Bucket Movies Presents: Half Past Dead
May 18th 2009 00:17
Is the title of this movie just as bad as the movie itself? Well yeah otherwise it wouldn't be on this website...
There’s a belief here at the Bucket that goes:
“He (or she) who sings must remain a singer for he (or she) cannot act. Should he (or she) who sings decide to act, it shall maketh one terrible movie.”
We’ve seen it plenty of times here with movies such as Anaconda. Oh God, the nightmares are starting to come back. Well I understand how the role of singers work – they sing and they don’t act. It’s like actors – they act but they can’t sing. Well I’ve got a treat for you today Bucket Heads. I decided to check out a movie a few people suggested to me a while ago called Half Past Dead.
Now I didn’t know anything about this movie besides it having Steven Seagal. I had a feeling judging from this alone it was going to be a bad movie. That was before I found out that rapper Ja Rule was in the movie as well. Why does Hollywood cast rappers in their movies when they have no acting experience? Do they think if they sing they can act? What a load of shit that is. Regardless the movie was bad and there’s only one way to find out why. Here we go Bucket Heads!
One's a rapper who can't act. The other is a martial arts expert who can't act. It's the ultimate buddy movie combo!
We start off with Sasha loading up his gun while a group of men arrive at his place, while a Ja Rule song plays in the back ground. What are the odds of a Ja Rule song playing in a movie starring Ja Rule? Nick is Sasha’s friend and he is introducing him to mafia boss Sonny. They put Sasha on a polygraph to see if he can be trusted. Sonny asks him a bunch of questions and Sasha answers them cleanly. Sonny wants to know if he works for anyone, and Sasha runs off a huge list (e.g CIA) but refuses to tell him if he works for the FBI, so Sonny pulls a knife on him for screwing around. Sonny tells Sasha is a soldier who is trained… to kill! That’s the general idea of a solider Sonny. Sasha says he doesn’t work for the FBI and passes the test.
Sonny and his men walk off and Nick’s happy Sasha is going to work with them. Nick wants to know if Sasha is going to that off his wedding ring and Sasha says he never will. He says he’ll never let go of his dead wife and Nick respects that. The two drive around while a Ja Rule song #2 plays as the credits roll. Sasha avoids trucks and trains while Nick shits himself. Nick talks to Sasha about Sonny acting rough and he apologises. Sasha wants to be paid half now and half later. Nick doesn’t like being called Nicholas. He teaches him to speak like a “gangstah”, like pronouncing “alright” as “Aaaiiitte!”
Sasha starts doing donuts at Nick’s garage and slams the car breaks, causing Nick to fly out of the car and bounce off a windscreen. Nick jokes about killing Sasha and the two are cool. Well, that’s a pretty tight friendship right there. Nick bosses his men around telling them he wants all the cars loaded up onto the boat. Sasha tells Nick he wants his money and he gets it as an unexpected jeep arrives. Agent Williams from the FBI comes out and tons of agents appear. Nick brings his guns out and won’t talk without his lawyers. Williams says the FBI just wants to bring down Sonny and will offer him help. She thinks Nick won’t handle being someone’s bitch in prison. She gives him five seconds to give up or lots of people are going to die. Nick says Sonny has a rule and he says it’s a nice night to die. Williams counts to 5 and everyone begins shooting all over the place. Williams hits the fuel next to Nick and Sasha and it blows up. Sasha runs at Nick and tackles him down as he and Williams shoot at each other.
An ambulance comes and they’re trying to bring Sasha back to life. Williams is worrying about it, which has just given away the fact Sasha is working for the FBI. Seriously who’s going to worry about some random criminal? Sasha’s dead on the ground and has flashbacks of him and his wife. They stab him with adrenaline and he comes back to life. Eight months pass and Sasha has been sent off to New Alcatraz – it’s like the old place but brand new. He sees Nick, who apologises to Sasha for what happened. So let me get this straight, he is apologizing to Sasha for Sasha getting the two of them arrested by tackling Nick? Makes sense. Nick is doing 5 years and Sasha is doing 2 years. Nick wants to know if he is going to kill him over the next 5 years, but the fact Sasha hasn’t kicked his ass yet is a good sign he won’t isn’t it?
The metal detector goes off as Sasha passes through it. An asshole guard gives Sasha trouble and Sasha gives him shit. He gets tazered but beats the crap out of the guard. Nick tackles the guy down and they fight. Nick has kung fu moves but it’s not match for the guard’s apparent superhuman strength. The fight is broken up by the Mexican warden El Fuego. That sounds like the name of a Colombian drug lord, or that Mexican wrestler from Street Fighter 4. He asks Sasha why the metal detector went off and he says he has a titanium knee. El Fuego checks it and confirms it to his guards. He tells everyone to remain calm.
