Lake Placid - Part 2
January 15th 2008 02:33
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Forget everything that Steve Irwin taught you about crocodiles. According to this movie, he was completely wrong about everything.
It amazes me how much the movie world can teach one about animals without that person having any knowledge on them before that watch a film. Once credits start rolling that person will know so much about an animal that there is no need to watch a boring documentary. Look at Anaconda for example. After watching that movie I realized that the giant snakes love to kill so much they’ll regurgitate what they just killed.
You’ll find many things in movies that you won’t find on the Discovery Channel. Once again Hollywood has not failed in teaching in informing me about information on Mother Nature and her creatures that the cruel, tyrannical dictators of documentaries suppress from the public. Time to go back to school Bucket Heads for a little bit of:
CROCODILE EDU-MAH-CATION!!!
Did you know that crocodiles actually can’t live in saltwater?
We all have been played like trumpets, trombones and triangles in a school band in believing that there are Saltwater Crocodiles. I almost flipped out when I heard this quoted from one of the characters. I can’t remember who it was but I am pretty sure that it was the professor who is meant to be a renowned expert on crocodiles and alligators. If crocodiles can’t swim in saltwater than what the HELL are they called Saltwater Crocodiles?
Here’s a fact for you idiot Hollywood writers, a saltwater crocodile spend their time in freshwater but when hot seasons hit they swim out to sea. There have been records of saltwater crocodiles swimming from the Australasian boarding regions out to the coast of Japan. Now if crocodiles couldn’t swim in salt water how come a few have gone off to the land of the Rising Sun? Do your research you moronic screenwriters it really annoys me when they screw up something so obvious.
Did you know worms grow from soil that crocodiles step in?
You can tell that you have a crocodiles from the worms that come out of the soil it seems. Don’t ask me to explain how the hell a crocodile manages to developed worms when he steps on dirt but this movie suggests that it can. This has to be just as bad as the komodos in Curse of the Komodo turning its victims into zombies with bad make up. I really know what else to say about this claim but it’s just simply… f***ing stupid. I can’t make it anymore blunt than that.
Did you know crocodiles are attracted to loud parties?
Well they’re apparently attracted to loud noises so we’re told from Professor Hector so he can lure the crocodile out of the lake and into one of the many traps he had set up around the perimeter. I dunno if this fact is true or not since I know most animals runs away or get into defensive mode when they hear loud noises. The fact is Hector justifies him having a huge pill-popping party in his tent fueled with alcohol and perhaps a little ‘midnight snack’ later on.
This was so stupid and gets me mad knowing that this idiot just made up the fact as an excuse to get drunk. It also gets me mad that I am getting mad over something so stupid. These traps are the same traps that the sheriff keeps getting randomly caught in resulting in HA-larious outcomes. By the way when I said Hector was going to have a ‘midnight snack’ after the party I mean he is going to go roast some marshmallows. If you are thinking what I think you are thinking, you’re one dirty individual.
Did you know crocodiles are worshipped more than Jesus Christ?
Yes you heard that right people according to that idiot professor crocodiles are worshipped more than Jesus Christ, Allah, Buddha and any other major God/Gods of any religion, EVER. I find this very hard to believe so I undertook a little research project. A few tribes in Southeast Asia worship crocodiles like Gods and in Ancient Egypt they were mildly worshipped. In fact cats were worshipped more than crocodiles and it was punishable by death if one were to harm a cat
Are crocodiles worshipped more than Jesus Christ? No. This idiot has no idea of what he is talking about just like the people who wrote this movie had no idea of what they were writing.
Did you know crocodiles don’t attack under water?
Another idiotic claim made by the same idiot. Are you starting to get a pattern here Bucket Heads? It seems like that this so called expert on crocodiles and alligators knows absolutely NOTHING about crocodiles. He is just busting out random pieces of information to make himself sound good. It’s funny since I’ve seen a bunch of documentaries involving crocodiles attacking animals under the water as well as bursting out of the water to catch prey flying above them or snapping up a poor animal having a drink.
Let me start by saying there are a few fantastic scenes in the movie that completely blow this fact out of the water. The first time we see the crocodile attack someone underneath the water is in the first damn five minutes of the film. Towards the end of the movie where the professor is underwater he is attacked not ONCE but TWICE underwater. What the hell? Didn’t he say crocodiles DON’T attack under water? You have to love a script that contradicts itself before and after the statement was made.
I am cool with horror movies being over exaggerated with some facts but when you start stretching out the truth about normal facts that is when I start getting really damn annoyed. I don’t know what the person who wrote this was smoking at the time but it must have been some very heavy stuff. How can you state in a movie that crocodiles:
1) Don’t swim in salt water.
2) Encourage worms to pop out from their soil.
3) Are worshipped more than Jesus Christ or any big religious figure and
4) Don’t attack while under the water.
I’m not sure about the noise thing it might, MIGHT, be a fact but after hearing the previous four points mentioned about crocodiles I don’t know what to believe. Yeah it’s a stupid Hollywood script and I shouldn’t be getting worked up over it but this is me, I get annoyed at anything stupid in a movie when I know it’s wrong. These guys could have at least made it slightly realistic but it seems they didn’t want to. What makes it worse is that they are trying to bend the facts about crocodiles so it makes this gigantic crocodile outstanding. It’s just a bigger crocodile that can do everything just like a normal crocodile can.
Stupid professor trying to tell me wrong facts. Damn him, in fact come back tomorrow where I will kick off the official bashing of one Professor Hector Cyr. If you think his misleading and innocent information about crocodiles is bad, just wait until you all get the full story.
As if crocodiles can’t attack under water. If that’s the case then David Attenborough has a lot of explaining to do.
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