Volcano – Top 5 Flops & Final Thoughts.
April 17th 2008 22:33
It’s Friday over here in the Land Down Under which means that it is time for my Top 5 Flops and Final Thoughts. We hammer in the final nail of the coffin on the disastrous disaster movie that was Volcano so let’s put this bad boy to rest. Here we go!
#5: Los Angeles, the City of Assholes.
It was really amazing to see a bunch of characters in a movie that were complete assholes to everything and everyone. For example, the boyfriend of Dr. Jaye gets annoyed at her for doing her job (saving lives) when she should be coming with him to get out of the city. Another example is when Amy tells Mike the city got what it deserved. Oh and let’s not forget about Mike himself who is just setting up the whole “save the city” thing so that he can save his daughter. Don’t worry about the hundreds of people trying to help save their city, let’s just worry about your damn daughter. What an asshole!
#4: Poor L.A.
Why is it that Hollywood has to set the majority of its disaster movies in the city of Los Angeles? Every time we see a new disaster movie hit the big screen it is ALWAYS set in L.A, or San Francisco, or in some random Californian city. Why not set disaster movies in Washington or Boston or some other huge city? How about we just give poor L.A a damn break for once? I grow really tired of seeing the same city under some random attack from the forces of nature or from outer space – maybe they should think about unleashing a giant creature created from military experiments? Wait… I think they already have…
#3: They should have named the character Samuel Gerard, not Mike Roark.
You are all probably wondering who the hell is Samuel Gerard. For those of you who are fans of the movie “The Fugitive” you would know that Tommy Lee Jones played U.S Marshall Samuel Gerard who was tasked with catching Richard Kimble. In the movie is runs off a bunch of orders so fast in one breath it is amazing and the thing is everything that this guy says everyone does in seconds!
Well, we get to see this character come out twice. First was in that “sequel” to The Fugitive called U.S Marshals and the second we in this movie, but he had a different name. I am not saying Tommy Lee Jones sucked in this movie – in fact if it wasn’t for his acting this movie would have sucked – but I am saying the character he played was a complete clone of his character from The Fugitive. I can’t even say the character of Mike Roark sucked since it was pretty much the same as Samuel Gerard. It’s just lazy writing in behalf of the scriptwriter in my opinion.
#2: Everyone looks the same… until it rains.
This has to be the corniness, the lamest, and the most pathetic scene in a movie that I have even seen. If you’re not familiar with what I am talking about this scene appears at the end when everyone is covered in ash and some little kid remarks that everyone looks the same. Everyone of every race and color all look equal because of ash, and straight away that the rain comes and washes it all away.
What the hell was trying to be achieved here? If they were hoping on an attempt to show the world that we’re all the same you can forget that – the minute the rain comes down it removes the idea that we can exist without prejudice. Well then again I guess the movie did point out that once a disaster is over everyone is just going to go back to their old ways of not giving a crap about anyone but themselves. Regardless we all got the message and it made all of us moan in pain.
#1: A volcano in L.A?
It’s a movie… yes I know. Movies are meant to be unrealistic… yes I know. The idea of a movie is to (mainly) give us entertainment – to show us a world of things that are from the far reaches of our imagination. The majority of movies out there in the world feature things made up from planets to little gadgets used by heroes.
If you don’t think that a volcano popping out of nowhere is real you should be executed for believing something so damn stupid. I mean seriously, SERIOUSLY, did ANYONE buy this heap of crap!? I know its fake but I am sure you all stopped for a minute and thought to yourselves:
“Wow, a volcano popping out from the ground? What a load of crap!”
Believe me I did when I first heard about this movie when it first came out ten years ago. There was no damn explanation given as to why you had a volcano come out of the ground. In movies when things happen they always have some background story to explain it. All we get is that “Oh it’s happened before” from Amy and that is it. No explanation how the ground pushes up and forms a huge mountain, no explanation as to where the hell the lava came from, NOTHING! It’s the biggest load of bullcrap that I have heard from a movie before and believe me, I’ve seen a lot of bullcrap things in movies but at least they’ve all been explained in some way.
Final Thoughts.
If The Core wasn’t around I would say this would be the worst disaster movie that I ever saw. It does get the honorable title of being the worst volcano movie in the world though. It was totally unrealistic by any movie standard and the idea of a volcano randomly popping out of the ground seems impossible. If, let’s say, it could be possible I doubt it would happen in a few minutes. The audience aren’t that stupid Hollywood give us a bit of credit won’t ya?
I will admit the movie may have sucked but at least one could watch it and not get bored – you would get annoyed at the amount of bullcrap in the movie but you won’t get bored. The graphics were pretty decent and everyone likes it when things get destroyed by lava, which seemed to be all over the place. The downside though was that there was nothing BUT lava flowing all over the city. If they added in a scene where Tommy Lee Jones tries to outrun lava in a car I would have snapped the DVD in half, then paid the video store for the damage.
The movie was full of the same old crap that you all see in these types of movies – people banding together in a time of need no matter where they come from. It is so typical you can pretty much guess who is going to die and be right most of the time. Too predictable and with a weak cast supporting a good actor it made the movie suck that much more.
I would recommend this movie to people who enjoy these types of disaster movies. Be warned if Tommy Lee Jones wasn’t in this movie it would be pretty bad. That being said, I will throw this movie back into the Bucket and I shall move on to a new movie for next week. It’s going to be fun and very painful for me and every other person who is a huge Batman fan. Yes Bucket Heads that’s right. Get ready for what many websites have slammed as the worst movie in the world – and definitely the worst in the Batman series -Batman & Robin.
Until then take care and have a fun weekend!
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Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Think Earthquake with a volcano instead of an earthquake.
WE save the city with crash barriers.
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Movies
T'was one hell of a train wreck. If Tommy Lee wasn't in this movie it would have been even worse. The idea of a volcano randomly popping out of the ground is just stupid on paper in itself. The stupidity level of people really amazes me.
Thanks again.