There’s a press conference asking about the new prison. It’s equipped with a new state-of-the-art death chamber. The Governor can’t answer the questions reporters are giving him so he passes it off to his assistant Johnson. Johnson tells them it’s a bad place for bad people. The Governor couldn’t say that? How the hell did he get elected in the first place? The prisoners go into their ward that has colourful graffiti on the walls. All the prisoners are using electronic tools and stuff to fix things? Why would anyone give a prisoner a power saw? El Fuego explains everyone can relax here and do what they please. He says he has been working for prisons for over fifteen years and he thinks he is top shit. A fat black guy called Little Joe is playing a PS2. PS2, power drills, this is seems like a pretty fun prison.
El Fuego talks about this day being the first day of the rest of their lives – which is funny since Sasha and Nick are only doing a few years. El Fuego says if the bay doesn’t kill you, they’ll capture them and put them back for five more years. He says he is a fair man and he’ll listen to them. They call for a dead man walking that is going to die in the new death chamber. On the news Supreme Judge Jane McPherson arrives for the execution of the criminal she sentenced to die. It’s an old guy called Lester who stole over $200 million in gold bricks years ago.
Hmmm... I won't who the bitch is.
There’s five hours before the execution as El Fuego escorts the Judge and the Governor to the witness box of the execution room. He wants their bodyguards to turn over their weapons and he gets bitchy when they don’t. The Judge tells them to calm down and hand them over. It becomes dark and while a storm is brewing - which means something bad is about to happen – and bunch of people jump out of a plane flying over the prison. The people land on the roofs as the third Ja Rule song begins playing. Nick is given a love book by Little Joe to read while Sasha is told El Fuego wants to see him. Meanwhile, the terrorists start killing all the guards. They are called the 49ers and Number Six is a hot chick with blue eye shadow. She reports in to their leader Number One, who is the governor’s assistant Johnson! Jesus, talk about an early twist.
The 49ers blows open a door and they talk about breaking into the prison. Johnson gives his man 90 seconds to go in and disable the alarms. The guards take Sasha to the execution chamber – that has been custom built to offer five ways of dying. That’s pretty impressive. Watching on from the witness box, McPherson asks why Sasha is there, and El Fuego says Lester wanted to talk to him for his last request. Odd last request I reckon. The terrorist cracks the alarms and they pull him up. Johnson likes the rain while Number Six spins around and dances in it. They’re really easy to please it seems.
The execution chamber looks awesome in black marble tiling and stuff. Lester is drinking tea and tells Sasha he was “half past dead” but ended up living. I see why they named the movie that! I’m glad they clarified that! The scenery behind Lester changes from a city to a desert like he requested. The 49ers are on the roof and a well placed lightning bolt destroys the communications in the prison. Warden El Fuego is informed about the situation with the lightning, and not about the terrorists. Number Six drops into the cells through the roof and shoots up the guards while the others move in and set themselves up. Johnson opens the doors to the prison cells. Nick wants to bang Number Six.
El Fuego brings Lester his suit to wear for his death. Lester tells Sasha he was sick of fighting against the system. He asked Sasha about what’s on the other side and Sasha doesn’t want to tell him. A buzz rings out and the electric chair comes out from the ground. Number Six sees Number Seven injured on the ground so she kills him. Lester talks about how he didn’t mean to kill the agents guarding the gold and how the FBI has been hounding him about the whereabouts of the gold. Johnson contacts someone in the helicopter. El Fuego tells Lester someone is here to see him and it’s McPherson. She won’t admit she feels guilty for ordering his death. Sasha is escorted out by a guard.
There’s only three minutes until the execution. The 49ers walk down the corridor Sasha and the guard’s walking through and shoot at them. Sasha pretends to be hit. How the hell did he NOT get hit by all those machine guns!? More people join the witness box to watch the execution, including a Sarah Palin clone! Lester gets locked into the chair and El Fuego asks for his last words. Lester thanks him for the suit and just as the 49ers walk in. They go into the witness box while the prisoners watch some white kid climb the wire up to the roof where Number Six dropped in from, but he falls to his death.
