The Bucket Presents: Norbit
May 26th 2008 03:35
Category: N
Meet Norbit: The title character of the movie that just made Eddie Murphy's career a lot worse.
As I think it’s really sad whenever an actor falls from grace. I’m talking about hose actors who we loved to watch in movies like ten years ago in whatever genre they were good at. I’m talking about those actors who starred in those classic movies of the late 1980s and early 1990s that my generation would remember. There were some really good movies back then and some pretty funny actors. Today, whenever we see these actors on the big screen, we can’t help but shudder or shed a tear when we see what they have ultimately become.
Take for example, Eddie Murphy. This guy gave us some classic movies like Beverly Hills Cop, Coming To America and let’s not forget his awesome stand-up shows Raw and Delirious. Yeah Eddie used to be awesome until the late 1990s rolled out and he started giving his fans movies that made them turn on him. Sure he has Shriek going for him but come on, even that is starting to get watered down to the point where we’re going to hate the series.
Recently Eddie’s movies have been flopping hardcore and one very good example of this – though there is an even better one I’ll be looking at in the future – is Norbit. I remember seeing previews for this movie and couldn’t help but say a prayer for Mr. Murphy. If you haven’t seen Norbit it will probably make you cry just knowing that Eddie has had some awesome movies in the past. So, my Bucket Heads, allow me to present to you all the (bad) comedy of Norbit.
Ain't they a lovely couple? Paula Abdul was right, opposites attract!
Once upon a time a young child called Norbit (played by Eddie Murphy) was dumped outside Mr. Wong’s orphanage/restaurant, who calls baby Norbit an ugly black baby. Norbit and the other children play with duck heads, plays in piles of MSG and even carry a large wooden whale for Mr. Wong (who is played by Eddit Murphy as well) to harpoon. Norbit has a childhood love called Kate, they did everything together from playing checkers to even taking a dump together. Yes, they showed two little children taking a dump. The two have a cute little kiddy wedding and exchange lollypop rings, then Kate gets adopted. Too bad, so sad.
Norbit is left without a buddy and plays by himself. He is bullied but one day a fat girl called Rasputia saves him and forces him to become her boyfriend. She has three brothers called Jack, Earl and Blue who pretty much bully the entire town for money. Norbit and Rasputia (now played by Eddie Murphy) tie the knot Mr. Wong talks about how disgusting it is with the town’s two pimps: Pope Sweet Jesus and Lord Have Mercy. I would love to meet the creative genius behind that. Rasputia’s brother threaten to kill Norbit if he treats her bad.
Mr. Wong gets on the microphone for a toast and wonders why Norbit married Rasputia but he knows he is strong enough to survive anything, even that fat cow. After the reception Norbit can’t carry Rasputia into the house. Norbit stands at the bed and Rasputia launches herself at him for a good time. Repeat this about five or six times but with different costumes. You gotta love how a movie waters down a joke in a movie within fifteen seconds.
In the present day Rasputia acts like the most stereotypical black woman that appears in every Hollywood movie. The one thing she says throughout the movie is this stupid line “How YOU Doin’!?” which it is safe to say that if you tried to have a drinking game using this line, you’d be having your stomach pumped and a liver transplant. Anyway, Rasputia barks at a little dog, struggles to get into her car – because she is so FAT – and accuses poor Norbit of adjusting her seat.
Meanwhile her brothers are trying to force Mr. Wong into selling his restaurant/orphanage so he pulls out a harpoon and threatens to kill them. Rasputia heads to an aerobics and asks for a private lesson at home from her instructor Busta. Norbit heads to a BBQ restaurant, run by the pimps, and buys a truckload of food for Raspustia. He heads home to get his puppets for a show he is doing at the orphanage and finds Rasputia in bed with Busta. They say they are doing nude lessons and Rasputia threatens to kill poor Norbit.
Norbit calls Rasputia the Queen of Whores and she chases after him. She bowls down the mailman, smashes through a table and gets tired after one minute. Poor Norbit is upset and throws out his wedding ring. He heads to Mr. Wong’s, does a puppet show that turns into an argument with him and his wife. Mr. Wong calls off the show and Kate shows up and Norbit is really happy again. She says she’s going to buy the orphanage from Wong and take over. They agree to meet up on Tuesday and he is happy, he keeps saying it over and over all night and day. Even when Busta comes back to his house to screw Rasputia, Norbit is still over the moon.
If you didn't reach for the bucket to hurl your guts up, you probably reached for a fork and stabbed your eyes out. I actually did both!
