Lake Placid - Part 4
January 17th 2008 02:45
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Who would have thought that a sweet old lady could have such a wicked nasty tongue?
Quotes, quotes, quotes and more quotes! Did I mention that this post is going to be featuring quotes? Well it’s my favourite part of the week so here we go Bucket Heads!
QUOTES FROM LAKE PLACID!!!
Here we go! Let’s start off with some quotes from one very annoying female by the name of Kelly Scott.
“Look, if you call me "ma'am" one more time I'll sue you for sexual harassment, and with today's laws, it's possible.” – Kelly Scott.
This is one screwed up chick. I’ll be talking more about her tomorrow but she threatened to sue poor Jack Wells played by Bill Pullman when he tried to claim her down when he is freaking out over the amount of bugs in the woods. Yeah I know it sounds completely stupid that she would freak out over something that nature can’t really control. Why the hell would she want to sue someone for calling her ‘ma’am’ and how would that even be considered sexual harassment? I guess she would have preferred to be called ‘sweet cheeks’ or ‘doll face’ or ‘dirty s***’ maybe she seems those terms as being more political correct.
“Maybe I should just wipe myself with some leafy little piece of poison oak. And then I can spend the whole day scratchin' my ass, blendin' in with the natives.” – Kelly Scott.
“Well, uh... is the dead guy in there?” – Kelly Scott.
Not only is Kelly extremely annoying but she appears to be extremely stupid as well. Kelly pops out this little beauty when she steps into a morgue, as in the morgue where dead bodies are stored. Of course you are going to find a damn dead body in a place that stores morgues! What an idiot. I’m sick of talking about this idiot so I’m going to move onto some intellectual conversations between some characters.
“I... I... I never heard of a crocodile crossing an ocean.” – Sheriff Hank.
“Well, they conceal information like that in books.” – Hector Cyr.
Alright I lied there are no intellectual conversations in this movie just people trying to act smart but end up coming off as dumb. This might not be anything wrong with this quote since it just makes the sheriff look stupid but it’s something that happens down the road that kinda got me. It might not be such a big deal for you guys but it was to me now that I think about it. Hector is a professor and an expert of crocodiles so he replies back to Hank in a very sarcastic way. It’s funny, they also contain information in books about crocodiles including the fact that they attack underwater, which Hector seems to deny in this movie. Didn’t someone say that books contain conceal information on a range of topics? Yeah I thought so as well. Shall we move onto another enlightening conversation between the odd couple?
“I brought a pork chop for luck. Maybe you could hang it around your neck.” – Sheriff Hank.
“That's sweet. Maybe later you can chew the bark off my big… fat… log.” – Hector Cyr.
What the HELL!? This is the same phrase that I shouted out when I heard that last sentence! Hank and Hector bicker with one another throughout the whole movie and its no surprise that Hank would want to see Hector dead hence the suggestion of the pork chop around his neck. The retaliation remark from Hector completely caught me off guard. I was expecting him to say something about Hank being a huge roast pig since he always comments about his weight. Instead he asks for oral pleasure in the most bizarre way that I ever heard of. Oh? Yeah he was asking for him to umm ‘blow him’ if you would incase you were wondering that Hector actually asked him to bite the bark off his oak tree or something.
“Law enforcement is very dangerous work isn't it? …and you have such big, wonderful boobs.” – Hector Cyr.
Here’s some advice for gentlemen who are looking for a hot date to score for the weekend. If you state to a woman that their line of work is dangerous and then compliment their breasts you will most likely get them in bed with you. It worked for Hector who ends up picking up the only female cop in the town. Now all you ladies out there don’t you deny that you haven’t fallen for this little technique in the past, if it’s in a Hollywood movie that means it real. Then again I’m sure you were all expecting the female cop to kick, knee, or punch Hector between the legs and probably stomp on his family jewels a few times while he was down.
Sadly the dialogue between characters is pretty poor in this movie. It usually involved stupid arguments between Hector and Hank, Kelly running around complaining about EVERYTHING under the sun and poor Bill Pullman just moaned and sighed in frustration pretty much expressing what all of us were thinking throughout this movie. There was one character however that provided some of the best quotes in this movie and dare I say, in any movie I’ve seen. You wouldn’t think it coming out of kind, nice, little old Mrs. Bickerman like the following:
“You're gonna stay right here until the police show. You're under full house arrest.” – Sheriff Hank.
“Thank you, officer f***-meat!” – Mrs. Bickerman.
I cannot tell you how much injustice is being done by you reading this. You REALLY have to hear her bust out these great one liners. Poor Mrs. Bickerman is being held against her will after doing something simple like feeding the huge crocodile in the lake. It’s not a crime and Mrs. Bickerman expresses her annoyance. It’s so funny hearing something like ‘f***-meat’ come out of a sweet old woman. And what the hell is a f***-meat? It cracked me up badly but not as much as our final and best quote from the movie did.
“If I had a dick, this is where I'd tell you to suck it!” – Mrs. Bickerman.
This has to be one of the greatest lines that I have ever heard in a movie. This awesome quote comes up when Sheriff Hank asks if Mrs. Bickerman had lead Mr. Bickerman to the crocodile to feed it. When I heard this I was rolling on the floor laughing my damn ass off. Like I said earlier you wouldn’t expect to here these quotes coming out of the mouth of a sweet old lady. It catches you off guard then when you realize what was said you can’t help but laugh. It’s a classic! Thank god for Betty White cause this movie would have totally sucked without her character!
That’s about all for the quotes page this week Bucket Heads. Tomorrow will be the last part of the review and we’ll be looking at one of the most annoying females in a movie ever. I know I’ve said it before but I’m pretty convinced that there is no one more annoying than the bitch we’ll be looking at tomorrow.
“If a had a dick, this is where I’d tell you to suck it!”. It still cracks me up now!
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