Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal – Top 5 Flops & Final Thoughts.
April 4th 2008 05:01
Sorry for this belated post Bucket Heads I was a bit sidetracked with some stuff. I was busy working on my book as well as editing some sample pages of someone else’s book. If all goes well I could become a freelance editor which would see me working from home! That would be fun, which is what I cannot say about this movie. Let’s break this movie down and wrap up this week with my Top 5 Flops and Final Thoughts for the flying heap of crap that was Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal.
#5: “Let’s do the hustle!”
You’re all probably thinking what the hell this has to do with that funk-a-licious 70’s song so here is the answer – this was the main character’s “catch phrase”. Yes people, the so called ‘Anti-Christ’ who was so dark and twisted and outrageous would always, and I mean ALWAYS, use this stupid phrase whenever he got the chance to. If I remember correctly here are the times that he said it:
1 – When his band gets out of the limo.
2 – When his band are boarding the plane.
3 – When his band are about to go on stage.
4 – When he breaks out of his holding room.
5 – When he heads towards the cockpit.
6 – When he is about to land the plane.
I’m pretty sure he used it more times but damn, I’ve never heard of more watered down and overused phases since a Jim Carrey movie.
#4: Pathetic characters.
It’s really funny, after watching Curse of the Komodo I didn’t think I would see a bunch of pathetic characters in a movie. How was I wrong when I watched this movie! Don’t get me wrong the characters for Komodo were terrible but compared to these guys they looked decent. Let’s see we had a nerdy hacker, a wannabe tough FBI agent, a bitchy TV host, a group of try hard wannabe Goths, a stupid rock band and nicest death metal singer in history. They were all so boring it was like they used cardboard cutouts for actors.
#3: Worst ending ever.
Wow, this was a pretty bad ending Bucket Heads. After all of that chaos, after having everyone scared to death, Craven wanted to refuel and head back up in the air so that they could party. He steps out, hugs every one of his fans as they all cheer his name, and then the camera freezes on his face. Yes, forget about the five dead bodies in the plane let’s go back up and do the whole thing all over again. What a moron. It was so stereotypically Hollywood everyone but the dead people got a happy ending.
#2: Heavy… metal?
I would really like to know what the director or producers were thinking adding the “Heavy Metal” part to the title. There is absolutely nothing “heavy metal” about this movie. The way the character of Craven was marketed was not “heavy metal” but it was more “death metal” and it was STILL far from it. When the band played they sounded like the Backstreet Boys meets Kiss. Hell, even the Backstreet Boys are more hardcore than the band in the movie. It was a pathetic attempt and since only one person saw this movie (me) they should have just had hardcore death metal it would have made a lot more sense then to have this idiot appear and call him “the Antichrist”.
#1: Can it get anymore worse?
If I could compare this movie to anything I wanted I would say it was like the Titanic, no not the crappy movie I meant the actual ship. It started off steady and then it just went straight down and didn’t stop. The movie was terrible, utterly terrible. It started off bad, and it just kept on getting worse from there. We started off with the crappy protest and the band, the introduction of the stupid FBI agents and the hacker, the crappy show in midair, a bunch more crap that ping ponged between the hacker’s home and inside the plane, and let’s all not forget the annoyingly pathetic prophecy. Add in one stinker of an ending and there you have it, the ingredients of one terrible movie.
Final Thoughts.
My final thoughts? This movie sucks, plain and simple, and that’s all I am going to say. Period. End of story. Let’s move on ok? Next week we’re going to be taking a look at what happens to someone decides to make a sequel to a crap movie from the 80’s that received a “cult-like” status for being crap. The prequel was reviewed on this website and I a semi-proud to present everyone next week with Roadhouse 2.
Until then have a very safe and fun week my Bucket Heads!
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Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Movies
I figured you were talking about the movie and not my review