Norbit comes into the restaurant and meets Kate and her fiancé Deion. Norbit is now upset and starts crying. The dog barks at Rasputia and Norbit thinks he is barking at an earthquake. That was SO funny it’s like the most original joke about a fat person that I’ve ever heard! Rasputia can’t get into the car the following day and Norbit says it’s because she is fat, but changes it to that the car is shrinking when Rasputia gives him a murderous look. They drive around as Rasputia sings “Don’t Cha’”, then chases after the neighbour’s dog and runs it over. Norbit wants to leave Rasputia but she says he can’t because she is pregnant – of course she is lying – and Norbit gets happy.
There’s a town fair and the two pimps recruit a few more women to be their hoes. Kate is spending time with the orphans and Deion hates children but makes out he loves them. He leaves to take a phone call and it appears he is cheating on Kate – naturally like in any romantic-comedy movie – and Norbit slightly overhears it. Norbit meets up with Kate and tells her that he is married. She thinks it’s great until she sees Rasputia. Her orphans make fun of her. Rasputia sends Kate to speak to her brothers, then yells at Norbit for wanting to screw Kate. Norbit says she shouldn’t get mad because of the baby, but she says she isn’t pregnant and it was a bad case of gas… then proceeds to fart. To think… Eddie Murphy was funnier than this…
Kate talks to Rasputia’s brothers about buying Wong’s place and they get pissed off. Meanwhile the huge cow chases children around the place for making fun of her and squeezes inside a jumping castle. They throw her hat around while Kate and Norbit dance together. Rasputia sends one of the kids flying across the castle and knocks some out of the castle and deflates it. She sees Norbit drinking and dancing and gets upset with Kate. Everyone is cheering Norbit on so Rasputia slams stereo over his head.
Norbit is in the hospital and Kate comes to visit him in the hospital. His heart beat increases when Kate is around and he rips off the monitor. Rasputia’s brothers have a word with Deion and bully him out of buying Mr. Wong’s place. They convince him to go into a partnership with them so they can turn the place into a titty bar called El Nipplopolis. Kate wants Norbit to work at the orphanage and tells Norbit to come bike riding with the kids. He says he doesn’t know since he can’t ride a bike well. They decide to go to the water park instead.
Deion prepares take away like it was a nice meal he cooked for Kate and rushes Kate to marry him to he can get the place. Norbit heads off to mail a letter to check the backgrounds about people’s checks, since he doesn’t trust Deion. Rasputia gets up and wants to know where he is going. He says he is going to the water park and Rasputia wants to know if the “skinny bitch” is going. He says he doesn’t know but Rasputia insists that she comes along.
At the park Norbit shows up with Rasputia. Someone asks if she is wearing bottoms because her gut is covering everything. They meet up with Kate and Rasputia talks to Kate alone. She says no one likes skinny chicks and makes Norbit look like a huge sex freak. Norbit takes the kids up to the big slide and Kate tells him her and Deion are going to be getting married on Saturday. Norbit watches Kate go up the slide and Rasputia is getting annoyed with how much attention he is paying to her. She goes up, slides down, smashes through a cabin and lands in a kiddy swimming pool causing all the water to get splashed out. How funny… and ridiculously stupid.
White people, Asian people, Donkies, Spaceships - is there ANYTHING that Eddie Murphy HASN'T played yet!?
The dog is on a wheelchair and Norbit talks to him about Kate getting married. Norbit is at work and Rasputia is watching Maury. Norbit gets a call from Kate to meet him down town and heads out, making out he is going to deliver some mail. Kate takes him bike riding to teach him how to ride the bike. He falls and everyone laughs. The days past by and he keeps making up excuses to go out with Kate. They have a random clip of Rasputia watching her car like one of those hoes with the Milkshake song playing in the background. Kate asks Norbit to come to the reception to pick out food. He agrees to go with her.
Kate picks her dress and Deion likes it, but she is now having second thoughts about rushing the wedding. Kate does her hair up nicely for the night and Rasputia is at the hairdressers as well. Rasputia goes to have her bikini wax and they rip off out a wig… eewww. Deion meets up with the brothers and they say there is a problem with the orphanage, since it has to be bought under Kate’s name she has to sign for the license. They go to Norbit and bully him into getting Kate to sign the papers.
Norbit heads to the pimps and they give him a full makeover. Norbit and Kate go to the restaurant, not a reception, and Norbit says they haven’t been here for a while since they got banned from the “All You Can Eat” night. As the night goes on the two get drunk, have a good time and Norbit makes her sign the papers not knowing what they are about. Rasputia is in her house eating four large pizzas and her younger brother says Norbit is out with Kate. Rasputia heads after the two, who are now in a church rehearsing what is going on. Kate is practicing her vowels and she asks what Norbit would say, to which he pretty much says how much he loves Kate. They kiss and Rasputia drives past seeing them. She passes out and crashes and her gigantic fat breasts act like a pair of airbags!
