Lake Placid - Part 3
January 16th 2008 02:11
Category: No Category
Would you believe this guy is a professor is a huge sex-bomb party animal? Yeah me neither looking at this pig.
If you read yesterday’s post on how Lake Placid reinvented the characteristics of crocodiles you would have seen much of my anger directed to the one person in the movie who was responsible for informing us of these facts. Damn, that was a long sentence. This person is a complete idiot who claims to be a crocodile expert. Ladies and gentlemen allow me to introduce to you all;
PROFESSOR HECTOR CYR!!!
Where shall I begin with this post today. Let’s start off from the first moment Hector graces our screens via helicopter. He must be making a huge amount of money if he is traveling around in his own private helicopter. Cyr knows the lead female character in this movie one Kelly Scott, who has to be one of the most annoying women in a movie I have ever seen. More on her another day Bucket Heads and it’s not going to be pretty.
Hector tells Kelly and everyone who is investigating the brutal murder of a fisherman that he believes a crocodile is responsible. One thing that stuck me as odd was how the hell did this guy randomly find out not only about the killing at the lake but make a big claim it was a crocodile? You know what the funny part is about this? He doesn’t care about capturing the crocodile or killing it, he wants to swim with it. Yeah you heard me right. It seems that Hector has a sick fetish for swimming with dangerous reptiles. Judging from this information I already hate this guy and I’m not the only person either.
Sheriff Hank Keough does not like Hector at all and I cannot blame him. As soon as he meets the sheriff Hector starts calling him fat. He should really look at a mirror before he starts calling people fat cause this guy is no Michelangelo’s David. The petty fights between the sheriff and Hector continue throughout the movie constantly becoming less funny by the moment. Hector runs off a bunch of incest jokes, mama jokes and even threatens the sheriff with his highly trained kung-fu skills. Hank replies by knocking Hector on his ass with one hard right hook to the face! That will teach you for being such a smart ass.
Something else that disturbed me about Hector was the extremity of his horny level. This guy pretty much wants to bang any female out there. I’ll even go as far as saying that he would probably bang anything that could walk be it female or male. How did I come to the conclusion that he might be bisexual? During one of his stupid arguments with the sheriff Hector tells him to, in a very bizarre way, to give him oral pleasure. Yeah I’m gonna save the exact words he uses for tomorrow but when you read it, you too slam your head into a brick just like I had when I heard it.
Don’t even get me started on that stupid idea of his to have a huge party in his tent to try and lute the crocodile on land so he can get caught in his trap. Here are some things wrong with this scenario that annoyed me. Firstly, since he did throw a party may I ask where he got all of his supplies from if he was in camp for most of the time? This means he must have brought alcohol, food, music, stereo system, glow sticks, a disco ball and probably a couple of bags of wonder pills to get the party going. Why would a crocodile professor be carrying all of that around in his helicopter I wonder. Oh that’s right, he is a huge sex freak who is looking for anyway possible to score a quickie.
The second thing that got me about Hector setting up traps was the fact that he didn’t want to capture the animal but he wanted to swim with it. How can one swim with an animal if he is caged up? Don’t worry people Hector gets his wish to swim with the crocodile later on, looking deeply into his eyes and reading his soul. No seriously THAT is what he does. After going underwater and having a little splash with the gigantic reptile, Hector tells everyone the crocodile has feelings and he really a nice guy so they shouldn’t kill him. He might have gotten his wish to swim with the crocodile, but I didn’t get my wish to see him get shredded by it.
This is pretty much what this character does throughout the entire movie. If the director was intending to create a humorous character out of this for the ‘comedy’ part of this ‘comedy-horror’ movie he failed completely. All this character did was talk about crocodiles, talk about sex and hurl childish insults at the sheriff. He got very annoying and very old very quick and it pained me to see that he survived this terrible movie as it many annoying characters that appeared.
Tomorrow we’re going to take a lot at my favourite part of the reviews here at the Bucket, the many bad quotes that appeared in this movie. There’s a bunch of bad ones but trust me when I say there are some AWESOME one liners in this movie that are great. I shall see you all then.
If the professors at my university handed out alcohol and turned the lecture rooms into a huge rave party, I could tell you that university would have been awesome!
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