Bucket Movies Presents: The Village
May 10th 2009 23:05
Category: V
To think, the same guy who did The Sixth Sense made this rubbish... makes you wonder if he actually made the Sixth Sense to begin with huh?
Good ol’ M. Night Shyamalan. You all remember the guy who brought us the Sixth Sense right? He also didn’t bring us anything awesome after that. About a month or so ago I reviewed Lady in the Water which was one of the most boring movies that I’ve ever watched. In that movie Shyamalan cast himself in a pretty big role, being the guy who was meant to bring HUGE changes to the world. It was really crap and pretty selfish on his part to do so.
Well thankfully many years ago Shyamalan never cast himself as in a main role in his movies. He instead began casting himself in minor roles were he could spoiler the movie with a stupid one linear or pop up towards the end to poorly explain what the hell is going on. The latter was used in a movie called The Village though the reasons for how things were in the movie made no sense at all.
I will admit, when I started watching this movie a while ago I actually thought it was going to be an interesting movie. It started off ok but I soon began to realize that there was nothing to this movie at all but a waste of time. The ending wasn’t satisfying and dare I say, it was like watching a porno for thirty minutes that ends with the actress and actor randomly getting married. Confused? Don’t worry I was the same after the credits starting rolling on this crap. Let’s take a look shall we?
This is Lucius. He is seen as weird because he wants to go outside of the Village to buy medicine to save everyone. Seems like logic doesn't exist in this place.
The movie starts off with a guy crying over his dead son’s grave. Judging from the time of death on the coffin the year is 1890. The people of the village are having a large feast outside and Mr. Walker is giving thanks. There’s a noise coming from the woods and a retarded guy called Noah starts laughing and clapping. He does this throughout the movie so if you’re getting annoyed already at him like I was, you’ll want him to die towards the end. In this village everyone works together like the happy little communist society they are. Two women are having a lot of fun sweeping their cabins when they stare in sheer terror at… a red flower! They quickly grab it and bury it as a red hooded person is seen in the reflection of the river.
Mr. Walker is the school teacher of the village and walks up to his students who are gathered around something – a skinned rabbit. Walker asking who did it and a girl says “Those We Don’t Speak Of”. Walker explains it can’t be them since the people of the village don’t go into the woods, and Those We Don’t Speak Of don’t go to the village. From this point on I’m going to type TWDSO because there’s no way I’m going to be typing Those We Don’t Speak Of all the time. They should have just called them “monsters” or something. Little cliché yeah but it’s damn easier calling them that.
A young man named Lucius approaches the village’s Elders bringing with him a piece of paper. His mother Alice is part of the elders as well. Lucius struggles to read his off the paper, like a children trying to read a picture book, and he basically wants to go through the woods to get medicines for everyone. Lucius wants to save people but the Elders are assholes and don’t allow him to go. At night Lucius joins his friend in the watchtower, who tells him there are wicked people in the wicked towns. Makes sense they’d be wicked I guess.
The next day people find another skinless animal and the village has a meeting. They think it’s a wolf or coyote. They think the animal suffers from madness and everyone should be careful. They don’t think TWDSO are breaching the town’s boarders because they’ll people would have seen them. Kitty is with her father, Mr. Walker, and she talks to him about being in love. She wants to get married to this boy but she hasn’t told this person that she loves him yet. The boy is Lucius and Kitty asks for her father’s blessings. He gives it to her… his blessings not incest sex.
Lucius is making things at the blacksmith and Kitty approaches him. She says she loves him, more than the sun and moon and wants to know if Lucius feels the same way. I’d be pretty freaked out if someone just randomly came up to me like that and began crapping on about how much they loved me. The next second Kitty’s at her home crying about how Lucius rejected her. HA! In your face bitch! Lucis goes into a house with firewood he talks to Noah’s father August. He is glad he is friends with him, because no one likes the village idiot obviously. Some teenagers are playing some game where they turn their backs to the edge of the forest and see how long they can go without chickening out.
Don't worry, I'm scared looking at this photo as well Bucket Heads. Is it just me or does this actress become more gingerer in every movie?
