The Hottie & The Nottie - Final Thoughts
March 6th 2009 01:32
Category: H
To View The Full Synopsis Of This Movie, Click This Link!
Paris Hilton should just stick with bad reality shows and porn because she cannot act to save her life when it comes to an actual movie. Now that I think about it, she probably acted better in The Hottie & The Nottie than what she did in that sex tape. Though there were other elements in this movie that made it terrible, it was Paris Hilton that overshadowed the lot. Here are my Final Thoughts on this piece of shit movie.
Now THAT’S ugly!
I don’t think I’ve seen an uglier woman in a movie that what June was made out to be. Ok, so the idea of this movie was that a very hot woman has a very ugly woman as her best friend. Jesus Christ did they make her UGLY! June hit every branch on the ugly tree when she fell off it. June didn’t catch the ugly bus; it slammed into her and dragged her several kilometers. June’s so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it didn’t come back!
June was so ugly that it didn’t look real at all. She had a horribly winkled body, pimples on her back, infected feet and hands, rotten teeth and a face only a zombie mother would love. She had a massive mole as well with hair and probably its own postcode. It looked way too fake, even for a movie point of view. The make-up crew did a good job making June look ugly. Too bad they couldn’t make it more realistic.
Haven’t I seen this movie before… twice?
When I started watching this movie it was clear what was going on – Nate wants Cristabel but Cristabel wants June to get someone before she dates guys. So Nate decides to please Cristabel by setting June up on a date with some random guy. When I saw this the first thing that popped into my head was “Isn’t this the same plot from 10 Things I Hate About You?” You remember that movie right? Some kid wants a hot girl but she can’t date anyone unless her sister, who is a bitch, goes out with someone as well. The kid pays some guy to go out with her.
When I saw this was happening I started to think how unoriginal the movie world is getting… until I saw what the second half of the movie focused on. Here comes the most perfect man in the world who tries to make over the ugly girl into something beautiful. When I saw this the next thing to pop into my head was “Wait isn’t that the same plot from She’s All That?” Not only did they steal a plot from one movie, they stole ANOTHER plot from ANOTHER movie. The constant switching between storylines was uncalled for and made the movie’s direction more confusing. It’s like driving blindfolded while your buddy is shouting at you to turn left and right, while HE is blind folded – it gets you nowhere.
Paris isn’t an actress…
I have never seen such bad acting in all my life. I thought the porn stars that were used as actresses in Curse of the Komodo and Komodo vs. Cobra were bad, but compared to Paris Hilton they are Oscar winners! If you thought Paris was fake in front of the cameras you HAVE to see how completely fake she is in this movie. She was completely monotone throughout the whole movie. It was like she was reading off huge cards being held up by people behind the camera. Let’s not forget her horrible scene at the party where she acts drunk. Now that I think about it, it was pretty much her acting like her spoiled brat self. For someone who is so rich, I would have thought she’d get some acting lessons from Tom Hanks.
You know what sucks about this more than anything else? The fact that Paris is basically the whole reason for this movie. All the other characters, besides that idiot Nate, are shoved aside for Paris to show off her bad acting skills. June was just shoved aside only to pop up every now and then but even when she did, Paris was just there. They should have made Paris play every single role in the movie to feed that bitch’s ego.
And Paris isn’t a philosopher either.
You know what really pissed me off more than the fact Paris Hilton was trying to act? The fact that she was trying to pass herself off as some AWESOME woman. Yeah I know it was her character but come on, who doesn’t think she would have had some say in how her character is. Of course she is going to want to look awesome in this movie so they cast her as a hot chick who is enlightened.
What do I mean by that? Throughout the movie Paris is busting out horrible lines that you normally get in fortune cookies. I’m talking about stuff like “I see making love more like laying in a field of rose petals” and “Our bodies are an earthsuit, something we wear before we pass on from this world.” Need more bullshit? “People shouldn’t judge others by their looks, they have to love one another for their flaws.” I’d go on but I don’t want to break my keyboard out of frustration. It’s funny since we all know Paris Hilton doesn’t give a shit about any of that stuff.
Cristabel = Hottest Bipolar Woman Ever!
I’ve never seen such a confused character in any movie. I don’t know who wrote this junk but I think Cristabel is meant to be some bipolar woman who has a serious case of split personality disorder. Why you ask? Throughout the movie she is constantly changing. One minute she is a nice girl, and the next minute she talks to Nate dirtier than a street hooker. She talks about how she doesn’t get any action but wants it so badly, but then says things later on that implies she gets PLENTY of action – and dare I say more than Paris herself!? See what I did there!?
Her moods change just as much as the wind changes direction. One minute she is happy, the next she is sad, then mad, then happy, then sad. Make up your f**king mind! You’re either a happy hot girl who is as horny as hell or you’re a depressed hot chick who is banging the shit out of every guy in town. This would have been a lot easier on everyone if Paris Hilton just played herself in this movie…
Could this movie be anymore shallow?
This is something that really pissed me off – and everyone who knows me in the real world know that this wouldn’t be something that they would think that would piss me off. I have never, ever, seen a movie in my life that has degraded unattractive women as much as The Hottie & The Nottie has. I mean, it was disgusting to see that this movie was released with the very shallow meaning that woman can only get love if they are pretty. Typing this now, I am getting even more pissed off thinking about it.
The director of this piece of shit should be appalled knowing he probably double the suicide rate of women by releasing this. That’s a really nice message to give woman who aren’t confidante about themselves: go make yourself look pretty you ugly bitch then guys will look at you. Nate saw June and didn’t want to get near her. All he gave a shit about was banging Cristabel. The second June was transformed into a super hot woman he was head-over-heels for her. Yeah he was getting along with her early on but he only started paying attention to her when she was hot, and not ugly.
Like I said, this movie had to be a huge confidence boost for all of those ugly women out there. Thanks Paris for telling all of them that the only way they’re going to get love in their life is with a miracle makeover.
Final Thoughts.
I’ve said this plenty of times but I am damn sure this time that this piece of shit movie is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. It is easily now in my top three worst movies. The script was basically stolen from at least two other movies and mashed together into a pile of crap. The whole point of this movie was to show off Paris Hilton and to try and fool the public into thinking that she actually could act. They showed off Paris Hilton perfectly but they didn’t fool anyone into thinking she can act. It’s amazing what a spoiled brat can get.
What makes this movie terrible – besides the badly written script and the awful acting – is how disgusting it is to show women around the world that the only way they can get laid is by looking hot. Thank you very much Paris Hilton for having a movie designed around your awesomeness. Thank you very much for telling all those women out there who aren’t confident with the way they look that they should look like you to get anywhere in this world. You’re a great role model to all the spoil rich brats in the world. Keep it up, you’re doing a great job you toothpick bitch.
There’s a reason why this movie only made $9,000 on it’s opening night and it’s the same reason why it ended up here. Goodbye to this terrible movie that makes a lot of other bad movie out there look great. I’m burying this trash deep down in the bucket my Bucket Heads and I pay to God you never waste ninety minutes of your life watching this junk. Until my next review, take it easy and have a great weekend!
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Comment by Damo
I don't actually find Paris attractive. She has a big nose on a totem pole featureless body.
Now you are left with her personality.
I suspect that blow up dolls have more personality.
Comment by Wayne F
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I agree with you - I don't think Paris is attractive either. I've never had a thing for stick-figure spoiled brats and I never will. She's boring to watch in movies as she is to watch in the real world.
Comment by stu-kicks
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