The Bucket Presents: Fatal Contact - Bird Flu in America
June 22nd 2008 22:27
Category: F
It's bad enough millions of people are sick around the world - and they have the nerve to delay the trains! Outrageous!
They say you can judge a book by its cover. Sometimes the cover doesn’t really make the book. When a cover looks good, it could be pretty bad. When a cover looks bad, it could be pretty good. No one will know what a book is really like when you look at its cover. You need to open it up and read it for yourself before you pass judgement. The same could be said about movies – only 95% of the time a crap DVD or video cover ends up meaning a very bad movie.
This was the case for the following movie that I watched titled Fatal Contact. If you prefer the longer name of the movie however, it would be Fatal Contact: Bird Flu in America. I looked at the cover and couldn’t help but think it was going to involve some storyline along the lines of Birds. What I got however was something much worse. It was a disaster movie, and I mean it was both a disaster genre movie and the movies itself was a disaster.
You might be thinking, “Oh some on now it was made for television! Give it a break!” Whether it was made for television or not it is still a movie. This website features bad movies from the A-Grade piece of Hollywood crap to movies that you guys and girls have never heard of before. We have it all at the Bucket and this movie fits in very well. Trying to cash in on the whole “bird flu” scare a year or so ago someone thought it would be cool to make a movie about it. So here it is Bucket Heads. Put on your HAZMAT suits and let’s get ready to sterilize this bad flick.
Wow, that lady really loves her chickens huh?
Our movie starts off with a radar tracking a group of flying ducks. These birds are flying out from Asia; where in the luggage of everyone at the Hong Kong International Airport is getting scanned. Mr. Connelly, some American rich businessman, is running late for his plane. It’s week one of the bird flu and we have some deaths. Authorities in China are killing chickens and ducks by the hundreds. Connelly walks through this and enters a factory, getting pissed off at his Chinese business partners. Why? Apparently the Chinese were ahead of their schedule and started sending things EARLY to America as opposed to not getting the product finished at all.
A bunch of workers are packing away some stuff and one of them begins coughing into a box, and seals it, just like that episode in the Simpsons when everyone got the Osaka Flu. Remember when the Simpsons used to be an awesome show years ago? Those were good times. Anyway, Connelly is at a bar and he downs down his napkin, and it has the bird flu germs! The bartender touches it, and now HE has the germs! He picks up an olive, puts it in a drink and gives it to an African guy who eats it. Now HE has the germs! As Connelly heads back to America feeling sick, everyone around the world is getting the bird flu! All this got spread because Connelly touched a napkin. Amazing!
In Florida there’s a woman called Iris, who is a leading expert of germs and illnesses, in bed with some guy. She gets a call and rushes out. In Virginia Connelly arrives home and kisses his wife! She has the germs now! Meanwhile the WHO (World Health Organisation) talks about the bird flu evolving and now people are able to catch it. They talk about containment being impossible but they still may have a chance. Not anymore! Back in China people are getting really sick, but it’s ok people. According to WHO, it’s only a problem if more than twenty people get sick. One of the sick people hurls blood on a nurse. Iris talks with an Asian doctor about the flu.
Back in America Connelly is at his son’s baseball game and shakes hands with someone! Now he has the germs! Connelly starts having a coughing fit so the daughter allows him to drink out of her straw. Now Connelly has his daughter’s herpies! Ok… I made that last part up. We go to Washington and it is now Week Two of the virus. 157 have died, wait, now it’s 158! They have a counter! Iris meets a guy called Collin, who is some government person, and they start talking about the virus mutating. At a meeting with some top government people, everyone begins to panic about the virus. Aren’t country leaders meant to be, you know, calm and cool during a crisis? They want to develop a vaccine straight away and they think the flu will hit America in a few days… or so they THINK! DUH DUH DDUUUUUHHHH!!!
I don't know about you but I sure don't feel that safe knowing the lead doctor investigating the bird flu outbreak is a stoner.
Connelly is getting sick in a hardware store and starts screaming at a little girl for making noise. He bleeds out of his nose, goes crazy for a little bit and passes out. His family is in the hospital and they have been contained in the waiting room. Iris speaks to Mrs. Connelly, whose name is Denise, in private. The kids think he is dead as the bird flu begins to spread around the world!