Next day Noah is attacking people with sticks. Ivy comes over and breaks up the fight, and she’s blind by the way. It’s probably a good thing because she doesn’t know that she is the same ginger haired, pasty white actress who played Story in Lady in the Water. Ivy takes Noah to a small shack to lock him up for a while, but tells him she won’t punish him if he stops. Ivy says they’ll kill time by having a foot race. What is this the Special Olympics? A guy who isn’t all there in the head taking on a blind girl… I wonder who’s going to win. They run to the hills and some how Ivy manages not to trip over a rock or a stick or anything.
The two find Lucius sitting on a rock eating bread. Ivy tells Lucius that he made her sister cry a lot. Before Lucius can ask how she knows he is there, she explains that he gives off a special colour that she can see, and her father gives off the same colour as well. She won’t tell him what colour he is and Noah runs off after a bird. Lucius says she runs like a boy and she thanks him? Someone has a gender problem. She could have her tits cut off to feel more like a boy like that girl in Australia did. Ivy says Lucius denied her sister because he wants Ivy? I wouldn’t want that annoying bitch. Ivy figures this out because he used to hold her hand and stuff. Noah comes back and puts a frog in Ivy’s hand. Noah hands her berries and they are… red! It’s the bad colour that attracts TWDSO are attracted to!
Lucius talks to the Elders and says Noah got the berries from the woods. He thinks Noah went into the woods many times and thinks because he is innocent that the creatures didn’t kill him. Translation: TWDSO don’t attack retarded people. Alice talks to Lucius about the town. She says his father went to the market but was found dead and naked and robbed days later. Lucius is upset about it and says this place is full of secrets. He points to her black box because that is where the evil things from the past are kept! Alice wants to talk to Walker but Lucius says he hides his feelings for her. How the hell did he know that?
Alice walks off and Lucius wants to do things people don’t want to do. He tells her not to worry about his safety. Alice wants to know why Walker has feelings for her. He says he never touches her and she walks off. Oh that answers my question from before. People in yellow hoods are painting yellow markers on all the lampposts. I think this is the good colour. Lucius stops and looks out to the woods. Puts the bucket down and takes off his hood. He crosses the boarder and goes into the woods. He sees red berries and picks one off the bush. He hears growling and rustling nearby. Something runs off. Lucius walks back out with the berry stick and there is more growling. He shouldn’t have done that…
Ivy is playing hide and seek with Noah… how does that work exactly when the one doing the seeking is blind? Lucius approaches and walks Ivy back to her place Ivy doesn’t want him to go to the towns in the woods. Lucius says he can find medicine to help Noah but Ivy doesn’t want to talk about it. Christop Crane is going to marry Kitty. She says she is blessed and now that her elder sister has been taken she can be up for marriage, she can start looking for a partner. Translation: DO ME LUCIUS!!! Ivy goes inside with the children. Noah is hiding in the closet. What an asshole he cheated to beat a blind person in a game of Hide & Seek!
I know Walker might look calm putting his arm around Noah, but I know deep down inside he wants to beat the living shit out of him.
A watchman is in the tower and something knocks on the trapdoor. He goes to it thinking its Lucius and looks down. A guy in a red hood walks past and he panics. He grabs the rope to the bell and starts ringing it. Everyone starts panicking in the village and starts running around. Noah is happy and running around like an idiot as everyone runs to their cellars. Everyone locks down the town. Lucius hides on the side of a house as a TWDSO approaches. It’s a big looking hedgehog thing with claws. It kinda looks like Sonic the Hedgehog on crack.
Noah is still excited and Kitty wants to go under the trapdoor but Ivy doesn’t want to close the door because Lucius is outside. Kitty begs her to get in and close the door but she won’t. She holds her hand out as the creature is getting closer. Ivy is crying and she won’t get inside. The noises are getting closer! TWDSO appears and Lucius comes in quickly, grabs Ivy and they go under the house. Whoa that was a close call! Where’s Batman when you need him!? Noah’s still acting like a moron. Everyone’s waiting under the house and Lucius is holding Ivy’s hand. Aww just like he used to when they were kids!
Next day Mr. Walker is talking about the red marks on people’s doors and stuff as a warning. They want to know why the creature appeared and people pass up a note to him. One of the female elders reads it outside and it says someone crossed into the woods and did it and it. Lucius wrote the note and everyone looks back at him. Mr. Walker approaches and Noah’s following him laughing like an idiot. I’d knock him the f*** out if I were Lucius. August takes his son away and Lucius is crying. Walker says he is fearless and shouldn’t be ashamed of what he did. That’s it? You’re not going to punish him for endangering the village!? Wow he might as well done a massacre then.
