The Core - Part 1
January 7th 2008 01:55
Category: No Category
The Core: A disaster movie where there are more plugs for Pepsi than the disasters themselves.
Another week Bucket Heads which mean it’s another crap movie ready to be lined up for the chopping block. This week I’ve decided to swing away from crappy video-game movie adaptations and instead turn to a genre of movie that is just as predictable as getting a bowl of apple sauce out of a box of oranges, global catastrophe movies.
Now I dunno if global catastrophe is a type of genre, I’ve taken media units in high school and university, so label it under ‘drama that involves the end of the world’. Once you’ve seen one movie where the world is ending you’ve pretty much seen them all. There will probably be a few global catastrophe movies featured here on the Bucket so let’s look at one of the bad ones out there by the name of, The Core.
This one was a stinker. The core of the earth stopped spinning around which is causing a bunch of while lightning storms for some reason. There’s more to it people it’s not just lightning storms. After watching this movie I have become a lot smarter in regards of how to detect a global catastrophe by seeing some simple signs. So here are some ways to know if the world is going to become doomed. I present to you:
THE BUCKET’S GUIDE TO THE END OF THE WORLD!!!
Are your country's landmarks getting destroyed by natural disasters? It could be a possible sign that the world is coming to the end!
You know your world is coming to the end when people’s pacemakers stop working.
If you’re having dinner with Uncle or Aunty David and he/she/it suddenly drops dead before dessert can be served out you might have more to worry about than a dead relative. You should be worried if he had a pacemaker or not. If his pacemaker suddenly stopped working along with many other people who had pacemakers you could have a global catastrophe on your hands!It seems that when the earth’s core stops spinning it stops people’s pacemakers from working. This was the opening scene of the movie people and I can tell you about fifty or so people dropped dead in the same city. That tells me one of two things; America has a lot of unhealthy people or America has a huge heart disease problem. I don’t know why people just dropped dead in this city and not the others in the world, but from the amount of people that died in this first scene it probably did cover everyone in the world.
You know your world is coming to the end when birds go crazy and attack people.
If you see birds flying around like madmen diving at people and flying into buildings and cars, you could have a potential global disaster coming up. Do not be fooled when a bird and his posse take a couple of swoops at you, this could be a sign that the world is going to end!In a scene straight out of a Hitchcock movie huge flocks of birds in London attack innocent civilians and go insane. The smart people of London use their brains and instead of simply breaking their cars they speed up and turn sharply into buildings or on-coming traffic. Why Hollywood insists people’s first reaction to someone they see while driving is to speed up and endanger their lives I’ll never know. I don’t know about you but if something scares the shit out of me when I pull over and calm myself. Why the hell would anyone want to cause more damage than what’s already going on at the moment?
You know your world is coming to the end when man-made landmarks blow up.
If you happen to be having a lovely lunch on the streets of Paris one day and suddenly a huge bolt of lightning destroys the Eiffel Tower, it’s best you pack your bags, get out of your hotel and get into a bomb shelter for the remainder of your vacation. This is probably the biggest sign that a global disaster is imminent. If it’s the Pyramids of Egypt or the Sydney Opera House, if nature attacks it your world is coming to an end!Why the HELL does this happen in every Hollywood movie? It’s the end of the world so let’s have nature target the world’s famous landmarks. In The Core the unlucky city is Rome, which has more white people in the city than Italians by the way. Who were the victims of nature? The Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Colosseum, well I think the Leaning Tower was destroyed I’m pretty sure it was but the poor Colosseum was destroyed by lightning storms.
One of the three things generally happens in disaster movies: global trademarks get destroyed, Los Angeles gets destroyed or San Francisco gets destroyed. I don’t know why directors have a fascination with the previously mentioned cities but its so cliché it’s not funny. What made this even worse is that nothing else got hit by this huge lightning storm but these specific buildings. Looks like Mother Nature is a little jealous of man’s capability to build wondrous sites!
You know your world is coming to an end when the sun fires down lasers.
If you’re going out to the beach this summer Aussies make sure you take an extra sunscreen, like a bucket or two full of sunscreen. Why you ask? You’ll thank me when you see a gigantic solar beam rip apart the beach and most of your town. While everyone is running around lit up on fire, you’ll be enjoying that nice tan all thanks to my helpful advice. Oh yeah, and that laser that just shot out of the sun could mean the end of the world!In the movie the sun beams down a huge beam that destroys most of, wait for it, San Francisco. No one is safe, not even the trademark Golden Gate Bridge that gets destroyed in every movie that its featured in. I don’t even know how a solar beam from the sun could be possible if the earth’s core stopped spinning. I thought the Sun and the Earth weren’t connected in anyway? Don’t give me:
“Dude you’re forgetting that the core stopped spinning which means that the world stopped spinning!”
Oh yeah? Well if the world stopped spinning it would only half of the world would have light and the other half would have darkness. This means one half of the world would blow up from the extreme heat over time while the other half would freeze over time. The halting of the earth’s rotation should not have ANYTHING to do with the sun taken a cheap shot at the poor planet.
These are just four ways to know that your world is coming to an end but fear not Bucket Heads! Where there’s disaster there are always heroes to save us and who better but the find nerds and geeks who defend our lives without us knowing! Come back tomorrow and I’ll introduce you all to our scientific team of superheroes!
By the way I don’t know what being ‘as predictable as getting a bowl of apple sauce out of a box of oranges’ means. I thought it just sounded cool at the time.
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Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
I saw this movie and from the time that they landed the space shuttle in a drain till the time they tried to escape from a volcano I was shaking my head.
However if you have nothing else at the video shop it is good braindead trush to keep the kids quiet.
"Ooow, lights and techno babble..."
Anyway there is a website that lists many of the common SF movies and compares where they break the laws of science.
Number one for the most laws broken is The Core.
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Movies
I gotta check out that website for more "end of the world" movies. You gotta love the cheesiness