The Core - Part 2
January 8th 2008 01:30
Category: No Category
When the core of the Earth stops spinning, it's going to take a crack team of space nerds and internet geeks to save the day.
Boldly and bravely going where no man has gone before in order to risk the lives of billions of people they will never meet, it’s a tough job saving the planet for a global disaster. Heroes have to throw their fear out the door and continue pushing through the difficult tasks that lay ahead.
When the earth’s core stopped spinning the American government put together a crack team of super smart scientists to save the world. They sent those brave geeks into the center of the planet so that they would save humanity. So who are our brave soldiers that are going into battle? Let us introduce to you all Bucket Heads our crack team of nerds.
THE HEROES OF THE EARTH!!!
First let me say that if you’re not going to include at least one supernatural being in your team to save the planet, it’s going to be one extremely boring movie as was the case for this heap of crap. However, superhero or not, our heroes undertook their task knowing the dangers that lay ahead. They are very smart people and it is lucky that we have them to trust. So let’s kick off our team members!
Theodore Donald ‘Rat’ Finch.
Codename: Internet Destroyer.
This guy isn’t pictured in the over shot but he has a very important role in the mission to save the planet. Finch or ‘Rat’ has his computer hacker name is, has the task of tracking down all information about the mission to save the planet. He must find and remove all traces of data from the internet if anything pops up. Yes people, Finch’s job is to control the world wide web.
They want Finch to do this so that people won’t know what’s going on even though there are huge lightning storms and gigantic solar beams destroying the planet. Why do they call him ‘Rat’? He isn’t in the picture of the six above as he is working behind the scenes so I have provided you with a picture:
“All ur internetz r belong 2 us!”
I know, hideous isn’t he?
Cmdr. Robert Iverson.
Codename: Fatality Numero Uno.
Commander Iverson is the person who is going to be piloting the huge ship that is going to dig its way into the center of the earth. It might be just me but this ship looks like a long metallic tampon. Iverson is the second guy from the right and doesn’t that look of confidence tell you something. I think he just had a vision that he was going to be the first victim of the mission to save the planet. No one has any responsibility for his death but himself. I hope getting crashed by a huge rock will taught you a good lesson that you should NEVER stand out in the middle of nowhere with huge rocks flying around.
Iverson’s only purpose is to give advice to the scared pilot of the ship before dropping dead. Yeah I didn’t cry for him when he died and neither should you.
Dr. Serge Leveque.
Codename: Le Frog.
Dr. Leveque is one of the first people the government go to for assistance for the sudden changes to the planet. After that he serves no other purpose but to die on board the ship. He gets crushed to death when the pressure of one of the sections of the ship drops. A nasty way to die I know. He’s the second guy from the left and doesn’t he look very happy knowing he could probably die.
The only thing I know about this guy is that he has a family and that is all he talks about. He’ll just randomly inform everyone of something about his family at the most weirdest times. This is a technique that directors use Bucket Heads to set up a bond between the viewer and the character so when that character dies the audience can cry. Honestly I was glad he was dead so I can stop hearing him crap on about his loved ones.
Dr. Ed 'Braz' Brazzleton.
Codename: Token.
I’m not racist so please don’t start flaming me with posts and stuff but you have to have at least one non-white person in a disaster movie in your rescue team. Unfortunately for BAZZA, sorry that was the bogan Aussie in my coming out, he is selected as the token black person to die in the mission. If you don’t know who he is still, he’s the first guy on the left. Again I’m not racist so stop crying if you are.
I kinda feel sorry for this guy until he done something pretty stupid. See one of the guys on this mission stole his formulas years ago and made a huge fortune on them. At least he got $50 Billion out of the government to build the ship out for the mission and he even got to go with the team. So what did he do that was so stupid? He rigged the drawing of straws so that HE would be the one to go out in the middle of 9000 degree heat to start up the ship’s power.
Now if I were him I would rig it so the asshole that took my formulas would be the one to go out and die. Instead this idiot took it upon himself to go out and start the machine with the bullcrap excuse “It’s my ship”. If it was your ship you should have forced that asshole out and get him to do it. Not so smart for a doctor huh?
Dr. Conrad Zimsky.
Codename: Dr. Asshole.
This is the asshole that was just previously mentioned. When he stole BAZZA’S formulas and made millions from them Zimsky became a huge celebrity. If only the real world treated the scientists, who do research for cancer and disease, the same way they treat actors and singers. Zimsky’s still an asshole anyway and he’s the guy who’s first on the right.
This is the stereotypical ‘asshole’ of the group who wants to turn back to base when the mission is looking like it is doomed. You’ll find him extremely annoying as he records everything he says for potential books in the future. I’m working on several fantasy books at the moment and when I get an idea I do go around saying it to everyone to piss them off I just keep it to myself and write it down in a book. If I were on this mission I would have opened the back door and kicked this guy out. Sure it probably would have ruined the mission and the world would have blown up but I wouldn’t have to listen to this asshole.
So what happens to this guy? Like all assholes in disaster/horror movies who are part of the good guys’ team he turns his ways, kisses and makes up with the guy who he stole his formulas from, then dies. How? The captain of the crew is pinned down by one of the atomic bombs they are gonna use to restart the core with. Dr. Asshole attempts to help only to get himself pinned down. He stays in the section of the ship and before he dies he starts talking to the recorder again, even though the atomic bomb is going to pretty much annihilate him. The idiot even realizes why the hell he was recording a message if he was going to blow up anyway.
Maj. Rebecca Childs.
Codename: Corporal Bitch.
This is one dangerous woman guys so watch out for her. She may look innocent but don’t let her looks fool you for a second. Underneath that female body lies a nasty bitch who’s as cold as ice! Rebecca is the pilot of the ship and if you haven’t figured it out, she’s the only female in the photo. If you still need help it’s the one third from the right.
So why is she a bitch? When her good friend and trainer Cmdr. Robert Iverson aka Fatality Numero Uno dies, she has a little cry, gets over it and continues on with the mission. The others tell her to turn around to get the body for a burial but Rebecca just tells them to forget and assumes he would want them to continue. How the hell did she know he wanted them to continue on with the mission? Maybe he wanted them to get his body so that he maybe cremated and turned into an egg-timer.
She is also responsible for killing the poor French guy as well. When the ship starts to collapse from the pressure in the back section, she closes off the doors and leaves him inside to die. One guy cries and complains to her but she tells him the mission is more important. Now I don’t know about you but that is one cold hearted bitch right there. In a way it’s good that she has her head forced on nothing but the mission. She doesn’t even try to get it on with any of the male staff or even flirt with them, unlike all of those other tarts in disaster movies running around with their tops ripped off. Curse them and their bouncy assets!
So there you have it people, our team of super nerds and geeks who saved us when the earth’s core stopped spinning. What I only mentioned five of the six people in the photo? Oh yeah, well I’m saying him for tomorrow. Come back and we’ll take a look at the fearless leader of the group who gets the codename of Dr. MMWHABAHF.
Yup, our heroes are the same people that you probably bullied around in high school. Look like you owe them a very nice super wedgie of kindness the next time you see them.
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Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
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Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Movies
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Wasn't it worth it.
As for Rat.....small the cheese buddy.
You cannot contol the internet from America...Duh.
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Movies
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Nerd will rule the world one day.
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Movies