Twitch tells Little Joe to go up the rope and everyone starts laughing. They tell Nick to do it and he says no. Nick tells Twitch to do it and calls him a BIATCH! Sasha is trying to revive the security guard and uses his tazer on him… and it works. The 49er’s helicopter can’t find the lighthouse because of the storm and smashes into the tower. He crashes through the cell’s roof where Nick and the others are at. Johnson tells the Number Six they just lost the ride. The prisoners come out to check it as Sasha drags off the guard. The 49ers walk back down the corridor and realize the two survived. They go after Sasha and one wedges the gun into the door, but Sasha kicks it out of his hand and shoots at them. Johnson talks to Lester about where the gold is, but Lester refuses to tell. Lester believes in God and Johnson kills the priest. He tells Lester everyone will die unless he tells him the location of the gold! Arrrgghh matey!
Another helicopter is flying around and it’s the FBI. Williams is informed about what’s going on and she is worried about a nameless prisoner (Sasha). Sasha is closing off the wounds of the injured guard the infirmary. A 49er goes in and sees the guard lying on the table. Another 49er enters. One starts shooting up a door thinking Sasha is it there. He is and punches the glass in the door in his face. He tosses the guy at the other terrorist. Another one comes out shooting. The other prisoners are playing basketball as Number Six walks in. They wanna screw her. She looks at the helicopter while a 49er is looking for Sasha. He kicks the doors in his face and leaps through a window behind a desk. He does his kung fu stuff to them and they die.
Number Six is still looking at the helicopter and tells Johnson it’s time for Plan B. Nick still wants to screw her. Johnson gets ready for the FBI as Agent Williams is watching at the island from the mainland and she is worried. She gets called into the FBI mobile base and talks to Johnson. The two talk shit to one another and Johnson reveals that he is going to fry the judge in the chair. Number Six is running around when suddenly Sasha appears with guns. They aim at one another as Nick comes out running off his mouth. Number Six kicks the gun out of his hand and jump at the cable, grabbing onto it and sliding down to the bottom while shooting at the two. She hits the floor and Nick aims at her.
Ah Number 6 - winner of Miss World Terrorist 2009. If Terrorists looked more like you I'd make sure I was taken hostage more often.
The other prisoners come out and Joe steps out. Twitch does too and they say they all have his back. They hit the ground when Number Six and Nick start shooting. Nick talks shit to her and she shoots a button into a trap door. Nick jumps down it and they go into a locker area. Number Six is whistling for Nick to come out. He is on top of a pipe above her and jumps down. He has his gun to the back of her head and he talks shit to her. Number Six wants a fistfight with him and he agrees. She puts it down and flip kicks the gun out of Nick’s hand. She kicks his ass until Sasha comes out shooting at her. She runs off.
Johnson is talking to Williams and he says they want a helicopter and a jet. She says she needs time and he tells her to do her it or McPherson dies. Williams wants to know who Johnson is. Sasha looks at the helicopter wreck and gives Nick stuff. Sasha climbs up the wire to the roof and enters the helicopter. Joe wants to know if Number Six is dead because he wants to bang her. I’m sure he met bang her alive not dead, though I’m pretty sure male prisoners wouldn’t prefer any woman at this point in their lives. Number Six tells Johnon about Sasha. They ask El Fuego who he is, so he starts speaking Mexican to them. Sasha contacts Williams about the situation.
The Governer comes out and he is shocked to see it’s Johnson! I can’t believe he would be in shock now considering he has been watching the whole thing from the f***ing witness box all this time! The bodyguards grab some of the terrorists and hold them hostage. They make them drop their weapons and demand that McPherson is freed. Johnson shoots his own men and they go down, but it’s a trick and they kill the bodyguards. Johnson tells the Governor he wants the gold because he is a greedy pig. Williams says Johnson was a Gulf War soldier who is crazy and that the FBI has called for the Special Ops to come in. Sasha says he is all they have so he is going to help them out. The prisoners are talking to Twitch who has a bazooka and Sasha lands. He teaches him how to shot the bazooka and he fires it off, and goes flying backwards. Comedy gold!
The prisoners go to the armory and Sasha tells them to get armed. Sasha says he called for back up while Joe jacks off over a huge machine gun. McPherson wants to know why Johnson is doing this and she tries to shrink him. He wants to know if his father beat him or if his mother raped him? I think that’s meant to be the other way around. Johnson guesses that the judge is 53 years old, single and is a hippy feminist who has no one going on in her life. He says she has nothing left to live for and she starts crying.
