Roadhouse - Part 4
January 24th 2008 02:06
Category: No Category
Having a bear land on you could be worse... you might get have a hobby horse with a wooden d*** fall on you instead.
Quotes! Quotes! Quotes! Need I say more? Let’s kick off today’s post then!
“It was a good night, no one died.” - Frank Tilghman.
Despite witnessing a massive brawl in his first night at the Double Deuce, Dalton finds out from his new boss Frank that this was actually a pretty good night since no one was killed. This may me think, how the hell has this place managed to stay open if people are being killed left and right? What got me was that this quote implies at least someone dies in this place every night. That got me to think this town must have a lot, and I mean a LOT, of drunken losers with no brains if they are going to keep showing up to a place where patrons are being killed every night.
“Does everyone pay?” – James Dalton.
“Does a hobby horse have a wooden dick?” – Red Webster.
I have no idea what this means. Dalton just asked the store owner Red if everyone pays Wesley’s goons when they come knocking, and Red replied with that. Now according to Red this means that no one would be paying Wesley since a hobby horse doesn’t have a wooden dick. But I think that he was being serious and I think that he thinks hobby horses have wooden penises. If someone can provide me a picture of a hobby horse with a penis please e-mail it to me because I am really confused. And who the hell would even build a hobby horse and make a penis for it? You got to be one sick twisted person to build a kiddy toy with a penis on it. That’s the type of hobby horses you’d expert to find in sex-toy stores, and I doubt that they would be wooden since no one likes getting splinters.
“The Double Douche!” – Wade Garrett.
This was mentioned in the 2nd post for this review but I thought I would mention it hear again. After arriving at the pub Wade calls the place ‘The Double Douche’ instead of calling it ‘The Double Deuce’. Now maybe he was acting like an asshole making fun of the name but I think that there is a possibility that he is stupid. I think he failed English in Grade 1 and probably dropped out from school at Grade 2. Here’s another example of his stupidness.
“That gal's got entirely too many brains to have an ass like that.” – Wade Garrett.
What the hell does that mean? Wade is talking to Dalton in reference to his hot doctor chick but this makes no sense. ‘Entirely too many brains?’ Could they have made him sound anymore like a stereotypical stupid southern? They should have just had Wade say the sentence normal like “she’s too smart to have an ass like that” but what the HELL do brains have to do with someone’s ass? He is trying to tell Dalton that his doctor chick is too smart to have an ass like that? He is suggesting that she is too smart to be pretty so in his eyes you can either be smart and ugly or dumb and pretty. What a moron. You know who else is a moron? Dalton. Let’s look at some quotes that come out of his asshole mouth.
“There’s no amount of money that will make me work for you.” – James Dalton.
Dalton tells Wesley the rich dude that he would never work for him since he cannot be bought out. Now normally when someone says something along the lines of this they imply that they cannot be bought out for any amount since money means nothing to them. If Dalton is implying this through this sentence he is a complete idiot. It seems like there IS a right amount of money to make him work for someone. He got paid $5000 upfront, he is getting paid $500 per night and he has all of his medical expenses paid just for working for the owner of the Double Deuce. The rich guy would have provided a lot more money and being one of the goons of a powerful rich guy, Dalton would have enjoyed himself more with Wesley than with those idiots at that crappy pub.
“Nobody ever wins a fight” – James Dalton.
This is just one of the many random, enlightening quotes that Dalton tells people out of the blue. If nobody wins a fight then someone tell me what a winner is? A winner is someone who wins a contest, a game, a battle, a fight, anything that involves two sides competing for something. In the end a winner is announced so Dalton is wrong. Oh? Maybe he was implying that no matter who the winner is everyone always gets hurt in some way, even the winners? Well no since there is still a winner of a contest but I mentioned this quote for two reasons. One, Dalton is an idiot thinking that no one wins in a fight when someone clearly has to and two, Dalton contradicts himself with this:
“I’m only good at one thing, I never lose” – James Dalton.
Dalton reassures his woman that he is going to be ok when he faces off against Wesley and his goons but wait a minute; didn’t he just say that no one ever wins a fight? Yeah I’m confused as well. So now Dalton is saying that there ARE winners in a fight and that he is one of them? If you lose a fight that means you well… lose in a conflict, fight, battle, contest, game etc. but Dalton made it clear that NO ONE WINS A FIGHT. Here he is boosting that he never loses which means that he WINS. You asshole Dalton, you’re sure a god damn asshole and it will be my pleasure to rip you apart in tomorrow’s post. Remember how I mentioned that this movie contains hidden gay messages? I think the quotes speak for themselves. Here are just a few:
“I used to f*** guys like you in prison.” – Jimmy.
Wow… you can’t get any more homosexual then that. Jimmy informs Dalton that he used to have sex with people that were like Dalton while serving time in prison. If he was aiming to intimidate and scare us he did a damn good job. It sure made me worry about my life and more importantly, my ass. If I were fighting someone and they said that to me I’d run the hell away, or try even harder to kill him incase he wanted my butt. I dunno why Dalton would go on to kill Jimmy since I was pretty certain that Dalton was gay himself. Maybe he wasn’t looking for a man like Jimmy, maybe he wanted someone he could have nice long walks on a beach with.
“You found my trophy room. Only thing missing is your ass.” – Brad Wesley.
Wesley pretty much tells Dalton that he is an ass hunter as they are about to engage in the final battle of the movie. I’ve heard of crocodile hunters, deer hunters, snake hunters (I bet you’re thinking that sounds a bit gay too you sick freak), but I’ve never heard of a hunter who specialized in ass before. Maybe Wesley was implying that he was going to kill Dalton but why the hell would he want to mount Dalton’s ass on a wall? Wouldn’t he just be happier with the head instead? Why did the last two question sound so sexual? Why don’t I just move on with the final quote for this section so we can all stop feeling uncomfortable?
“A polar bear fell on me.” – Tinker.
The final lines of the movie are not ones about making dreams come true or standing up against people trying to hold you done, instead we hear the fat goon of Wesley tell the cops he was pinned down by a stuffed bear and that he didn’t see or hear four people with shotguns blow Wesley away. What makes it worse is that it’s all set up like a damn ending from all of those bad 1980’s sitcoms where someone says something stupid with that stupid look on their faces and everyone, the cast and the stupid audience, start laughing. If I were there and I found those shotguns I would blow everyone in that scene away and set the town on fire because they are ALL damn annoying.
Well there you have it people, great quotes for a crap movie. Come back tomorrow and we’ll take a look at James Dalton himself, probably the biggest asshole that you’ll ever meet in a movie.
Hobby horses with wooden dicks, ass hunters and prison rape… can this movie be anymore gayer?
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