Final Destination 3 - Part 1
February 25th 2008 01:32
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If you've seen one of these movies than you've pretty much seen them all.
Another week and another movie plucked fresh out from the Bucket my Bucket Heads. I hope you’ve all enjoyed your weekend and are ready to dive into a fresh pile of crap. This week the movie under review is the third in its trilogy and hopefully they won’t make anymore of these movies. The movie under review today is Final Destination 3 and it was not a pretty movie I can tell you that.
I watched the first movie when it came out and I found it to be an interesting concept. We have someone who has a premonition of a disaster and manages to save other people from dying, but one by one they are killed by Death who is pissed off they ruined his plan. It’s up to all of them to stick together and help one another to survive. Hey, I said the concept was interesting I didn’t put this movie into my pile of favourite movies. It was ok, but that was about it.
After this movie they decided to make a sequel and another one after that. From what I hear the second movie is crap, but not as crap as the third which is what we are going to be looking at. It’s the same old concept from the last two movies only more watered down. So put on your hazard suits and let’s take a look at this heap of crap that was Final Destination 3.
Kevin and Wendy aren't on a rollercoaster of love... it's a rollercoaster of DEATH!!!
We open to shots of what has to be the darkest carnival I have ever seen. This is the play where Pinhead, Freddie, Jason, Mike Myers and a bunch of other popular horror characters hang out after a fun day of killing innocents. There’s a close up on one of those cheap tacky tarot card reader dummies in a machine and it points to the Death Card, so I am assuming that this is a ‘figurative deaths’ where a part of someone will ‘die’ in a sense only to be reborn into something better. That, or someone’s gonna have their head ripped off in a good old bloody fashion. Where was I? Oh yeah, the carnival.
So after the credits stop rolling there’s one of those ‘Tower of Terror’ drop rides. Wendy, the main character of this movie, is taking pictures of it for her high school year book and her friends get off the ride. The ride is called ‘High Dive’ but when Wendy looks at her camera the ‘V’ is faded out so it says ‘High Die’. With this plus the Death Tarot card thing at the start, this movie is starting to get really corny already. The group of friends head over to some tables and begins talking. In the group is Wendy’s boyfriend Jason, her good friend Carrie and Carrie’s jock moron boyfriend Kevin.
As they are sitting down Kevin takes the camera and takes a photo under a young woman’s skirt. Wendy gets the camera from it and flashes it right in his face. The two men head off and Carrie tells Wendy she thinks Kevin is an idiot and wants to break up with Jason, who is checking out the g-strings of a few hot cheerleaders playing the ‘squirt the water in the clown’s mouth’ game. Wendy takes a picture of them, then takes a picture of these punk brats one of them is Julie, who happens to be Wendy’s sister.
There’s a black guy with weird sunglasses dancing doing the MC Hammer dance, that was pretty random. Next up is a guy called Lewis who is a high school jock showing off on that ‘Test your strength’ thing with the hammer. He wins and Wendy takes a photo of him. She takes a few more photos of people, a punk/gothic couple and some wannabe gangsta called Frankie, then Wendy starts getting scared when she sees the giant demon statue on the roller coaster’s entrance. Frankie tells the cheerleaders to move their hands up so he can get a shot of them “cupping the balls and dick of the devil”. Umm… as much as that sounded weird why would someone have a pair of testicles and a penis on a statue in a theme park that probably attracts families with young children?
Everyone is getting on the ride but Wendy is freaking out really bad now. Someone tells her that the odds of dying on a roller coaster ride are 250 million to one which means that idiot just screwed up their chances of living. Regardless Wendy is still scared and doesn’t want to sit in the front cart. Kevin says he’ll sit in the back with her and Jason tells him to look after her. Some kids try to get on the rollercoaster but get kicked off. The safety harnesses lock in and the breaks get cut… oh no something bad is going to happen.
The cars start to move and the ride begins! Everyone is cheering and clapping their hands like idiots. The carts go down a huge dip and everyone screams in excitement but Wendy who is still scared. Frankie the wannabe playa drops his camera, which lands on the track. The cars hit the camera and derails, wow what are the odds of that happening? Sparks fly around everywhere. The first half of the cars come lose and everyone is sent flying. There’s a twist part in the track and more people go flying all over the place. Lewis falls out and explodes on a pole. Yes you read that, he exploded on a role. The coaster stops at the top of a huge loop and everyone is holding on for dear life. Everyone falls off by Wendy and Kevin. They start to rock the coaster down and manage to get it back on track. Kevin stands up and gets cut in half by a broken part of the tracks and finally, Wendy gets hurled off the ride to her death.
And that’s pretty much the end of the movie… or at least I would like to think so. The ride didn’t take off and Wendy just had a vision of what was going to happen. She freaks out and starts to freak out a few more people about what she thinks is going to happen. Some people get off and Lewis is pissed off at Wendy, so he starts a fight with Kevin. Jason wants to get off the ride to go to his girlfriend but its too late and they start the ride. Just like Wendy saw, the carts come off the rails and everyone on the coaster at the time dies.