There’s a bang from the ceiling and a corpse of a terrorist drops. There’s a “bye bye” sign attached to its chest and tear gas goes off. Sasha appears giving out oxygen masks to McPherson and Lester. They go down the electric chair elevator and Johnson is pissed off. Nick is told by Sasha to get Lester out of here. They try to free the judge by the 49ers bring the chair back up. Johnson and some of his boys chase Sasha out to a workshop area. Williams is talks to Number Six and she demands them to send a helicopter. Williams agrees to her demands.
Johnson searches for Sasha. A door closes one of the 49ers shoots at it. He checks inside to see a lit cigarette fall into an oil barrel. It blows up and kills the guy. Sasha jumps the other 49er walking around and uses his kung fu to throw him over the railing. Sasha looks around for John while the FBI land a chopper. Johnson sees Sasha, grabs a chain and swings on it. He shoots at Sasha but misses. Sasha gets hold of another chain and swings at Johnson, and the two exchange kung fu moves in midair. They keep spinning around and swinging so much I can’t keep up with them.
The two drop to the ground and Sasha aims his gun at him. Johnson says he’s empty because he would have killed him by now, and Sasha says he is right. Sasha suggests he might have a bullet in the tube but Johnson thinks he is lying again. Johnson goes for his gun and Sasha shoots but it’s a blank. Johnson wants to know where Lester is, but Sasha won’t tell him. Nick comes out and shoots the 49er Sasha threw to the ground before as he reaches for his gun to shoot Sasha. Johnson retreats.
Sasha walks with Nick and Lester down dark hallways and stuff and Nicks wants to know what he is hiding. Sasha says there’s nothing to hide but Nick thinks it’s bullshit. Sasha says he is undercover with the FBI. Nick asks about the lie detector test but Sasha says anyone can lie. Nick’s all upset saying he believed in him. Nick wants to kill Sasha and Lester calms him down. Sasha apologises to him and Nick thought they were friends. Sasha says they are but Nick’s still upset. Johnson enters the chamber and Number Six says the chopper arrived. Sasha communicates to them via TV about making a swap – Lester for Judge McPherson. They agree to meet at the cell. Sasha loads up the men with guns and stuff and Joe grabs the huge machine gun. Sasha walks up to Lester and asks him if he wants to do this. Lester says yeah, and reveals to him the place of the gold.
Th 49ers - blowing things up, killing people and doing it in style since 1998!
Sasha contacts Williams about the situation and tells him not to worry. Nick is climbing up to the helicopter and asks if he room for two. The 49ers are walking around the place as Nick joins Sasha. Sasha says they wanted Nick to tell them information about Sonny. Sasha says Sonny’s guy shot dead his wife years ago and says she was the best part of him. The 49ers are walking around again, this time in blurry slow motion. Sasha makes Nick man the guns on the helicopter.
The 49ers arrive with the Judge and El Fuego. All the prisoners have guns aimed at them. The floor opens up and Lester arrives with Joe. Sasha tells them to give McPherson over and they’ll give Lester. McPherson walks up to them and Lester walks over to the 49ers – both of them in slow motion. Lester goes to Johnson and McPherson is taken away by the prisoners to a safe call. Sasha tells Williams they got her and the FBI moves in. El Fuego tells the prisoners to drop the guns or they’ll be killed or caught. Sasha tells them to do it because they kept their word. Twitch says no and a shootout happens. Sasha is calling for a truce, but no one is listening and they all keep shooting.
Joe comes out shooting the place up but gets killed by Number Six. Twitch is pissed off about his death as Number Six locks her sights on El Fuego. The terrorists have a bazooka and they shoot at the helicopter, but Nick destroys them with the helicopter’s guns. There’s still a lot of shooting and only one person has died. The 49ers shoot down the helicopter and it crashes to the ground. Sasha jumps out but Nick doesn’t.
Johnson and Number Six aim at Sasha. Williams and FBI come in so the two take off, but El Fuego trips Number Six. He beats her up as she tries to fight back. He aims a gun at her but Williams tells him not to shoot her. El Fuego doesn’t but Williams ends up killing Number Six as she’s about to stab the warden. Twitch is ordered to put his gun down by the FBI as Sasha tells Williams to get the judge from the cell they put her in. Sasha goes to Nick and he is dying in the helicopter. Sasha tells him to hang in there. I don’t know if that was an intended joke or not but I didn’t laugh. Williams comes back with the judge, but it wasn’t her! It was a hostage that was made to look like her!
