Home Alone 3 - Part 1
May 4th 2008 23:26
"Better than the first two"? Someone needs to find that guy (or lady) who wrote that and punch them right in the face!
Eighteen years ago a movie was released around the world that was loved by people of all ages – general speaking of course. The movie would make one Macaulay Culkin a huge childhood movie star. That movie was of course Home Alone and it is one of my favourite childhood movies. Even adults loved the little smart-ass kid who completely screwed two stupid criminals from breaking into his house – as well as gasped in shock at his irresponsible parents for leaving their son behind.
Several years later based off the huge success of the first movie, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York was released. It had the same feel as the first movie – and a complete different setting – but it wasn’t good as the first. It was still a good movie and everyone enjoyed it but there was just something missing from the first movie. After that, Macaulay Culkin slowly faded away from the spotlight never to be heard of again, until he gets thrown into rehab or something which is what all the cool kids in Hollywood are doing nowadays.
With the announcement of Home Alone 3 everyone thought that Macaulay Culkin would have to be in it but then we all thought: “How can you make a movie about some teenager being home alone? Will he have a drunken orgy of pre-teens at his place? That doesn’t sound like a good family movie.” Well they picked another young – and annoying – child actor, slapped together a bunch of criminals for him to deal with and well… completely made a different movie all together without any references to the two what-so-ever. We all hated it and it was more childish than the first two movies. It bombed and so here it now is Bucket Heads. Allow me to introduce to you all Home Alone 3.
Meet Alex - the movie's little smart ass kid who has the odds stacked against him. (NOTE: I'm sorry I coudln't find any normal coloured photos - the movie is so bloody and violent they switched it to black and white midway through).
The same music and logo from the first two movies show up as the movie begins. You should note that this is the ONLY reference to Home Alone 1 & 2. We’re in Hong Kong and a Russian terrorist by the name of Peter is talking to a North Korean terrorist leader about a missile chip that’s worth over $10 Million. We go to California and some people arrive at a dock. Peter steps out with his crew (Alice, Jernigan and Unger) and get the chip from their guy that works in the military. The chip is said to make missiles untraceable from radars. Peter and his men drive off and Alice hides the chip inside a toy car. So far, I ‘m not sure if this movie should be suitable for children giving them ideas about building a missile that is untraceable – especially in today’s world.
At the airport the crew walks through the terminal looking very evil and dangerous in their trench coats and suits. They walk through the security check point and scan their bags. An old lady by the name of Mrs. Hess takes a bag and Alice takes the other. The terrorists walk past security and Alice realizes they have the wrong bag! They search all over the place looking through different people’s bags that look at the same but it turns out Mrs. Hess took the bag with the chip in it. They find out Mrs. Hess is headed on a plane to Chicago and Jernigan is pissed off because he packed tropical and not for the winter.
Peter and his gang land in Chicago and give chase to Mrs. Hess. She hops on a cart and speeds off to a taxi. Jernigan uses a camera built into his gloves to take photos of the cab. They track down the taxi in the middle of the night and they get the details of where Mrs. Hess lives. She lives in an old house on a street and her driveway hasn’t been shoveled for snow.
At the street we meet Alex – our little annoying child actor – shoveling the snow from Mrs. Hess driveway. Alex acts just as Kevin McAllister did in the first movie but can’t do it as well as Macaulay can. The ungrateful old hag thinks he did a crap job but gives him the toy car she accidentally took. The terrorists arrive at the street and get annoyed since every house looks the same as the others. They decide to check out every single house until they find the chip. Alex is with his pet rat Doris and plays around with a bunch of stupid high tech stuff telling us he is a smart kid. He gets undressed and notices he has dots on his neck and head. He checks his stomach and he has dots there as well. His mum is on the phone with her job as is he’s dad.
Alex decides that if no one is going to help him, he is going to completely ruin the house with his stupid trap ideas.
Alex is going up the stairs scratching his body. We see his sister, who is cheating on her test by writing the answers on the bottom of her shoe, and his brother, who is one of those spoiled punk white kids who has a parrot. Alex checks out all of the dots on his body and they are on his butt too! His sister thinks he slammed his toilet seat on his penis… I’m serious. Even his dad tells his job he has to go because he thinks his son slammed his pee-pee again. Wouldn’t that mean that he umm… you know… would have a gigantic ding-a-ling? Let’s move on because I get busted for being a pedo ok? He has the chickenpox and his sister wants to know if he has them on his butt. At this point I am starting to think that the sister is sexually attracted to her brother.
In the morning everyone is leaving the house and they are playing one of the songs that had been used in the first movie. I can’t remember which one it was but I know it was in it. Alex is ringing his bell while his Mum is on the phone with the office. She comes upstairs and he sends his toy car at her with an empty glass. Meanwhile Alice has bought a nearby house pretending she is some woman with a family. Alex is looking around the neighborhood with his telescope and looks into Mrs. Hess’s house. He pulls out a sniper rifle that has a remote control attached to it and begins changing the channels on her – while the bad guys are scanning the area and prepare to start breaking into the houses.
Alex’s Mum tells him she has to go to work quickly and he begins asking a bunch of random questions just like Kevin did in the first movie. She heads off as Peter breaks into the first house. Alex looks around the street and spots Alice walking a dog that was stolen and Jernigan jogging down the street as well. He sees Peter inside the house and calls 911. Peter and his crew quickly disappear as the cops head into the house. Alex’s Mum comes home and he tells her everything that’s been going on. They kick the door down and tell the dog that’s inside to freeze. The dog lifts up his paw and we get to watch this for about two minutes because IT IS SO FUNNY!!! The mother apologises to the cops and then blasts Alex because they have to pay for the door the cops kicked down. At the FBI headquarters agents talk about Peter, his crew and the chip they stole – while Peter and his men are confused as to how the cops got alerted.
The next day Alex is talking to his dad who is about to go to work without any pants on! THAT’S SO FUNNY!!! The Russians are checking out the street – this time Alice is pushing around a baby carriage and Jernigan is dressed up like a hobo. Alex sees Peter inside another house and calls the cops again. His parents get a message on their beepers. The Russians get out of the area as the cops come by. Alex watches on as Peter is trapped inside the house. He hides up in the beams of the basement’s ceiling as the cops leave the house. The chief of police tells off Alex and his his brother and sister make fun – just like the brothers and sisters of Kevin make fun of him in Home Alone 1. Alex decides he is going to take the law into his own hands.
| 61 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Good selection for the mincer Wayne.
Unfunniest comedy every.
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Movies
I have seen more unfunnier comedies than this. I would say it is up there as being a really bad comedy / family movie but it is NOT the unfunniest. Trust me - I have seen worse comedies than this and they'll have their time in the mincer over the next month or so.
Cheers dude!