Everyone is having their feast and Kitty gets married. Some people in yellow hoods toss meat onto the rocks as an offering to TWDSO. In case you misread that, I said tossed a piece of meat not toss their meat. If you didn’t think about that, enjoy the visual image. Mrs. Clack is talking to Ivy saying Kitty reminds her of her elder sister, only Mrs. Clack’s sister was brutally raped and killed by many men… many, many, many, many men. Everyone’s dancing and celebrating at night. Ivy hugs her sister and cries. Alice walks up to Walker and they talk. She congratulates him. He won’t touch her or shake her hand.
Everyone is dancing around and Kitty grabs Ivy to dance as well in a circle. Everyone dances for like five minutes and thankfully some screaming kids arrive to ruin the celebration. Ivy is struggling through the crowd and Lucius grabs her. Aww like how he used to when they were kids! The boys say the creatures appeared to them and said they want everyone to leave their woods. Walker tells them to go to Ivy and she’ll cheer them up. Walker says they’ll all go together outside. Everyone walks outside to the village. There are dead skinless animals all over the place and their livestock has been killed.
A guy who has no emotions or feelings getting married to a blind girl... that does seem a little weird now that I think about it.
Ivy is asleep and wakes up suddenly. She goes outside and Lucius is sitting out the front. Ivy says the Elders are going to see who else crossed the boarder. Ivy asks if Lucius thinks she is too much of a tomboy and how she wants to play boy games. Ivy wants to know why he is so brave and he doesn’t know. She won’t tell him his colour and she won’t tell him when he didn’t ask. See this is a stupid joke were he doesn’t mention it but she keeps bringing it up. She wants him to say he loves him and Lucius gets pissed off. He says he’ll do what he wants. He starts ranting on about how much he loves her and how much he fears for her safety. They decide to get married, and I’m starting to decide on smoking some weed to make this movie more interesting.
The inquiry is being held about the creatures arrived but everyone’s all excited about Ivy and Lucius wedding, which everyone thinks they make an odd couple. I agree. Ivy talks to Kitty about it saying not to be jealous of her for getting Lucius, and she says there isn’t going to be trouble. Lucius gets a knock at the door and Noah’s upset. Lucius wants to know if it’s about Ivy and him getting married. Lucius turns his back and Noah comes up turns around. He stabs Lucius in the stomach and he collapses. Noah is hanging around acting like an idiot and starts stabbing Lucius again. Well… he actually did something useful.
Noah goes to his house and his parents are getting ready for the meeting and they hear him outside. He is on the chair and they go out to see him acting like a moron as usual. He has blood on his hands and keeps saying “bad colour”. He starts crying and drooling. Everyone in the town is informed about the blood but no one knows where it came from. Ivy runs off as everyone is checking the town. Ivy’s crying and walking around counting steps. She goes to Lucius’ house screaming for him and she walks into him on the floor. She feels around for him and holds his head up. Someone finds Lucius and Ivy. Ivy says she can’t see his colour. Walker drags his daughter away and they grab Lucius.
Mrs. Clack is telling everyone Lucius will die soon because of his wounds and wants everyone to pray for him. Someone takes Ivy to the quiet room and she feels around for Noah, and begins slapping the shit out of him. The guy drags her out and they lock him back in. Ivy talks to Walker (her father) about being in love with Lucius and she wants to go through the Woods to get him medicine.
Dr. Victor says he has closed Lucius’ wounds but he has an infection that will kill him if since there isn’t anything they can do to remove it. Walker wants to know if he can be mended and saved. Victor won’t answer, but says something can be done. Alice confronts Walker about going to the towns to save him, even though he doesn’t want to go back. Alice doesn’t want him to go but Walker says he wants to go. Alice says he took the oath never to leave and he can’t go. So she doesn’t want Walker to go off and save her own son? What a bitch!
Walker approaches Ivy talking about how depressed he was she was blind. Walker asks Ivy about her grandfather and she says he was a rich guy. Walker’s father was an awesome man that was used by a lot of people. He was murdered as he slept by his partner. Walker tells her he trusts her more than anyone else and takes her to a shed that no one is allowed to go to. He begs Ivy not to scream.