Johnson’s helicopter is being following by Sasha and they start talking shit to them. He threatens to drop McPherson from the helicopter. He pushes the judge off the helicopter and Sasha jumps after her. Da Rule music plays once more. Lester opens his shirt up and he has bombs strapped to him. He pulls the trigger and blows up the helicopter. Sasha dives after the Judge and catches her in midair. He has a parachute and pulls it. They land safely in the ocean. What a load of shit.
Sasha goes to the lake Lester told him to go to and they removed the chest full of gold. Back in New Alcatraz there’s a special housing unit that an injured Nick is being held in. El Fuego tells him that he has a visitor and it’s Sasha. Sasha thanks Nick for all the help and tells him that they arrested Sonny. They also found the gold and Nick asks if he got him any, but Sasha said he get Judge McPherson to cut Nick’s sentence short. Nick asks how long does he have left and Sasha asks him how long it will take him to get dressed. Nick’s happy and Sasha asks if they’re alright now. Nick says no they’re not alright… they’re AAAIIITTTEE!!! Another Ja Rule song plays and the movie ends.
The prisoners of New Alcatraz would like to give you a warm welcome. You'll enjoy the next twenty-five years of your life without being stabbed while you get food or being raped in the shower. New Alcatraz - a happy home for the homicidal.
Final Thoughts.
The movie starts off naturally with a Ja Rule song being played as Sonny arrives to meet Sasha. Fair enough, I figured that at least Ja Rule song would be played since he is acting in this movie. Right after that though, a second song plays as the credit roll while Sasha and Nick speed around roads in the middle of the night. Ok, that’s two songs by Ja Rule right off the bat. Surely they’re done right? Well not because another six songs play throughout the movie. I know the singer is in the movie, but is it really necessary to play an entire album!? Talk about your cheap plugs.
Nick’s black and Sasha’s white which can only mean they have plans for some “funny” moments where Nick tries to teach Sasha how to act ghetto. We have to put up with Seagal trying to say AIITTEE while Ja Rule is constantly saying AIITTEE to correct him. Maybe it would have been funnier if Seagal tried acting? Maybe he thinks he doesn’t need to put any emotion into his scenes because people think he is a good martial artist. Maybe he was just born without any emotions period.
Well New Alcatraz has to be the nicest prison in the world. Sasha and Nick start up a fight and the warden El Fuego tells everyone to be chill. He tells them all to calm down and that’s it. He doesn’t send anything to the “hole” or off to solitary confinement he just tells everyone to stop being bad. If this was Oz those two would have been screwed. El Fuego all the prisoners they can do whatever they want in New Alcatraz, and from the looks of it the prisoners can do whatever they want anyway. They smoke, do construction work around the prison, play Playstation 2 all day and basketball indoors. Even during lockdown everyone can still do whatever they want! Again if this was Oz they’d be a lot more stabbings and rape happening.
A terrorist group arrives called the 49ers and it sounds like they could be a team from the NBA. These guys are bad asses and they bring fashion into the terrorist world. Seriously these guys are all dressed in some kick ass attire, especially that hot terrorist chick Number Six. Something that I thought was stupid was when Johnson, 49er Number One and the leader of the group, states he loves the rain and closes his eyes to embrace it. I like the rain and I sometimes stand outside when it rains, but I don’t “absorb it” nor to I sway my hips and spin around in it like Number Six does. She must be a real easy woman to please seriously. Speaking which, her blue eye shadow remains PERFECT throughout the entire movie. It never gets smudged or fade or anything. I assume she just tattooed it on since that would be the only logical explanation for it.
The 49ers attack the prison and almost kill Sasha in the process. This scene was really dumb. They fire at him and at the guard escorting Sasha back to the cells. Sasha manages not to get hit at all, but the guard gets riddled by bullets. How Sasha avoids this I don’t know so let’s just use the argument that he is Steven Seagal and he is immune to bullets by default. Sasha revives the fallen guard by using his tazer like a defibrillator. Note: if you’re in a police station and someone is dying on you, just ask a friendly officer for their tazer.
Not only is New Alcatraz the nicest place in the world, but it contains the nicest prisoners as well. After the invasion from 49ers the prisoners have been freed from their cells and they naturally do what any other freed prisoners would do: play basketball. Yes instead of rioting and going crazy or attempting to break out of the prison, everyone is just relaxing and playing a good friendly game of basketball. Why don’t they just roast marshmallows and sing camp songs like a bunch of hippies.
