Final Destination 3 - Part 2
February 25th 2008 01:32
Category: No Category
Avoiding Death would really suck if you know that anything could kill you at any given time.
Wendy and Kevin figure out that Frankie the wannabe player is next. They are driving around looking at his photo trying to put together the clues. In the end, they think she is going to get killed by a ladder or a giant Spongebob doll. No I’m not making this up THAT is the theory they came up with. They stop at a drive through and a dump truck backs up into them. They are pinned up against the wall as a truck comes speeding down a hill out of control. Wendy and Kevin get out of their jeep as the truck slams into the back of it. The motor pops out and rams into the back of the head of someone parked in front of them. It turns out it was poor Frankie who now has a giant motor blade sticking out of his skull. The blade turns and takes off a chunk of his brain. Wow, that was so terrible I laughed.
Wendy and Kevin figure out that Lewis, Ian and Ian’s punk girlfriend Erin are up next. As they go through the picture they see a picture of Carrie, which makes Kevin start crying and he talks about how he was going to ask her to marry him after they graduated. Aww isn’t that sad… too bad she was gonna dump his lame ass and kick that zero to the curb, honey! They find another picture of Frankie and a fan in the background… oh that makes a LOT more sense now. They put together some clues in Lewis’ photo at the strength tester and figure out that something heavy is going to come down on his head. Kevin wants to know what his picture looks like afraid he is going to die with something stuck up his ass. No… I’m not making this up I swear I am not. This is how bad the script is.
Not even Death can stop Lewis from getting that perfect chisled body.
Lewis is working out with his football mates and Wendy is noticing all the signs and warning in the photo. Kevin is trying to explain to Lewis what is going on but he doesn’t buy it for one second. Some water spills on the ground and music starts playing as Lewis moves around the gym from equipment to equipment. Lewis mentions how he is going to kick some ass in their upcoming game and all the moron football players are all screaming and pumping more iron. Someone accidentally knocks a bear’s paw, which makes its nail come off and hit a huge guy in the face. He drops his huge weights down on the ground which makes the room shake. On the wall are two big swords that swing down and almost cut Lewis’ head off, but instead cut the wires on the machine he was working on. Thinking he avoided death, Lewis goes crazy and decides to pump more iron, but the weights on the machine crush his head and cause it to explode!
I shouldn’t be finding these deaths funny but I am. I’m either sadistic or I’m laughing at how terrible these deaths are. Wendy starts crying thinking she is making everyone die around her, which I would totally be thinking as well if I was Kevin. He tries to calm her down and makes her feel better. Up next is Ian and Erin, who are working late at night in a hardware store. Ian loads up a nail gun and starts shooting some pigeons. Kevin and Wendy start talking to Erin as Ian drives around on a forklift. The lights start flickering but it’s the punk guy turning the lights on and off. They are making fun of the situation but they won’t be laughing when they DIE! I’ll be laughing though but they won’t be.
The wind is back and Death is coming! The jock tells the punk to move out of the way and they think something is going to happen. Wendy is trying to figure out who is going to die first, but Ian and Erin aren’t stressed or worried since everyone dies sooner or later. Erin knocks into a chain that starts to come unloose while Ian accidentally knocks over a bunch of glue tins. Ian gets off the lift and randomly starts cutting pieces of wood with a huge power saw while the forklift starts driving into a bunch of flammable liquids. It crashes into hammers and the fork part of the machine picks up a shelf, shaking a bunch of ladders. While this is all happening Ian wonders if someone killed themselves would it screw up Death’s plan. At the moment the wind blows past and tons of things start falling off the shelves.
Everyone rolls out of the way to avoid the falling debris, mainly the huge sharp planks of wood. Suddenly Erin gets slammed backwards magically, skids across the floor and bangs into the huge nailgun. It automatically goes off and starts shooting nails through her head! Ian starts crying while I am laughing my damn ass off at the most stupid death I have EVER seen in a movie. However, I was pissed off. The way glue and flammable liquids were getting knocked around I was expecting a huge explosion not for Erin to turn into Pinhead.
Look out world, Pinhead's got a hot date tonight!