Alice begs Walker not to leave the village or to send anyone out to get her son the medicine he needs to survive. No, you didn't read that wrong.
Ivy starts packing things away in a sack. Ivy tells Lucius she is going out into the woods to get medicine. Walker tells the elders that Ivy is going to the town to get medicines. She is sitting on a rock and two people join her. All of them are wearing yellow hoods and head to the edge of the woods. They all wear yellow hoods. The three walk to the woods’ edge and Ivy holds a small sack. One catches up to her and says Christop, one of the guys accompanying Ivy, has stopping following. Ivy says she sack has magic rocks to protect them, but Christop is a pussy and he runs away.
It’s raining and the two set up a little tent. The other guy starts getting scared and leaves Ivy all alone. The men of this village are a bunch of assholes. Who would leave a blind girl in the middle of the woods like that? Ivy dumps the magic rocks on the ground. There’s a flashback of Ivy in the shed with her father. He leads Ivy in and there’s an odd smell she smells. Teeheehee… someone farted. Walker says it’s ahead of her and he says he can’t explain what it is. It’s the claw of TWDSO and she freaks out. He tells her it’s just a costume and that the creatures aren’t real. The whole thing was bullshit to scare people from venturing outside the village by the elders.
Well that really kills any suspense doesn’t it? At this point I wanted to just switch the movie off and forget about the review but alas, I had to continue! Walker tells Ivy they don’t know who is skinning the animals though. Her father tells her about creatures in the woods being in a book in a town he taught at. Walker feels bad for bullshiting for everyone and Ivy feels sad for all the elders. Walker gives her a watch and a piece of paper of the medicine they need. He gives her instructions on how to get to the towns and that she is the only one who can go to the town, and to tell no one where they are.
Walker goes to Alice who is making fresh clothes for Lucius. He says he sent Ivy off to the towns and Alice starts crying. Walker says that’s all he can give her and she accepts it. At the meeting of the elders he says he ordered it because he doesn’t want anymore deaths. They’re pissed off about ruining what they’ve made. He says the way of life that they have lies in Lucius and Ivy. He gives a bullshit speech about living and stuff. They ask why was chosen and Walker says that she is strong and in love. That… and she’s blind. No seriously he did. Why? You’ll see why in a second.
It’s nighttime and Ivy’s cold and scared and begins to sing as she hears noises around her. It’s muddy and Ivy is walking around. She comes to a hole in the ground, and the edge breaks and she slips in it. It’s deep as but she holds onto the roots and climbs back up. She walks around and sits down on a trunk. She panics and cries. Ivy’s walking around and she has a stick. She hears something coming from behind her. She turns around and there’s nothing there. Seriously if she’s blind was she hoping to see what was behind her? She hears another noise and feels around. She stumbles around without her stick crying and panicking. She stops and she’s standing in a field of… red berries! It should be suspenseful for us but remember, the creatures are fake…
…or are they!? Something growls from behind and she turns around. It’s a TWDSO! What a twist! This is like the biggest shock since the ending of Sixth Sense! Ivy assures herself it isn’t real and hides behind a tree. She looks back and it’s standing behind the tree. Ivy walks around and it grunts at her. She looks at it and it comes running after her. It shoves her down and runs in front of her. Ivy starts screaming and running around again. She feels around and she touches a tree trunk. She manages to remember that the tree trunk is near where the huge hole was before. Give me a f***ing break. That could have been ANY tree trunk! The TWDSO runs at her and she moves, and it falls down the hole. Back at the village Noah’s parents come to feed him, but he has disappeared! Wait a minute… that means it was Noah! Noah’s dead in the hole now, and there goes the suspense once more.
Yellow = Safe Colour. Why Yellow? I dunno it was never explained. I figured the safe colour would be green since Red = Stop and Green = Go. You know? Ok... I'll shut up.
Lucius is in bed and they talk about his will to live being very strong. Ivy’s walking around and she finds a hidden road like her father said. She runs off following it. Walker is with Alice and they lock up the door. Ivy is running up the road swinging her stick and she comes to a huge wall covered in vines. Walker opens his black box and Alice is crying. They look at things in the box. There’s narration going on and Mrs. Clack is talking about her sister being killed, raped, and being dumped in a dumpster around the corner from her apartment? August talks about how his doctor brother was helping a drug addict who killed him? Alice talks about how her husband was found dead when he went to the supermarket? Apartments, drug addicts, supermarkets… how can they be in a medieval village?