The action starts kicking in but… it sucks. Seagal throws his kicks and punches without getting injured as usual but as for everyone else, it’s like they used a stunt double. There’s no problem with that since they did it a lot back in the day when actors were too pussy to do their own stunts or learn how to fight. This was really bad because in most scenes it was like a kung fu expert stood behind the actor and punched for them. It looked really fake and totally unnatural to see someone throwing punches without even moving an eyebrow on their face. I’ve seen people pull faces when they put force into kicks and punches, but these guys must have been an intense botox treatment before filming began.
Sasha tells the FBI he’ll handle the situation in the prison and employs the services of New Alcatraz’s finest prisoners to help him. At first I was worried that giving guns to prisoners would be a bad idea, but then I remembered these are the world’s most pussy prisoners ever. We start having more fight scenes and one in particularly that’s very frustrating to watch is the one involving Sasha and Johnson are swinging at one another on chains. The director decided to allow the audience to experience what the actors were experiencing by having the camera spin around constantly. When it wasting spinning around, the editing of one shot per millisecond made the fight look even more confusion. When I see action on the screen I’d like to see it clearly through a few angles, not from a hundred views or to pretend I’m actually the one there doing the swinging and fighting (like Doom… remember that?)
Everything gets drawn out up to the big “battle” between the prisoners and the 49ers, which involves over five minutes of constant shooting and one death. It’s a pretty stupid scene seeing so many people standing out in front of one another spraying bullets all over the place and no one getting hit… but the fat guy… am I missing something here? When the dust is settled the FBI go to get Judge McPherson, who was given to Sasha in exchange for Lester, only to find that it’s a fake! Do you know how sick and tired I am of seeing this shit in movies? It happened in Rush Hour 3 as well! Why the HELL doesn’t anyone notice it isn’t the same person!? They have enough time to look at them when they haul them off to a safe spot!
The worst scene comes towards the end of the movie when Sasha chases Johnson on a helicopter. Johnson pushes McPherson out of the helicopter and Sasha jumps after her. He manages to catch her in midair and pulls his parachute to safety. What a load of crap. He had enough of a fall from a helicopter’s distance to pull that bullshit off. Lester blows himself up in the plane and looks like some creepy old dude looking at some little boys playing in a kiddy pool as he does it. Thankfully the movie ends shortly afterwards so I’m spared having to watch anymore stupid crap.
Look at Sasha. He thinks he's so cool with his black bandana and his bright green beeds. You ain't so cool Mr. Big Shot!
Half Past Dead was a boring action movie that didn’t need to be made. I’m wrong, sorry. The whole point of the movie was to promote Ja Rule’s upcoming album since they used about eight songs of his throughout the whole thing. The use of his music actually made the movie feel wrong when watching the action scenes because his crappy rap music made the action look totally out of place. If the song kept up with the action I think it would have been better. Watching those action scenes was like being on a steady boat surrounded by very wavy waters.
The action itself was pretty dull and the scenes ended very quickly, and generally involved a weak punch or kick from Seagal. Speaking of which, he needs to give up acting and do something more productive like running a martial arts school. He’s a kick ass fighter no doubt but the guy can’t act at all. He has the same serious face tattooed on and it never changes no matter what he is feeling. That being said, he did a much better job in this movie than everyone else who were mainly used just to hype the movie up (ahem Ja Rule?).
I guess there isn’t much left for me to say about the movie since there isn’t really anything to say about it. This is a case of judging a book by its cover due to the bad title name of the movie. I’m glad they explained why the movie was called Half Past Dead (because Sasha died and came back to life), and had I not known that I would have just assumed the director didn’t know what title to slap onto this pile of boring crap. Watch it if you’re a fan of Steven Seagal. I’d recommend watching it if you’re a Ja Rule fan as well since I know everyone who loves a singer is bound to love their movies no matter how bad they are (I’m looking at you 50 Cents fans out there).
That’s it for Half Past Dead and I have a feeling that if I look around hard enough, I’m bound to find a treasure chest full of Steven Seagal badness. Who knows, maybe Ja Rule will keep making movies to keep this website fed for years to come! Until my next review Bucket Heads have a safe weekend and a fun one!
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Comment by Damo
I think you nailed this one.
I watched it to see some serious killings bu Steven bone breaker.
What I got was Half Past Too Old to do this crap anymore.
He looked old in this. Too old for jump and kicking stuff. Like Arnie looked in his later movies.
However the ending credits with the visits was funny.
Number six was hot but not enough to join the 49rs. There have been hotter wild bad women in films.
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Snipets
Number 6 was hot damn it! It has to be that awesome eye shadow of hers.