Rush Hour 3 – Final Thoughts
April 3rd 2009 02:10
Category: R
Alright I’m going to be doing something different here Bucket Heads. Instead of picking out some things that I didn’t like about the movie – from now on I am going to be going through the entire thing and tearing it apart. I figured there is something too many bad things in the movies I watch for me not to acknowledge them here. Let’s begin the autopsy shall we?
The Breakdown.
To start Rush Hour 3 off, we are treated to Chris Tucker singing and dancing in the middle of peak hour traffic. The scene is no funny at all and Tucker is nothing but annoying. I don’t know what person would find this funny. The guy is a pest! Thankfully the movie begins to set up what it’s about with the assassination attempt on Ambassador Han’s life after he discovers something about the Triads. It’s really funny how much of a HUGE treat they made the Triads are in this movie – especially if they’ve been around for “500 years”.
Jackie Chan chases after the villain across a busy road which is cool, because I love watching Chan pulling off his awesome stunts. Of course the cool scenes were ruined by Tucker who begun running his mouth off like an idiot, attempting to be humourous but just making the whole scene frustrating to watch. It really annoyed me since I tried to enjoy watching Chan’s awesome stunts only to have my head drilled in by Tucker’s annoying voice. Well Carter (Tucker) screws it up for Lee (Chan) yet again in letting the bad guy escape – what a huge surprise. If you’ve seen the first two Rush Hour movies, you’ll know what I mean. If you’ve seen the first two Rush Hour movies, you’ll know exactly what’s in store.
Lee’s pissed off about Carter screwing up the capture of Kenji (the assassin) but Carter insists on helping him out. He even throws himself back on the case despite being demoted from a detective to a crappy street cop who directs traffic. I love it when people defy their commanders and do whatever they want in movies. Soo Yung appears and Carter wants to bang her, and if I were Lee I’d beat the shit out of him. I’m actually trying to think of the age of Soo Yung so let’s see. Soo Yung would have been about ten in Rush Hour 1. Rush Hour 2 is said to be said about a week after Rush Hour 1. Rush Hour 3 was made six years after the second. That makes Soo Yung, 16. That makes Chris Tucker, a pedophile. That also makes Soo Yung the oldest looking 16 year old girl I’ve ever seen.
Carter and Lee head to Soo Yung’s kung fu school to get her stuff from her locker. Before they enter we have a “funny” discussion between Carter and Lee about how Carter can be Asian but Lee can’t be Black. It was stupid and mainly contained Tucker acting like an idiot. They go into the kung fu school and once again we get to hear Chris Tucker yelling and talking faster than the speed of light for about ten minutes. We also get a stolen joke with the “My name’s YOU” thing. It wasn’t funny, since it’s been used before many times.
Carter and Lee head back to the hospital and foil another assassination attempt on Han’s life. The fight scene here was pretty crappy with nothing cool about it. Something I did notice though was that Soo Yung is a very crappy kung fu teacher. She got her ass handed to her, and she is meant to be teaching other people how to fight? Following this is a racist scene involving a French Asian man calling Carter’s mother a stupid n**** and calling Lee a pussy faggot. You gotta love that type of stuff in a movie that’s most likely going to be seen by a lot of kids huh?
Reynard, a guy who is part of the UN, mysteriously wants to have Soo Yung with him in Paris. Two things came to my mind: he is a pedophile or he’s going to be the bad guy. If you’ve seen the first two Rush Hour movies, you’ll know why. Lee and Carter go to Paris and get an anal inspection by a French police commissioner which was a totally pointless and stupid scene. This is followed up with an Anti-American French man (how original) who is forced to love America because Carter points a gun at him. Ah America, how I love it when you make the world see things your way. Oh Carter starts singing again as well.
The boys do some looking around in a casino and Lee gets attacked by a knife throwing Asian women. I don’t know what her name is, but it turns out her name is DRAGON LADY!!! Yeah I didn’t see that one coming. Lee and her fight (yet another bad fighting scene) while we have the honour of hearing Carter cheer on lee thinking he is banging her. Following this we get a crappy car chase scene with the Anti-American driver now loving America.