There’s a photo of all the elders in front of a consoling center. Walker’s father was shot by his business partner who then killed himself. Walker teaches University of Pennsylvania and says he has an idea. Wait… the village is fake? It’s not 1890!? What the hell is this bullshit!?
A ranger appears on the road, IN HIS CAR, as Ivy jumps the fence and he tells her she can’t go into that fence. He asks her who she is and she says she came from the woods. She gives him the list of medicine and the guy is confused. He looks at the note and asks if someone is hurt. She tells him they have to hurry and he can’t believe she lives in there. The ranger is called Kevin. Kevin tells her they have the medicine they have the stuff. She gives him something as payment and he thinks it’s a joke. He asks for her name and she says Ivy Walker.
Kevin goes to the ranger station and there’s guy is reading a newspaper listening to the radio. Kevin goes into the shack and his boss wants to know what happen. Kevin says it was a lost teenager. The boss says not to talk to people because he’ll reveal an estate is paying them to keep people away from the sanctuary, as well as them paying for flight restrictions over the area as well. I… don’t know what to say. Kevin gets the medicine and a reflection in the doors reveals the boss ranger to be none other than… Shyamalan! Kevin wants to get a ladder to “fix a sign”.
Ivy is walking back through the woods as Kevin’s in the jeep just staring blankly. The elders are with Lucius and someone tells them Ivy’s back and that she killed the creature that attacked him. Noah’s parents cry and Walker says they’ll look for his body, bury him and say the creatures killed him. Walker says Noah made the stories real now and they can live like they still do, if that’s what they want. They all stand up and Ivy comes in with the medicine. She grabs Lucius’ hand and says she is back.
Final Thoughts.
Well… what a let down that shit was. The movie starts off ok with the whole story being set up fine. We get a look at the village, the people of the village and how things are. There’s the thing involving Those We Don’t Speak Of as well, which is still stupid Shyamalan didn’t call them something like Bad Red Haters or something. This continues for about an hour or so until they finally decide to send off the blind Ivy to save the wounded Lucius.
The character of Ivy by the way has to be the most annoying character here. She’s blind yet she seems to be getting around completely fine. They should have made her deaf or something. She’s an annoying bitch with her stupid “I’m not telling you my colour” joke when Lucius probably doesn’t even give a shit about it. Maybe the reason why she won’t tell him his colour is due to the fact people born blind don’t even know what colour colours are.
So when the movie FINALLY starts to get interesting, everything gets destroyed when we find out the Sonic the Hedgehog Crack Monsters are fake and were made up by the Elders. Why Shyamalan would do this I don’t know but it would make sense in years to come when he would start butchering and ruining all his movies early on or midway through. It’s a good way to build up suspense by eliminating the main threat of the village. So when Noah dressed up like one appears, we know it’s just someone from the village so it’s all good.
That’s something else that pissed me off. When Ivy is attacked she begins running away from the beast and stumbles across a tree trunk. She feels it and realizes that it’s the same tree trunk that was near the huge hole she almost fell into. How the hell did she manage to figure out that that was the same tree trunk that was near the damn hole!? What if it was another trunk, and what are the damn chance of her running into that same hole?! I mean she was walking around for hours then gets chased and is back in the same spot she was in no more than five minutes ago? Maybe the entire time she was just going around in one big circle. Wouldn’t surprise me since she is blind.
So Ivy finally reaches the road that will take her to the towns when Shocking Twist 2 slaps us all in the face – the village is bullshit. That’s right, it isn’t 1890 it’s 2004 and everyone has been living in an isolated village from society the entire time. Who better to explain what’s going on than M. Night Shyamalan, who basically tells the audience “Yeah it’s little place no one but us knows about.” Way to build up no suspense and just throw that into the ending, but it still doesn’t explain anything. Want to know why the village was built?
The Village was an idea from Mr. Walker, who is a professor coming from a mega rich family. He met a bunch of people (the Elders of the village) at a grief conselling clinic where they all had trouble getting over death. Walker decided to set up this place as a new beginning for everyone to live in. How did I figure this out? I found a damn explanation for the movie that was released by the movie company for everyone who was confused by this bullshit!