Ever wondered how you are going to die? Just simply look at past photos for clues.
A few days pass and Wendy’s back at school. She walks past a shrine deicated to the dead students, including her boyfriend Jason and her friend Carrie. Something blows out the flame of the candle in the glass seal… duh duh duh! Kevin runs up to Wendy and she tells him she just wants to leave the school and not come back. Kevin says he would take care of her but Wendy is acting like a bitch to him and tells him to go away. She walks through the school and everyone who she saved from the ride acts nice to her and offers her help. She blows them all off and heads to her car. Kevin runs up to her and tells her about how something like this happened years ago when a student had a vision of a plane blowing up. He pretty much talks about the first movie but Wendy thinks it’s all bullcrap.
The two cheerleaders, who’s names are Ashley and Ashlyn, head off to a tanning salon because they want to look their best for the people who died when they graduate. Wow, what a bunch of whores. Meanwhile Wendy’s sister Julie is acting like a mega bitch to her for taking their grandmother’s bracelet. Wendy breaks down and starts crying about how guilty she feels about the accident. She talks about living the town and how there is no one left in the world for her. Wait, she is trying to say there’s no one supporting her when EVERYONE at the school is looking out for her and trying to comfort her? What an attention seeking bitch I hope she did die on the roller coaster ride. Anyway, Julie gives the bracelet back to her while Wendy starts going through the photos on the camera.
The guy who runs the salon takes the call outside and wedges the door with a tube of tanning lotion so he can get back in. A mysterious wind blows through Wendy room but the windows are shut… oh no it’s DEATH! Ashley and Ashlyn walk into the tanning booth with their drinks and set up the machines as the door slowly squeezes the tube of lotion open. Wendy starts uploading the pictures to her computer and notices a roller coaster in the background of the photo of her dead boyfriend Jason. Ashlyn tells Ashley to throw her drink out but she doesn’t and places it down on a shelf. They turn up the heat in the room and reach up on another shelf for some CDs to listen, which makes the shelf start to come lose. The two take their clothes off and enter the tanning booths as more lotion is getting squeezed out of the tube. Oh, the suspense is killing me I just don’t know what the hell is going to happen next.
‘Love Roller Coaster’ by Ohio Players starts playing and the chicks are getting their tans while they sing the song. Wow, what are the odds of that song playing? The drink starts to dip water down onto the tanning machine while Wendy is going through more photos. She comes across the picture of the two Ashes and they are glowing red. Oh give me a damn break… this camera is going to give hints to how people die now? The tanning machine is reaching a danger point and the rooms start to heat up even more. The booths starts to increase their temperature and the girls are beginning to feel a little hotter. Wendy is worried about the girls so she goes to give them a call on Ashley’s cell phone, which is a 555 number. Now, from what I understand 555 numbers in America are house numbers. If you’re American and you are reading this, please tell me how the HELL someone is able to call someone on their cell phone with a home phone number.
Well, Ashley can’t get to her bag since she’s in the tanning both. The shelf that was loose comes off and manages to wedge itself in the booths making it impossible for the girls to open them up. The heat increases, the mirrors in the machines begin to crack and the girls scream in pain. The owner of the salon can’t get to them as the door closed after the lotion was squeezed out completely. Their skin blisters and turns red and they burst into flames and die a horrible burning death! Man, did I laugh loudly when I saw this death scene. It was so ridiculously stupid you just had to laugh.
How to cook a Cheerleader: Sit in Tanning Booth, set on 360 degrees and leave it in there until she set on fire. Add garnish for flavour.
From tanning boosts we go to two white coffins and a funeral. The priest is talking about how Death is equal for all and the punk kid who got off the roller coaster, his name is Ian, loses it and talks about how the girls didn’t deserve it. Frankie the wannabe playa says it was all his fault for womanizing ladies to make themselves look good for him. Lewis thinks funerals are boring and tells people to give him a PSP when he is at his own funeral. I don’t know if that was meant to be funny but it was pretty stupid. How can you play a PSP if you’re dead? Wendy is visiting Jason’s grave and Kevin walks up to her. They have a talk and a cry over their lost loved ones and Wendy says she feels a bad presence around that makes her cold and scared.
Wendy begins to talk about what Kevin said before and shows him photos. The first is a picture of Abe Lincoln with a line running through his head. Wendy says the plate was cracked when the photo was taken, and that the line running through his head was where he got shot… wow you have got to be kidding me right? She then shows him a picture of the shadow of a plane on one of the WTC towers… wow you have got to be F***ING KIDDING ME!!! This has to be the biggest load of CRAP that I have EVER seen. She then shows a photo of a plane crash with a sign saying “Next 180” on it a year before the events of the first movie. Wendy pulls out a photo of the night of the accident and shows him a picture of the glowing cheerleaders. Jason freaks out and they begins to figure out who is going to die next.
Is the suspense killing you all as well? It wasn’t for me at this point I wanted to take the DVD out of my player and snap it but I couldn’t since I borrowed it from a store. So I had to push on and watch more for the sake of all you my Bucket Heads. Let’s move on to the second half of this movie shall we?
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