Kate runs out of the church all upset about what happened and Norbit runs after her, while Rasputia gets out of the car, grabs a crowbar and runs into the church finding no one inside. Norbit chases after Kate and she says she is confused. She says she likes Norbit and doesn’t know if she wants him or Deion. Norbit hands the brothers the papers that night and they laugh at him. Rasputia is waiting for him in the house. She throws him out through the window and the dog walks up to him and licks him. The dog tells Norbit to kill Rasputia… that was random. Rasputia comes out with a potato and pours acid on it, saying that is what’s going to happen the next time he sees Kate. Did anyone get a flashback of The Core when the guy set a peach on fire saying that was going to happen to the world?
Kate is practicing her break up with Deion, who comes up to Kate asking why she signed the liquor license of the place. Rasputia makes Norbit clean up the basement and Norbit calls her a bitch as she goes up to take a bubble bath. She gets in and all the water floods out. Kate goes to Norbit’s house and he calls her over at the basement. He acts like an asshole to Kate – but he isn’t really an asshole he is trying to protect her from his obese wife. Rasputia comes out saying Norbit set her up all this time and now Kate hates Norbit.
Norbit gets up in the middle of the night and leaves the house. Mr. Wong is on the street and they talk. Norbit tells him he is leaving and Wong tells him to stick around. He mentions how he traded a girl for a yak and how much he hates blacks and Jews. He tells Norbit he might be ugly but his strong, and that the mail comes in on Friday. Norbit checks his letterbox and find the letter from the tax agency. He tries to call Kate but she hangs up on him. Norbit heads inside and Rasputia and her brothers bully him around some more, they tell him about the plan with Deion and the strip club and lock him down into the basement. Norbit smiles and starts making a few phone calls.
Believe or it not, Eddie Murphy doesn't play the role of Kate in this movie.
The next day Rasputia and her brothers go to the wedding while one of them stays to look after Norbit. Mr. Wong checks up on Kate and she still has the lollypop ring from when she and Norbit were kids. Norbit climbs out of the window and escapes on a bike to the church. Rasputia gets a call from the brother at the house and they head out to get Norbit. Mr. Wong over hears what they are saying and tells the two pimps to stall the wedding. Pope starts talking about love while Mercy starts promoting their pimping and BBQ business.
Rasputia chases Norbit on his bike and tries to drag him into the car, as the pimps keep talking about their BBQ ribs. Deion gets pissed off and the pimps start talking about love again. The choir starts singing about love and everyone is dancing around. Norbit escapes from Rasputia’s car and rides down a hill while everyone in the church is still singing about love. Norbit crashes into a lake and runs to the church as Deion screams at everyone to stop so they can continue the service.
As they are about to begin again Norbit runs in saying he love Kate. Rasputia and her brothers run inside and Norbit tells her that they are going to split up. Norbit tells Kate that Deion is a con artist who marries women for money and dumps them. He tells Kate about his plan to turn the orphanage into a strip club with Rasputia. He pulls out the letter with Deion’s history on it, but the water ruined it so there is no evidence. Kate cries and says she can’t trust Norbit and Rasputia laughs at him. However, Norbit called all of Deion’s ex-wives who make their way into the church with his children. Deion bails, and Rasputia chases after Norbit with her brothers.
The brothers grab Norbit but the townspeople have had enough of being bullied by the family and fight back. Rasputia grabs hold of a shovel and fights off the restaurant owner, the tailors and the florist. She grabs Norbit and is about to kill him, but Mr. Wong comes out with a harpoon and nails Rasputia right in her fat ass! She runs off and everyone in the town chases after her. Kate apologises to Norbit and the two kiss and make up.
Shortly after, Norbit and Kate get married under the tree where they had they play wedding at when they were kids. They exchange lollypop rings and kiss making all the orphans shout “Eww!”. Mr. Wong tells off the kids for saying and proceeds to make out with his wife. While Norbit and Kate live happily ever after, Rasputia now works as the main stripper for the club her brothers established in Mexico. The End.
This has to be the first Eddit Murphy movie that I have seen where I didn’t laugh or giggle or chuckle or even smile for being slightly funny. This movie sucks for two reasons: it reminds us how awesome Eddie Murphy used to be and well… it just sucked plain and simple. I’ll be saving the bashing for my Final Thoughts section on Friday. Until then my Bucket Heads take it easy and enjoy the rest of your week.
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