Poor Sonic. After his awesome Sega Master System / Mega Drive (known as Genesis in the U.S) days he fell into a downward spiral of depression, restoring to hard drugs and alcohol to make him feel happy.
I’ve never seen a movie that had an ending that confused the total shit out of me. The Village. After everything that happened we find out “Hey not only are there no creatures, but this village is a social experiment designed to help people get over grief.” How exactly is someone meant to get over death by running away from it? These people are the most stupid people I’ve ever seen in a movie!
Let’s not forget about how damn selfish they are. The best example has to be Lucius’ bitch mother Alice. She doesn’t want Walker to go out and get medicine for her son that will save his life. It makes sense since they’ll be exposed and they’ll be forced to go back to the real world. She is choosing to allow her son to die so she can live like this, but wouldn’t that just add to her grief problem!? She lost her husband and now she is going to lose her son!? Walker realizes this and allows Ivy to go off to get the medicine instead, hoping most likely that she’ll die in the woods.
Here’s another thing that annoyed me a lot – there are other people living in the village as well. What’s that got to do with anything? Who the hell are these people and how do they not know about the outside world either!? Where did these people come from? They all can’t be the children of all the Elders who lived in the village from the start since there were like maybe a dozen of them. If that is the case there is a lot of inbreeding going on. Wouldn’t the children of the Elders remember what’s going on as well? Lucius would have had to have been really little when his mother moved into the village. Someone is bound to have remembered something from the outside world right?
The storyline was as crap as the actors in this movie. I don’t know why but I can’t stand the actress who plays Ivy. In fact, the character of Ivy really pissed me off. I’m still pissed off about how well she got around in that movie for someone who is meant to be blind. She didn’t need a stick half of the time. Yes maybe she did have a good memory but come on, she knew her way around the woods like the back of her hand. All the other characters were too dull, too selfish or too stupid to give a shit about.
If you like watching M. Night Shyamalan’s movies just to see how flawed his movies are be my guest. You’ll be bored to tears from the amount of stretching this movie did, and then you’ll be scratching your head in confusion after the very rushed ending. It’s typical Shyamalan bullshit so good luck trying to watch this rubbish. Why can’t he produce good movies like the Sixth Sense? That’s the end of the review and may it rot in Hell along with Lady in the Water.
I wouldn’t be safe Bucket Heads: I would be in fear knowing there are going to be more of Shyamalan’s bullshit movies appearing on this website in the future. Until then, take care of yourselves and have a great weekend!
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Comment by Damo
That is like waving the Philistine flag. I did not mind 'Signs' because it was structured brilliantly toward the conclusion.
I did enjoy this movie the first time around but only until the Girl hopped over the fence to outside world. Then it broke the theme and suddenly I was thinking about where else it had disappointed me.
The Sonic Hedgehogs were no scary at all. They looked lame, very lame. I wanted to be scared and instead I was offered what looked like a man in a cactus suit.
However I do enjoy character driven stories more than FX driven characters. So I forgave a lot in the film that I would otherwise sneer at in other films.
The tension was broken too often and too frequently for me to worry myself sick over whether any on these country hicks would survive. I kept hoping that the Monsters would eat someone. That would be interesting. But instead all they do is trudge around like elephants in the jungle.and little more. There are about 100 people in the village and no one suggest that they kill a few of the Hedgehogs, put their heads on apike as a warning to other. That would be a much cooler twist than sending the blind girl to get some super anti biotics.
Comment by Wayne F
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I thought the character of Lucius was good and Walker, but everyone else just annoyed me especially Ivy. Don't get me started on her blindness think I was still annoyed at how she amazingly knew the tree trunk she ran into was the same one near the hole.
Comment by Damo
The blindness was crucial to the plot.
If she had have seen the outside world then she would be able to talk about what she saw.
If she had have seen Noah lying dead at the bottom of the hole then she would be able to say it was him all along.
Now we have perfect Karma with Noah getting killed and the Utopian world protected from the evils of modern society. (Sham must be a tree hugging latte sipping socialist or something.)
Yet it did suck that the one we wanted to save the day gets stabbed and plays possum for the next hour.
Comment by Wayne F
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