Next day everyone’s in the cop station and Wendy tells Kevin she told the cops everything about the photos. Since they saved Ian they figure out Kevin is next then her. Wendy is asleep at her desk and her sister Julie sneaks up and steals the bracelet. Wendy wakes up, looks at a photo and realizes her sister is next instead! She calls Kevin who is working at this fete thing her sister went to and tells him about what is happening. Wendy looks at her photo and Kevin’s Wendy has a shirt on with McKinley on it and while Kevin has a bright light on his face. They don’t understand Wendy’s but figure out Kevin is going to get blasted by fireworks.
Wendy is racing over to the fete and the radio switches on, playing some song about people stalking people. Meanwhile Kevin is freaking out seeing all the bright things that could kill him. He looks at fireworks, a flame on a grill, a guy working as a blacksmith and finally, he looks at someone doing the Benjamin Franklin kite flying thing with the lightning. No… I’m going to remind you again I am not making this crap up ok? This is how ridiculous and stupid the movie keep getting. Kevin finds Wendy’s sister and her friends while a cannonball gets loose, rolls under a booth and breaks one of the supports to the fireworks holder. Some idiots set off firecrackers next to the horse and it runs wild. According to the photo, Julie is standing near a merry-go-round and there is a horse behind her.
The horse runs past Julie and the rope that was holding it in place wraps around Julie’s neck. It drags her all over the place and heads for a pile of spikes. Now, who the HELL would just randomly place a bunch of spikes in the middle of a fete where there are hundreds of families with children walking all over the place? Anyway, Kevin cuts the rope and saves Julie. Wendy catches up with them, and asks Julie who she was sitting next to. It turns out it was Julie’s Asian friend but it doesn’t matter since a random flag pole flies out of nowhere and impales her. Kevin’s next but Wendy saves him from a rolling gas canister that almost explodes in his face. As the girls try to get Kevin to the first aid tent Ian appears. It turns out his last name is McKinley and he is going to kill Wendy since Erin died.
Wait hold up one minute. Ian is going to kill Wendy because she tried to save these ungrateful assholes from dying? They laughed at her and in the end that stupid bitch Erin died. Ian is pissed off because of that? Screw him! The broken fireworks stand starts firing rockets towards the group and they all hit the deck. Ian stands there as they all pass him. He laughs thinking he is immortal, but the fireworks hit a huge light post that flattens him in two. The severed upper body of Ian gives the three the finger. Do I have to remind you all that I am not making this crap up? I thought not.
Five months later and Wendy is on a train. She hears the same stalker song on the train and the wind passes by. Death is coming back for her! Wendy looks around at the advertisements on the train and all of them have something to do with places where everyone died, (tanning salon, a gym etc). Wendy freaks out and tries to get off the train but people coming on the train push her back onto it. Someone drops their candy on the ground. It falls on the tracks and a rat starts eating it. Wendy’s sister Julie enters the train and sits with her and as lucky would freaking have it, Kevin is on the same damn train to!
The rat hits a wire which causes the train to go on a different direction. The train derails and splits in two. A huge piece of metal hits Julie which makes her disappear in a cloud of blood while Kevin somehow is pushed against the window of the train. The window breaks and Kevin gets planted against the wall exploding on impact. The train stops and there’s bodies all over the place. Julie is on the tracks with a broken leg, so she is pretty much screwed when a train is heading towards her. Don’t worry folks its Hollywood, it was just a damn vision.
Wendy freaks out and tells Julie and Kevin what she saw. They try to stop the train by pulling the emergency breaks and it doesn’t work! It fades to black, and we hear a huge train crash. Wait… we hear a crash? Wait… that means the vision came true. WAIT! That means they are all DEAD! THEY’RE ALL DEAD! FINALLY! THANK GOD THE PEOPLE I HATE IN A MOVIE DIE!!! A movie that kills off all the main character that I hated, this is the greatest moment in movie history! I should save it from my butcher but this ending is not going to make me forget the rest of the damn bullshit that I had to sit through.
So there you have it Bucket Heads this was a ride that definitely was the death of me like the roster said. Wait, that makes no sense at all why would a ride be the death of me if I am not riding anything? Why would you promote a ride as something that would kill you? Why the hell am I ranting on about this? My point is I saved you from watching this heap of crap, unless I am too late and you’ve fallen victim to it. I shall have my Final Thoughts posted up in a few days so until then I shall see you all later!
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