Home Alone 3 - Part 2
May 4th 2008 23:26
Bad guys getting clobbled by a falling barbell? That's OLD SCHOOL!!!
The next day Alex takes the video recorder to his toy car and hotwires it to his TV so he can see what is going on. He drives the car to the house that Peter is in. Alex sees a cat – Doris the rat hides – and Alex chases it. Peter scares Alex when he sees the car and chases after it. Peter knocks a basket of washing on the ground that covers the car. Alex aims his remote gun at the TV in the house and switches it on. He then calls the house and puts the parrot on the phone, so Peter thinks there’s someone inside. Alex makes a break for it but Peter grabs the car outside and hands it to Alice.
As Peter heads back into the house to kill the “woman”, Alex drives the car over Alice’s face! The goons chase after it as Peter finds out it was a recording in the house and not a woman. Peter joins in the chase and dives at the car, but just crashes into Alice who dives at it as well! Unger accidentally slams into Jernigan with the van. Alex drives it up a ramp of snow and flies over the van and into the safely of his backyard. Now Alex has the evidence but wait a minute… there is no tape. So how the HELL was it recording all of that stuff if there was no tape!? Alex is confused as to why they are still chasing the car and opens it up finding the chip inside. He decides he isn’t going to talk to his mum about it.
Peter and his gang are taking care of their wounds while eating Chinese – you know for a high tech terrorist group they really suck. Peter gets a call for the North Korean terrorist saying he wants the chip within 24 hours or he’ll kill them all. Alex’s mother gets a phonecall and its Alice pretending to be someone’s mother. Alex figures it out, hangs up and says it the bad guys. Alex’s mother calls back to the Russian redirect the call to them, and Alice pretends to be her again. Alex is upset because no one will listen to him. He is going to beat the bad guys in his own home! He starts rigging up the house with traps and stuff as the bad guys get ready.
The next morning Alice walks past the house and Alex runs around the house blowing a dog whistle. The dog’s leash is tied around her legs and it takes off dragging her through front yards! The dog runs off and Alice splits her pants! Oh this is funny humor! The FBI finds out the chip’s location when Alex called them the other day. Alex finishes rigging the house as his mother heads off to work as the bad guys close in. Alex’s mother asks Mrs. Hess to check up on her son and she doesn’t want to. She finally doesn’t but Peter and Alice act like a couple and trick her back into her house.
"Duh... I thought I sawed that kid run into da closet!
Unger and Jernigan move in and laugh at a fake electric fence. Unger moves around the back, sits down on a chair that’s wired and gets electrocuted! Jernigan touches the wire and gets fired as well! All the shotgun bullets on Unger’s belt go off and launch him into the wall as Jernigan’s hair fizzes up like the criminal from the second movie! Jernigan jumps over the wire, and slips on the welcome mat because it has marbles under it. Peter comes over and finds a wire attached to the door. It’s hooked on a dumbbell and Peter cuts it. It sets off a trap in the attic and a drawer crashes down on the two! Meanwhile Alice ties and gags Mrs. Hess and leaves the door to her garage open so she can get a cold.
Unger is back up and there is a fishing hook on a tree. It hooks to him and he looks around the place. It pulls the hose and it sprays him between the legs! Alex cuts the back up on the dumbbells and it crashes on Peter and Jernigan! Alice is annoyed at the guys and Peter tells them both to split up, while Unger is still getting attacked by the killer hose. Alice goes to the back gate and sticks her hand in super glue. Peter looks through the letter hole and gets spray painted. Alex calls him a loser so Peter starts cutting through the door. Alice falls into a deep pool of mud and gets a gnome to the back of the head. Unger steps through the back window of the attic and sees a pair of legs. It’s a dummy and a lawnmower falls on top of him. Unger gets a nasty haircut, and Alice gets another gnome on the head.