At this point we find out that Kenji is Lee’s brother, a HUGE shocking twist considering this was basically given away right at the start. Carter starts running his mouth at Lee about them being brothers, but Lee finally gets pissed off at him and Carter leaves. What followed this up had me shocked. They start seeing things they remind each one of the other. Now Carter see Short Round of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom on TV, and orders some mushu. Fair enough… but Lee is watching an African tribe on TV, and then orders fried chicken. I’m surprised he didn’t order some corn bread, watermelon or be asked to be sent to a cotton plantation! Jesus Christ, this is meant to be Rush Hour – a stupid action-comedy movie not the KKK Hour.
Carter heads to a club and pretends to act like some stupid gay fashion designer to get the women to take off their clothes. We see hot French girls yes, but we have to bare with Tucker’s bad acting yet again. Jackie is visited by Reynard and heads to the same place, where the two rescue Genevieve – the girl who knows the secrets of the Triad. Carter and Lee make out they are part of the show. Not only do we get so see Tucker singing annoyingly loud, but Chan humiliates himself by singing as well… and people wonder why Jackie Chan has decided to only do films in Asia now.
Back at the hotel Carter tries to bang Genevieve, but DRAGON LADY comes to kill them. Fear not, Lee is here to save them! Carter doesn’t care; he just gets pissed off at Lee for screwing up his chance in banging Genevieve. It wasn’t even funny probably due to the fact it made no sense at all. Why would someone get pissed off when he had his life saved? Even for a comedy movie the thought is illogical. The boys take Genevieve to Reynard who is, surprise surprise, part of the Triad! I don’t know what gave that away to the audience: the fact Reynard has Asian bodyguards and security in France, or the fact in every Rush Hour movie the powerful white man is secretly working with the Triad.
Thankfully the end of the movie is near with Carter and Lee going to the Eiffel Tower to confront Kenji. Lee and Kenji fight a bad fight while Carter adds to it by constantly talking. Kenji and Lee fight on the frames and, for the first time ever, we see CGI Jackie Chan. You can tell Chan was really looking forward to making this movie huh? What makes it worse is that Carter is left along to beat up half a dozen Triad members. What’s worse than see Carter ACTUALLY win? The stupid little “Kung Fu Fighting” song and dance he does afterwards. If the Triad are meant to be so dangerous how the HELL did they just get their asses kicked by an annoying loud mouthed traffic cop?
Thankfully the movie ends shortly after with Carter and Lee saving Soo Yung, defeating the Triad and parachuting off the Eiffel Tower with the French flag. Yeah it sounds as bad as it reads Bucket Heads but I can tell you, this movie had suck written all over it right from the start.
Final Thoughts.
If you’ve seen one Rush Hour movie, you’ve basically seen them all. The only difference with Rush Hour 3 was that is lacked everything that made Rush Hour 1 and 2 enjoyable. They made a few changes as well that really made the movie bad. The biggest one was the huge role reversal between Lee and Carter. Lee was the main guy and Carter was the crazy sidekick. This time, the roles were changes only that Carter completely dominated the movie.
How is this different from the first two? I didn’t have to hear and put up with Chris Tucker running around for ninety minutes screaming and running his mouth off throughout the whole thing. In those movies he was given the supporting role which was perfect, but now that the spotlight was on him it made everyone realize “Wow, this guy isn’t funny – he’s just some annoying asshole!”. The movie was focused on Lee at the start but as soon as the movie shifted to Carter for no reason at all, it became undone very fast.
I’ve seen a lot of movies Jackie Chan has been in, and it looked like he was very uncomfortable in this movie. He’s normally running around kicking everyone’s asses and doing crazy stunts. In Rush Hour 3, he did a little bit of stunts and was replaced by CGI. Chris Tucker had more fight scenes than him – and that’s a bad thing. I can’t blame Chan now spending more time in Asia making movies than what he does in America.
There was nothing special at all in Rush Hour 3 and given that they had over six years to do this movie, it was very disappointing to see them recycle the same formula. If you’re a fan of Rush Hour 1 and 2, I think you’ll be very disappointed to see how the series has turned out. I was a fan of 1 and 2, but after seeing 3 it’s put me off them. If you’re going to watch the movie though I highly suggest doing it on mute – you’ll spare yourself from having to gear Chris Tucker’s eardrum shattering voice.
So ends the first newly formatted Final Thoughts section. Let me know what you think of this – if it’s a good improvement or not. Until my new review, take care Bucket Heads!
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