Epic Movie - Final Thoughts
June 19th 2008 22:23
Category: E
From the producers of such garbage as Superhero Movie, Scary Movie 2 – 4, Date Movie, Meet the Spartans and a whole bunch of other crap we get a whole new meaning of crap. Epic Movie – the worst of the worst – has scarred me for life and you all should be grateful that I watched it and you did not. Sweat, blood, tears and over three bottles of Vodka went into this movie and I can finally put this bad boy to rest. Let’s kick off the crap Bucket Heads.
The Loathes.
Where the hell do I begin? Let’s just start with the idea of making a spoof movies based on every single movie that was released in the past year. I cannot begin to count how many movies were spoofed – badly – within eighty minutes. I’ll give it a go anyway. We had X-Men, Willy Wonka, Snakes on a Plane, The Chronicles of Nardia, Nacho Libre, The Da Vinci Code, Pirates of the Caribbean, Harry Potter, Superman, James Bond, Star Wars, and Borat to name a few and then we had things spoofed like Punk’d and Cribs. It was TERRIBLE.
The jokes were not even funny at all. Most of them involved a whole bunch of stupid crap that we’ve all seen in movies one hundred times already. Tongue stuck to an icy pole – seen it. People punching each other randomly – seen it. Senseless and stupid violence – seen it. There was nothing new with any of this style of jokes which means lazy minds worked the movie. They should have at least tried to spice up the humour a little instead of force feeding us the same jokes we saw when we were kids. Slap stick comedy works, but it doesn’t work if it recycled and reproduced badly.
Speaking of jokes, there is nothing more annoying than having to watch some new jokes watered down to the point it’s not even funny anymore – not that any of the jokes in this movie were funny to begin with. There are so many examples of how Epic Movie featured nothing but water down jokes I don’t know if I could list them all. Some good examples would be how Lucy repeated everything that Susan said for no reason or how Samuel L. Jackson repeated the “I’ve had it with these mother f**kin’ snakes on this mother f**kin’ plane!” line about ten times within two minutes. I can’t even remember how many times Lucy ran up and kicked poor Harry Beaver.
Speaking of Harry Beaver, what the hell was up with those terrible names!? Someone must have received a tumour in their brain that blocked off the creative flow. The Evil White Bitch. Captain Jack Swallows. Harry Beaver. The list went on and on, they even called spelt Nardia “Gnardia” because someone had a funny idea for a joke to have state it was to avoid legal disputes. What I found funny was they used names like Harry Potter and Willy Wonka.
The Likes.
I didn’t like anything in this movie at all. Nothing!
The Plot / Script.
Four orphans based on different movies find a magical wardrobe while in Willy Wonka’s factory and get transported to the world of Gnardia. They must stop the Evil White Bitch from taking over the land before it is too late.
Yeah I know it says like the same plot from the Chronicles of Nardia with one hundred movies thrown in. That’s what this movie pretty much was – a very unfunny spoof that blended in too many movies than it would handle. I know plots are meant to be stupid for comedies and that they should not be taken seriously, but the plot for this movie was way too stupid as much as I did not take the movie seriously. I knew it was a comedy, but it was bad.
The script was just terrible. It was like the creators of this movie just grabbed a production line of writers and made them write hundreds of ideas and randomly picked them from a hat. The jokes were not original and when they were original jokes they were pretty much stupid. It was poor work, very poor work.
The Actors.
I knew a handful of the actors in this movie. We had the guy who played Peter star in a few types of these movies before – and failed. We had Kumar from Harold & Kumar who was probably the only person I liked in this movie – not for the fact he was funny in this movie (he wasn’t) but for the fact it was Kumar! Stiffler’s Mom plays the Evil White Bitch, and once again shows us she can’t act then you had Carmen Electra as Mystique – and she’s hot. Everyone else in the movie sucked. Bad, no name actors for a bad comedy, it kinda fits in a way doesn’t it?
Final Thoughts.
There are spoof comedies out there that have manage to survive throughout the ages and will always be funny. There are spoof comedies out there that were funny at first, but when we look back at them today they aren’t as funny as what we thought they were. Then you have spoof movies like Epic Movie – who are terrible spoof movies that are not funny but just plan stupid.
This has to be the worst comedy movie that I have ever seen. Normally, if a comedy movie is bad, I will laugh once, maybe twice during it. While watching this movie I didn’t even smile or smirk. It was one bad joke after another and I really think the aim of this movie was just to piss people off with a chain of bad jokes. They took shots at everything from movies to celebrities to TV shows. Too much crap crammed into eighty minutes that ended in disaster.
I would suggest you only watch this movie with the intention on playing my drinking game – whenever you see or hear a bad joke, have a shot. Be warned that if you are intending on playing this bring about three full bottles of whatever alcohol you want. And tell your friends to bring three bottles as well. Other than playing a drinking game, avoid this movie no matter what. Don’t be tempted to watch this for yourself just to see how bad this movie really is.
That’s all from me today Bucket Heads. I will be working a bunch of synopsises over the next week or so on past movies featured here at Bucket Movies. It’s going to be fun reviving some of the crap that I killed so long along. Until my next review have a safe and fun weekend. Take care!
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Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
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Fat Cult
Techbreak
At least tell me that there's spades of gratuitious nudity. That'd be much less offensive than poorly written comedy.
The genuis of this movie is: by making it so atrocious, it's somehow appealing to the widest possible demographic.
You should hear the comments about these awful parody movies. People say 'yeah, it sucked, but I wanted to see it for that Pirates of the Caribbean bit'.
People enjoy it a little, but they really enjoy being able to talk about it, I suspect.
Bah!
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Movies
This is the thing I do not get about these movies - everyone knows that they suck before they watch the movie yet they go see it. When they go see it, they come out bitching and complaining about how much the movie sucked! What is the point of going to a movie knowing it is going to blow before you watch it? In my opinion if you're going to see a movie that is shit, and you know it's going to be shit, don't come crying to me about how shit the movie was.
The Pirates bit wasn't funny at all it was just plain and stupid. I don't know why you would waste your movie anyway to see a part of a movie when you could easily find it on YouTube.
Sigh... humanity scares me