The Core – Synopsis
August 1st 2008 00:57
Category: C
It's time to go back to the center of the Earth! Will our group of stupid heroes manage to get the core of the Earth started up again to pretend the solar beams from the Sun from destroying us all?
If you want to see some old, crappy posts on this movie - click here!
The movie begins in the city of Boston, where it appears to be a normal day until suddenly, everyone starts dropping dead! We go to a university where FBI agents take away Dr. Josh Keyes, a professor who teaches geometry or something. Josh asks what this is about and the FBI agents have no clue as to what is going on either. They take him to a secret lab where he meets his old friend Dr. Serge Leveque, who is trying to get a can of Pepsi.
The two friends go into a room full of dead bodies and are greeted by General Thomas Purcell. All of the dead people lived in Boston and they all had pacemakers. That’s a lot of heart disease for a city. Josh and Serge think it might be some type of magnetic weapon and the U.S Government shits itself, reading their planes to go bomb the Middle East.
In London birds start going crazy and flying around all over the place. Instead of just slowing down their cars and stopping, people decide to speed up and turn sharply into oncoming traffic. A large double Decker bus, with a large Pepsi ad on the side, crashes into a bunch of cars and some fat kid cries. Josh and his team of nerdy students are trying to figure out what is going on with the planet and tells his students to use Google.
Major Rebecca Childs, a pilot of NASA rockets, is flying through space and are heading back down to Earth when trouble happens, as usual. Rebecca takes charge as their ship pummels to L.A, (where else would it go?), and manages to make a perfect landing in front of a construction site without damaging anything. Meanwhile Josh meets up with this hot-shot celebrity scientist called Dr. Conrad Zimsky. Josh tells Conrad the world is going to end but Conrad doesn’t believe him. Instead he heads to his office and pulls out his “secret” file.
In Washington D.C, Rebecca gets fired – it appears that saving the lives of everyone on the ship is a no-no – and the Northern Lights are in Washington. Serge and Josh are having a beer with each other as the FBI Agents come back and takes them away again. Josh is with the U.S Government and he tells them the core of the Earth has stopped spinning. To get his point across, he burns a peach. They decide they are going to drill a hole into the ground and go start up the core again.
Josh, Conrad and Serge head to a desert and meet a scientist called Dr. Braz, and it appears Conrad stole formulas from him years ago. Braz shows off this huge ass laser beam solar drill that blasts a hole into the mountain so the U.S Government gives him $15 Billion to build a massive ship. The government arrests a hacker called Rat who has computers all over his apartment. They want him to control the Internet by finding and deleting any information about the Core or the recovery project. Rat blows on some foil and gives Josh free long distance calls on his mobile forever. Rat agrees to help if he has Xena tapes and Hot-Pockets.
Rebecca gets her job back but she must pilot the ship being built. Conrad gets pissed off he isn’t giving at the press conference about the mission. The team meets up for the first time. Rebecca and Josh seem to have something going on for the two of them. We all get a recap of who is who and who is going to be doing what in the mission. We get treated to a montage of them building the ship and training to get into the center of the Earth.
Rebecca and Josh talk to each other and she acts like an idiot. Josh is pissed off that he can’t get one of his machines to work, so Rebecca starts slamming buttons and some how fixes a machine that Josh invented. Commander Robert, Rebecca’s boss, gives her some advice for the mission. We go to Italy and there’s massive storms brewing. It starts destroying trademarks like the Coliseum.
The scientists can wait no more and head under the sea and start drilling into the ocean’s floor. They decide to have some dramatic scene to make it look like the ship is going to get destroyed, but we’ve only into an hour of the two hour heap of crap so everything’s ok. They get through the Crust and break into the Mantle, then crash into a field full of huge crystals. They lose power and need oxygen to power up the ship again, so being the idiot he is Josh uses the oxygen from his suit and almost dies. Robert gets crashed by a rock and dies. Rebecca cries and doesn’t want to start the ship – but she stops being a bitch and takes off.
It’s day two and the ship flies through a field of diamonds. They get struck and there’s a hole in the back session of the ship so they decide to seal it off, only to have Serge trapped in the back room. The session gets detached from the ship and he dies. Josh bursts into the cockpit and screams at Rebecca for letting him die. Rebecca says they have to save the world and she doesn’t care about him. Damn right.
The group finally reach the Core and they figure out the nukes they brought aren’t going to work. Conrad realizes it was the government’s fault for stopping the core from spinning because of “Destiny”, a device that can cause earthquakes. The government now wants to use it to start up the Core again. Conrad wants to go home but Rebecca says they are going ahead. Conrad goes crazy out so they punch him.
Huge solar beams are coming down to Earth and destroy the San Francisco. Josh wants Rat to override the Destiny machine to stop it form being used while they figure something out. Conrad comes around and helps Braz and Josh think of something. The ship stops again so someone has to go underneath to start it up again, but the area is over 9000 degrees hot. Braz decides to go and dies as Rat breaks into the Destiny controls.
The crew starts dropping the nukes onto the core as Rat switches the Destiny machine off. As Josh and Conrad are setting up the bombs in different sessions of the ship, one of the bombs falls and lands on Josh. Conrad helps Josh, only to have the bomb land on him. Josh leaves Conrad to die. Josh sets up all the bombs to go off in a timer and runs back to the cockpit.
Rebecca and Josh are together and wait to see what happens. Josh then realizes they can power the ship back up with the power from the Core. Conrad begins recording a speech, and then realizes he is a moron since he is going to get destroyed by a nuke. The bombs go off and the Core starts rotating again! Everyone’s happy!
The ship gets its power back and shoots out from the centre of the Earth up to the surface in split seconds. Amazing. They lose communication to everyone assumes they are dead. The navy searches for them and they hear whales. Rat figures out it’s them. Rebecca and Josh get saved. The next day Rebecca tells Josh NASA can use a good scientist like him, but Josh decides to go back to his University. The two want the world to know what happened to everyone who died and about their mission, so Rat hacks into every computer in the world and gives everyone all the files. Now we all know what a crappy movie this was.
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Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Entertaining enough to fill in a a boring saturday afternoon but not good enough to temp me to pirate it. (Not that I approve of such activity.)
There is a website that looks at the laws of physics that are broken in Movies. This movies is ranked as breaking the highest number of laws than any other movie.
It looked very much like Science Fiction tailored to conspiracy buffoons.
(btw: the same site gave an excellent rating to Blade runner for sticking closely to the laws of physics)
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Movies
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Really Long Link
And here is a link where it is called the worst physics movie ever.
Really Long Link
I'll see if I can find the site where Bladerunner was checked for science errors.