Jernigan heads to the kitchen window, and it drops on his head. Peter cuts through the front door and a trap springs out from the closet, nailing him between the legs! Alice gets up and Jernigan makes it into the house. He steps in two mini wagons of super glue. Unger falls through a narrow hole in the ground and crashes through a toilet. Jernigan is struggling to move as Alice tries to jump over the steps, but the railings that support her crashes under her. Peter steps on a whoopee cushion under a mat while Alice uses some cartwheels and flips to land on the patio – only to fall through the floor and crash into the basement. Peter steps outside, falls through the floor as Jernigan trips down the basement stairs. They regroup as Peter accidentally picks up the wrong gun that Alex made.
Alex heads into a closet as the group moves upstairs. Alex hides inside a bag on the door as Jernigan checks it out. They look around the house as the FBI heads to Alex’s school. The FBI chief won’t tell them what going on but the sister forces him to. They tell them about the chip and everyone races over to the house. Jernigan hears someone in the bathroom singing. Doris the rat crawls up the pants of Unger and Jernigan finds out it was the parrot singing. Alice sees the rat – sticking out of a hole in Unger’s pants, and nails him between the legs with a crowbar. Ponytail and Alice run at Alex but crash into each other. Alex heads down into the basement uses a mini elevator, sets up another trap and throws out the real gun Peter switched. He switches on a toy robot that heads towards the elevator and runs outside.
A ruthless terrorist can't shake down a kid for a computer chip - this is why these type of movies are hated today.
The bad guys go to the attic and he taunts them – just like Kevin done from the first movie. Unger and Jernigan jump out of the window – thinking they’ll land safely on the kiddy trampoline – but rip through it and crash through the icy swimming pool. The robot hits the elevator and Alice heads to it. It falls and crashes down below. Alex heads to Mrs. Hess and saves her. Peter comes out from the corner and threatens the kid. He rips apart the toy car and can’t find it. He demands the chip and pulls out the gun. The kid says it isn’t his gun and he pulls out the real gun on him. Peter runs off scared but it’s the gun that makes bubbles! Oh what a stupid Terrorist! Alex brings the old lady inside and she finally stops being a bitch to him.
The FBI reaches the house and tells the two guys in the pool to FREEZE when they’ve been FROZEN! How cleverly witty! Alex reunites with his mum and his brother and sister think what he done was cool. He hands the chip over to the FBI. Unger and Jernigan walk out all white and frosty while the FBI carries out Alice who is all mangled up as if she were doing yoga. The parrot finds Peter inside a mini igloo in the back and the place is rigged with fireworks. The bird lights the match and Peter offers him a cracker. The bird wants two - Peter says he only has one – so he lights up the fireworks and blows the place up!
The dad comes home and finds everyone working on the house. Everyone is having coffee in the kitchen Alex is getting a six digit reward and his dad gives him a toy car he bought. The bird comes in driving the car with the rat on it and everyone laughs! Peter and his crew aren’t laughing; they are all in prison with the chickenpox!
After all that time they get the chickenpox! Oh how the world can be SO cruel at times. They wouldn’t have gotten the chickenpox if they just killed the kid straight away! This movie was so childish it took away the darker atmosphere of the first two movies. This movie tried to be everything that the original movies were but just failed badly. Maybe that was the problem – after two Home Alone movies everyone pretty much got over a smart ass kid who outsmarted a bunch of bad guys. Hell Home Alone 1 & 2 may have been a bit unrealistic but at least it was in a way – this one was just completely overdone and was more like a cartoon.
I’ll hold myself from going any further – the Final Thoughts will be posted on Friday and I’ll take out all of my frustrations then. Until then Bucket Heads care take of yourselves and have a good week! And remember: if a six year old can defend his house from terrorists you can too!
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Comment by Ann 2
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Comment by Wayne F
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As bad as the movie was, sadly I have to agree that the parrot was more enjoyable than the other actors. Every character in the movie was just a clone of other characters from the other two movies.
Thanks for the comment.