Double Dragon - Part 4
January 3rd 2008 02:29
Category: No Category
Did you know the Lee Brothers have a third brother called Ug? As in Ug Lee? As in ugly? Yeah, I hate the world too some times.
It’s my favourite part of my reviews when I find the best worst quotes in the movie and present them all so that you may join in the hatred Bucket Heads. The majority of these quotes came from the same character so it kinda made my job a lot easier. So without further delay let’s kick off the:
BAD QUOTES IN DOUBLE DRAGON!!!
“My whole life flashed before my eyes! Dude, I sleep a lot!” – Billy Lee.
When you watch this movie Bucket Heads the one thing you want to do at the end of this movie is kill Scott Wolf. He is like a pest that you can’t get rid off because no matter how many times you cut off his head a new one grows back in its place. Billy busts out this quotes when he totals the ‘Dragon Wagon’ and all Billy does is sleep a lot. I’m sure he would have mentioned how much drugs he’s taken and what he’s done on the street to get the money for it but it’s meant to be a family movie and I’m sure parents don’t like that sore of stuff being told to their kids.
“Eat some fist, butthead!” – Billy Lee.
Yet another awesome quote that took place in one of the very few fight scenes in this movie, which were all crap for your information. With great quotes coming out of this punk’s mouth it was like they let an eight year old write the script and I wouldn’t be so surprised if an eight year old did write this crap. Want to hear more awesome quotes from Billy? Alright.
“Gnarly!” – Billy Lee.
Said multiple times throughout the movie when something ‘cool’ happens in Billy’s eyes. I’m guessing they tried doing the whole Ninja Turtles ‘Cowabunga’ thing with ‘gnarly’ crap. Now that I think about it I was pretty young when I first watched this movie and I NEVER remember anyone in my school EVER saying gnarly.
“What a buzz kill!” – Billy Lee.
Also uttered by Jack in Curse of the Komodo when a zombie interrupted a potential orgy only instead of an orgy in this movie, Billy screws up the karate tag team tournament by giving his opponent a noogie. This just shows how much of a stupid dipshit Billy is and if I were Jimmy I would have slammed a brick against his head.
“What a headcase!” – Billy Lee.
This one is in the scene where Billy is fighting one of the Japanese Jews and slams his head in a briefcase. You see what Billy did there people? That was clever!
“You’re gonna wake the dead!” – Billy Lee.
Yet another clever one liner by the idiot. This takes place when Billy, Jimmy and Marian are in the basement labotary in Shuko’s building and they stumble across a bunch of dead bodies. Marian starts screaming in terror, Billy busts out that line and poor Jimmy is still trying to find a brick to crack over his brother’s head.
“You’re weak like your father.” – Shuko.
“You’re ugly like your mother.” – Billy Lee.
The good ol’ ‘Yo mama!’ reference I knew that they would not let this one slip! This happens when Shuko gains both pieces of the medallion and turns into those black gorilla monk twin things. Shuko killed Billy and Jimmy’s father so he should know that he is weak if he killed him but Billy just had to go for a low blow. Mrs. Shuko could have been a very beautiful woman that graced many Playboy fold-outs in the past! Billy has no right to talk crap about poor Shuko’s mama! Enough of Billy I’m getting sick of talking about this little punk let’s move on to other idiots shall we?
“You heard of their third brother? Ug Lee?” - Abobo.
“Ug Lee! HAHA! I get it!” - Smartass Mohawk.
I GET IT TOO! Ug Lee as in ugly! You get it people!? UGLY! Abobo doesn’t just stop with Ug Lee he goes on to greater insults like Home Lee and Stan Lee… no I’m not making this up. How the hell would it be dissing someone by calling them homely or calling them a co-founder of Marvel comics? Then again this is Abobo who probably has the same brain size of the idiot scriptwriter. Now when Billy and Jimmy’s asian guardian chick died Abobo should have really hit them in the gut with something like:
“See now you have new friend, Lone Lee.”
You get it!? Lone Lee? Now the brothers have no one and they are lonely in this mad world!? I give myself five gold stars for that.
“You think I’m bad, wait until you met my lawyers!” – Shuko.
Shuko’s last terrifying words as he is taken away by the cops. Note to self, if I become an evil genius and my plots for world domination are ruined I will seek revenge by suing the people who stopped me from killing millions of people. And I’m sure that children will know what a lawyer is anyway. They probably would have thought that Shuko was taking about his two Japanese Jewish goons.
“I just want total domination for one American City! Is it too much to ask for?” – Shuko.
This quote cracked me up good when Shuko was bitching about not controlling the city yet. Of all the ‘American’ cities he could have picked he decided to take the one that was made utterly useless due to the earthquake. You’re a genius Shuko why don’t you try take over New York City. They have a lot more gangs, better gangs, violent gangs that don’t get their asses kicked by stupid punk kids. Maybe you should have recruited the Warriors or the Baseball Furies for your cause you probably would have seen a much better outcome.
“These gang members have rights too!” – Asshole Reporter.
Oh man I got so pissed off when I heard that quote from some asshole reporter talking to the chief of police about what the cops were going to do about the sudden rise in gang violence. Besides when a country is being ruled by a dictatorship when the HELL did the media start siding with the bad guys? If I were the chief of police I’d pull out my gun, aim it at the reporter and reply with:
“You have rights too, the right to be silent!”
And BAM I’d blow away that smart ass reporter for even trying to sympathize with people who are trying to ruin my city with chaos and violence. Time for my all time favourite quote to come out of this movie.
“Now who’s the boss?” – Linda Lash to Marian after kicking her ass.
You get it? You see what they did they? Marian’s played by Alyssa Milano who was a child star in that crap 1980’s sitcom Who’s The Boss. You get it now? Isn’t it funny? Don’t you find it HA-F***ING-LARIOUS!? For the ultimate icing in the cake Linda Lash should have rubbed Marian’s face with a cheese grater and said to her:
“Not so charming now are you?”
Get it!? Not so charming because Charmed is the other show Alyssa Milano is famous for? And then she could have changed her name to Ug, married Billy Lee and called herself Mrs. Ug Lee! Mrs. Ugly isn’t CHARMing anymore! See how easy it is to write a bunch of crap people!?
I’m going to try and forget the terrible dialogue of this movie by head butting a concrete wall. This movie was full of really bad one liners and dialogue that was most likely written by an eight year old or an adult with the mental capability of an eight year old. Come back tomorrow Bucket Heads when we take a look at Billy “The Idiot” Lee and his brother Jimmy “The Asshole” Lee.
I’m still confused as to why the hell calling someone Stan Lee would be seen as an insult.
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