Denise gets dressed up in protective gear and visits her comatose husband. Iris calls Collin and says she think the bird flu is in America! A HAZMAT team heads to the Connelly house and not only blocks off the house, but blocks off the whole street as well. Mr. Connelly drops dead and Denise cries. A press conference confirms the bird flu is in America so the best advise the WHO and the U.S Government can give people is… wash your hands. Yes make sure you all wash your hands before you eat because you want to look your best when you drop dead people.
It’s Week Three and over 150,000 people are dead. We’re in a busy NYC hospital and a nurse called Alma talks about how screwed up the situation is. As whole streets are locked down and contained, Iris heads up to a safe underground lab where Governor Mike Newsome is staying with his family, and a bunch of people monitoring the bird flu situation. It’s nice to see that the government only looks out for themselves huh people? Iris tells Mike the extreme containment measures aren’t going to work, Mike tells Iris to shut up. Iris tells Mike he is taking away people’s humanity, Mike tells they’ll fight the virus because they are American!
It's amazing how a little mouth piece can prevent someone from catching such a deadly virus isn't it?
We’re back at the Connelly neighbourhood and everyone is being quarantined and given rations and supplies. They can’t give anyone gloves because they are all made in China and no one wants to import from them. Lauren, Denise’s daughter, is talking to some old woman who prays for the family. In NYC everyone is clearing out stores from everything they have. Alma, the nurse, talks about her husband Curtis who is fighting in Iraq. No one cares. She gets pissed off that coffee costs fifty dollars since everyone is running low on supplies. People begin moving into bomb shelters. Alma enters her apartment building and finds a dead woman inside who died from the bird flu. The baby is crying, the husband of the woman shoots himself, the baby shuts up.
Across America there’s prison break outs and gangs running around, while Governor Mike is trying to get everything under control. They ship out anti-viruses that aren’t working. Mike goes to his wife and son in some room, he is a diabetic. They hate the place they’re in. Meanwhile Lauren is bitching about having nothing to eat but rice and flour. In case she doesn’t know, the world is pretty much screwed at the moment and she is better than a lot of people at the moment. The son dying from the virus and Denise looks like she has been doing cocaine. We’re back in NYC and hospitals are getting swarmed with sick people. Some nurses are just quitting on the spot and steal some supplies as they do so. Alma’s husband Curtis arrives and it seems like he just survived a bad case of the bird flu. The two of them kiss passionately and everyone around them is dying.
Iris is talking to the Asian doctor and he says that the virus has become mutated to the point where anti-viruses aren’t working. China starts burning dozens of dead bodies, just like they did in the old days with the Black Death. We go back to NYC where Alma is talking to Curtis about a bunch of random crap that no one cares about. Alma is getting ready for work and they announce that over 350,000 people have died from the bird flu. Curtis doesn’t want Alma to work anymore and compares to working at the hospital of sick people is like running through a land mine field.
Don't be fooled by Dr. Iris' HAZMAT suit. It is merely her bong suit that she is using to get herself more high during this crisis. Her face says it all.
It’s now Week Six, how time flies when you are having fun, and now over 2.5 million people are dead. People all over America are getting annoyed neighbourhoods are getting locked down and Governor Mike is getting annoyed nothing is working against the Bird Flu. Meanwhile Denise is looking after her dying son, who wants food. Denise tries to find him food but the house is completely empty. Lauren is having another bitch fit, telling her that the world is coming to an end. Iris finds out the French have developed a cure. Collin wants to tell America about the news to give everyone hope, but Iris thinks it would make people careless about the situation. Alma continues to work at the hospital, which has been moved to the train station due to all the sick people. She is leading a bunch of nurses to their stations as her husband watches on annoyed.
We’re back at the Connelly place the kids watch on as dead people get taken out from their houses. The son is better now. Governor Mike is getting stressed out about the situation so he lifts all the lock downs. Meanwhile, Iris is in her lovely posh apartment sitting down on her lovely white leather sofa having herself a nice glass of red wine. It’s good to see that she is living like a queen during this crisis while everyone else is dropping dead like flies. Alma gets called into one of the tents of someone who is dying, and takes their medicine to give to others who need it.
