The Core - Part 3
January 9th 2008 02:14
Category: No Category
The leader of our heroes, who is willing to risk the lives of billions of people in order to save just one person. He also ruined a perfectly good peach as well.
We introduced you to the brave team of nerds and geeks who ventured into the center of the earth in order to restart the earth’s core. Behind a great team is a great leader. In the case for our heroes, behind a team of crybaby scientists is an even bigger crybaby scientist. Allow me to introduce to you all Dr. Josh Keyes, also known as:
DR. MMWHABAHF!!!
What does MMWHABAHF stand for? It stands for “Makes Me Wanna Hurl A Brick At His Face” as that is what I want to do to this idiot throughout the movie. This character’s feelings change more than the wind. One minute his crying, the next his pissed off, then his happy, then his crying again, then happy and so on. He is also extremely annoying to listen to. Let’s explore the adventure of Keyes.
Keyes is an ordinary university professor that is approached by the government after everyone’s pacemakers stop working. Why the government would go up to a university professor for information I don’t know so maybe this guy worked in the top secret department previously, but he never did. He can’t explain what happened and scares the generals into his theory that Iraq has a weapon that done it. Way to fuel the war on terrorism yet again you asshole.
After the vicious attack on London by flocks of birds, Keyes investigates what’s going on with the earth and finds his answer through the wonders of Google search. He takes his theory of the world ending to Dr. Zimkey aka Dr. Asshole. Zimkey checked it out and confirms Keyes theory. The government take Keyes to a meeting with the top generals and advisors from the White House to talk about what is going to happen to the planet. Now instead of just seemly saying:
“The planet will perish.”
This idiot decides to take a pen, stab it into a perfectly good, healthy and juicy peach and sets it on fire. Who the hell would ruin a good piece of fruit just to prove the point ‘the world is going to end’? That’s like a doctor walking out to a family of a man who died during an operation and instead of telling him about the death of their loved one, he grabs a rabbit and blows its head off with a shotgun. Just say your damn message straight up without any scientific bullcrap. Perhaps that’s why he lit the peach on fire, he bored the crap out of everyone with his rant.
Anyway let’s move on. Keyes is now tasked to lead the journey to the center of the earth. He meets his crew members including the lovely Rebecca Childs, aka Corporal Bitch. Seems like there’s something going on but nothing ever happened between the two. Here’s something I found funny. Keyes invented some device to make something work. He can’t get it to work, so Rebecca punches it a few times and it ends up working. A scientist who can’t make his own invention work… what the hell is that?
They get into the crust of the earth, that’s the first layer, and there’s terrible with the ship. To power up the ship’s engine again, Keyes uses his own oxygen supply in his tank to power it up… wait when the HELL did oxygen become some type of fuel for engines. What sucks about this scene is that Keyes didn’t run out of oxygen and die. It’s at this point where a crew member dies. Keyes doesn’t seem to care that much since he doesn’t know the person. What happens next pisses me off. There’s pressure in the back of the ship so to save the mission Rebecca seals off the section so the rest of the ship doesn’t burst.
Trapped inside this session is Keyes’ best friend Serge aka Le Frog. Keyes wants Rebecca to open the hatch to let him out, risking not only the lives of everyone else on the ship but also the rest of the world. Rebecca refuses, French guy dies and Keyes unleashes the biggest hissy crybaby rant I’ve heard since I watched Rambo 1. Keyes is pissed off about what happened and starts crying. Rebecca doesn’t care as their mission is to save the world.
Now I studied Philosophy and learnt of a theory called utilitarianism. In short one must do what is best for the majority over the minority of people. Therefore, Rebecca was right killing one person in order to save billions. Keyes should just shut the hell up and quit complaining. They are here to save the world not on a happy trip and they knew well in advance is was going to be a dangerous mission. You know what else is makes me want to hurl a brick at Keyes’ head? He didn’t care about the first guy who died, then allowed BAZZA to go out in extreme heat and die without even saying goodbye.
It’s the same with Dr. Asshole. One scene they are loading up the nukes to start up the core when one falls on top of Keyes. Dr. Asshole tries to help him get the bomb off for five minutes and ends up with the bomb pinning him down instead. What does Keyes do? Tries ONCE to get it off and when Dr. Asshole tells him just to leave him, KEYES LEAVES HIM! There is no second trying or trying to talk sense into him this asshole, who cried about his friend’s death, just let three people die without trying to help them.
After restarting the earth’s core up I think Rebecca was interested in Keyes and flirts with him but he can’t be bothered with her it seems. She even said there would be a job at NASA for him but he knocks it back for his old boring job at the university. GOD! I want to bombard this guy with SO many bricks. If I were on this ship I would have told him to go outside to fix the ship. Once outside I would take off leaving his ass in the middle of the earth to die a slow painful death.
I don’t like this guy at all. He’s cool for allowing other people to end their own lives but when it’s his friend he fights for them? The French guy was cool with dying so Dr. MMWHABAHF can have a damn cry for all I care. Maybe he should have just sat down with a tub of ice-cream, a box of tissues and watched Titanic if he wanted to have a cry. By the way Titanic sucks and you can expect that to be on the website if you like it or not. The movie is Bucket worthy in my eyes my Bucket Heads.
In concluding Keyes is a wussy crybaby, and Rebecca the Corporal Bitch should have just lead this mission from the start since she had her head screwed on right. It’s all about focusing on the mission for the greater good people and there is no point risking billions of lives to save just one person. Come back tomorrow and we’ll take a look at some of the quotes that really stood out in the movie to me.
God, he BURNT a damn peach! How the hell is that even leadership material?
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Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Acidic and volcanic.
This scientists was meant to be a constrats to the 1950's all American Dad scientists types.
And who would want to work at NASA anyway? No one else does.
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Movies
Working at NASA could be ok, probably better than working at a university. Getting paid a ton of money just to sit around a desk while you watch crap getting launched into space? Sounds like a good job to me though it would probably be pretty boring unless you like stars and planets and stuff.