KTB: Up Yours Holly Valance!
January 16th 2009 21:55
Don't worry Holly - you'll be forgotten in America just as fast as Australia forgot about singing career.
What perfect timing to start off my first post of my new section to The Bucket with my ranting called "Kicking The Bucket". If this thing takes off big I think I'm going to be making a new website on Orble dedicated to it. We'll see how it goes I might just leave it here since I'll probably just leave it here.
So basically I'll be making a post every week (at least when I try) or whenever I see something that pisses me off. This counts as something I saw on TV, read on the news, or if something happened to someone I now or if something happened to me. I'll be getting all kinds of pissed off at something or someone that has lead me to "Kick The Bucket" and who better to start off on than Aussie hottie Miss Holly Valance.
What has this hot, oh so hot, Aussie babe done to piss me off? Basically Valance based the show after she used it as a stepping stone to get into America's acting scene. You have to love people who say "These guys are like family to me" one day then turn around and say things like "This show is rubbish" the next.
You can read the full story HERE but I'm not pissed off about some of the statements she said. In the article she says that she thinks the show "rubbish" now and that if she went back to it, she would gain nothing. Ok fair enough on that statement. The show may have been good back in the day according to her, even though all soap operas suck, so I can understand why she might say that. Furthermore she would probably gain nothing from starring full time in an Aussie soap opera from now starring in all those popular US shows she was in... even if it was a brief cameo appearance...
That didn't pissed me off, the following pissed me off:
"America has lots of money … in Neighbours there was about 30 people sharing a trailer and the canteen was not great [but] in Hollywood you have your trailer and everything you need."
You greedy bitch.
Can you believe the nerve of her? I mean seriously, go back and read that again. It's a well known fact that Australian television networks aren't rich companies compared to the powerhouses of American television networks. American television networks pour millions of dollars into actors to star on their shows. As for Australia, well I don't know the exact amount but I doubt Howard Bishop would be getting a multimillion dollar contact.
Poor Holly complained about thirty people sharing a trailer and that the food from the canteen wasn't great. Boo f***ing hoo! You know for a lot of people that actually sounds like a high school but replace "trailer" with "classroom" and there you go. I should also thank you for exposing yourself as a materialistic bitch. I hope you're enjoying your personal massage therapist in your private trailer while you're listening to your failed music career blaring out of your uber surround sound system as you watch DOA: Dead Or Alive on your massive plasma flat screen HDTV. I'm sorry the folks at Channel Ten shouldn't give you a walkman to share with your thirty co-stars.
You know what else is really shitty? She said that she is glad she isn't remembered for her character of Flick from Neighbours. Yeah don't worry I never watched the show so I really don't care but it annoys me when someone bashes their roots like that. I always believe you should never turn back on your past because it is going to come back and bite you hard up the arse. Ok, sometimes that place will deserve it because of your history but not when you just used it as a stepping stone for your music career...
Yeah do you remember that Bucket Heads? It seems like Valance did! She basically tried to have the success that Kylie Minogue had. If you don't know who she is by the way, Kylie Minogue is a huge Australian singer who started off as an actor on this show then had massive success in the singing world. Funny enough other soap operas tried to produce their own "Kylie" but failed miserably. Obviously Holly Valance tried to do the same with her time on the show, and she failed just as bad.
Remember songs like "Kiss Kiss"? Oh that was bad. How it got popular I'll never know but basically after that single Valance was never heard from again. She gets on a plane to leave her horrible experience of Australian television behind her to "start from scratch" as she put it in America. I wouldn't call DOA: Dead or Alive a good start and if you don't know what I am talking about, click HERE for my review on the shit movie.
After her failed singing career, and her failed attempts at movies, it seems like Valance did return to the small screen. She's popped up in an episode of CSI: Miami, Entourage and a couple of episodes of Prison Break and that's about it. I'm sure if she keeps trying hard, she'll eventually make it, only for her looks because it's not like her acting or singing is going to carry her over. I think she'll make a lovely trophy wife for some rich playboy in Hollywood one day... and she'll probably do a crap job at that as well.
I wouldn't be surprised if she came back to Australia and tried to get her job back on Neighbours when she realised the only thing she is good for is popping up in front of cameras as the cute girl-next-door. Watch her suck up to Australians when she does and she'll be bashing American television networks.
"Oh it was horror they forced me into my own trailer with extraordinary luxuries but I didn't have any friends
. I was such a sad Holly I really wished I had twenty-nine people in with me to keep me company like back in Neighbours)." [Note: Get the image of Holly Valance being the star of a 30 man orgy out of your head you sick Bucket Heads though at the moment I wouldn't rule out a career in porn if I were her...]Don't worry Holly Valance the people of Australia aren't going to remember you as Flick anymore - you're going to be remembered as the spoiled brat who took a plane to America to start fresh after your singing career failed to take you anywhere.
And you know deep down inside of her, Kylie Minogue is laughing at Holly's failure. Don't worry Kylie, you're not alone.
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