It’s Week Nine and over 6 million people are now dead. Denise heads to a supermarket for food, and wrestles a lady for water. The world’s leading experts gather to talk about the current crisis, as they drink coffee and eat nice food. Iris and Collin find out they have enough vaccine for about one hundred thousand people. They decide to give it to the doctors and nurses over everyone else. Collin tells Mike, Mike gets pissed off they HE isn’t getting vaccinated. He’s son dies because Mike had his own family placed in lock down and they ran out of medicine. What an idiot. It’s Week Twelve now and over 13 million are dead. In NYC a few punk try to highjack a medicine truck but Curtis and his army buddies kill them. Curtis has a cry about sick people going to these measures to survive.
Mike and his wife are upset about their son’s death so everyone leaves their safe bunker. Mike stops the car to see trucks dump dozens of dead bodies into a massive landfill. We’re back in NYC and Curtis is having nightmares about what happened. Alma says she can’t take this anymore. Meanwhile in Virginia Iris heads to Mike’s huge mansion and he apologizes to her for not listening. Mike is convinced we can’t win but Iris says everyone needs to help one another. Wow this is getting so damn lame. All this movie has been up to this point is “What are we going to do!?” “Everything we can because there is hope!”
See Bucket Heads you're not alone - these guys put on their protective suits as well for the movie!
We’re at Week 14 and there’s almost 19 million dead. The Connelly family finds their old lady neighbour slowly dying because she hasn’t eaten. They take her back to their home. In NYC Alma is getting ready to work when her husband comes out with a cake for her. It’s her birthday! Her family is on the floor and Alma is very happy. Back at the Connelly neighbour Denise is organising everyone to help one another, while Mike talks to communities and helps to organize community drives. Alma is checking up on some old guy and his wife. There aren’t any drugs left and the old man talks about how much he had to fight in his life to make everything good for the people he loved. This is getting more lame by every passing second.
On the news it seems like people are getting better slowly. Alma finds out that she is pregnant so she quits the hospital and heads home. Collin holds a press conference saying the French are refusing to give the vaccine to America and are keeping it for themselves. Wow. What a load of crap! Why the hell are the French bashed on in every movie? Does this have something to do with them not helping America in Iraq? Here’s a thought, why don’t you guys make your own damn vaccine!? Week 16 approaches and there’s over 20 million people dead. The Asian doctor calls Iris and says the virus is mutating rapidly. He says it is wiping out villages and towns in Africa so Iris decides to check it out.
Alma is home with Curtis and talks about the flu being over soon. She gives him a present and it’s a baby name book. Curtis is happy about Alma being pregnant but I don’t care at this point. Right now I want to punch Alma in the stomach and make her cough the baby up since it would be more entertaining than this right now. Anyway, the French decide to give other countries the vaccine. Meanwhile, Collin is dying and while everyone is lying around dying in a train station, the government officials get five-star treatment in an awesome hospital. Iris gets upset since she knows he is going to die. She runs off and cries badly in a bathroom – and by badly I meant her acting.
Governor Mike visits the Connelly family to praise them for all of their hard work. The young Connelly son looks like he is wearing lipstick. Mike tells Denise they are going to start up a relief fund for the victims of the flu and name it after Mr. Connelly. That’s right; they are going to name the relief fund after the asshole who brought the bird flu to America. It’s Week 17 and over 24 Million are dead, and I’m about to start adding to that growing list if this movie continues to suck any more. Iris heads to Africa and she is scared about the possibility of the virus becoming more dangerous. In NYC Curtis takes Alma up on the rooftop for a nice candle lit dinner. They do the samba as the Connelly family sits down with their old lady neighbour playing cards. Mike is watching a video of his dead son with his wife, and they are happy together.
Iris lands in Africa with her team and they find an infected village. Everyone is dead and there is no life left. Iris confirms the virus has gotten worse as birds begin flying all over the place. The credits role and we are all left with the reality that everyone is going to die. That’s right people, I’ve never seen a movie end so damn dark before in my life. Everyone is going to die and there is nothing that we can do about it. That’s really satisfying to know isn’t it?
That’s all for today Bucket Heads go wash down your HAZMAT suits and get ready to join us this Friday when I toss this movie with the piles of dead bodies and set them on fire. Have a fun week and take care of yourselves – less you all find yourself victims of the bird flu!
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