Double Dragon - Final Thoughts
January 5th 2008 01:38
Category: D
To View Past Double Dragon Posts, Click The Following Links:
Part 1 – Video Game vs. Movie.Part 2 – Urban Gang Warfare.
Part 4 – Good Bad Quotes.
Part 5 – The Lee Brothers, Bimmy & Jimmy.
It’s Saturday, or Friday for you non-Aussies, so let’s get down to wrapping out our Bucket featured movie for this week. It was a crazy week that made me want to run around screaming just like our brave heroes but I resisted the urge, sucked it up and presented you with this bad movie so you people wouldn’t have to. Let’s kick off the final crap!
The Loathes:
Double Dragon is a poorly executed adaptation of a video-game to the big screen. It could have been so much better if it was taken seriously but there was nothing serious about this movie at all. It was aimed and made for kids which is total crap since the video game was nothing like that. The game involved two grown men beating the crap out of men and women to save a chick. This movie involved two idiots running around screaming while trying to stop an white wannabe Asian man with a bad haircut from taking over the city.
The special effects in this movie were terrible. It’s disgusting, that’s all I can say about it really. This movie was made in the year 1994. Let’s compare some things shall we? Robert Patrick plays Koko Shuko in the movie which contained very bad effects, you could tell was done with the blue screen thing in the background. Robert Patrick, about three years earlier, played T-1000 in Terminator 2, which won an Oscar for its special effects. Thank God that there weren’t a lot of effects in this movie as it would have only elevated the crapness of it.
The ending of this movie was one of the worst endings I’ve ever seen. Instead of having a quick epilogue stating the brothers now protect the city while it’s being rebuilt or having them run off to go save some damsel-in-distress, they end it with the brothers and Marian screaming like idiots in the back of the ‘Dragon Wagon’ while Abobo speeds off into the sunset. What the hell is it? The movie just ended suddenly just like that.
The one thing that really made my blood boil was how everything in this movie was aimed at kids and it was overly done. Good guys fighting off bad guys with marbles and basketballs, that stupid ‘whoop’ noise whenever someone falls over, and a gang of kids that can kick the asses of dangerous adults are just some examples of the childishness. They could have made this film so violent and so dark yet they decided to go with a kid’s movie instead. Good clean family fun for the youngsters and for the angry mob of fans of the game thinking it was going to be a good movie.
The Likes:
Koko Shuko’s haircut was awesome and I think the name itself, Koko Shuko, was awesome. When I heard his name for the first time I was expecting something more, American, but when I heard his wannabe Asian name I burst out laughing. He sounds more like an Asian cosmetic company owner. Wait a minute, in Catwoman they proved how dangerous and ruthless the cosmetic industry was… maybe Koko Shuko got his fortune as the owner of a cosmetic company! It all makes sense now.
The Script / Plot:
Two annoying brothers find themselves protecting half of an ancient powerful Chinese medallion while trying to stop a bad guy from taking over a city. It’s a race against time to see who will gain the other half of the medallion in order to use the powers of the Double Dragon!
Now here is what the movie should have been about:
A pissed off young man, heads off to find the gang responsible for kidnapping his girlfriend, with the help of his equally pissed off twin brother. The two will stop at nothing, beating up wave after wave of enemy, until they find their girl.
Now THAT would have been an awesome movie to see. Instead we got this typical bullcrap movie where a hero/heroes have to go and find a piece of an amulet/medallion before the bad guy can get his hands on it so he can rule the world, or at least ONE American City if your name is Koko Shuko. What normally happens is the bad guy gets his hands on the fully completed artifact, fights with our heroes who will win, they get the artifact and defeat the bad guy.
The movie followed the same basic plot and it sucked. Why they didn’t just stick to the original game script I have no idea why but it would have not only made a lot more sense but it would have resulted in a much better movie.
The Actors:
Robert Patrick is another good example of an actor who does his best acting in his actions and not his words. He just doesn’t have that ‘voice’ that makes him intimidating. It’s that blank look on his face in Terminator 2 that made him so bad ass. In this movie he turned into a bitchy bad guy who cried every time someone screwed up his plans. Everyone else in the movie sucked, from Scott Wolf right down to the idiot that got stuck inside that beefed up Abobo costume.
The Changes:
I would stick more closely to the original game storyline, Billy and Jimmy Lee take on waves of bad guys while trying to find Billy’s girlfriend. I’d probably end the movie just like they ended the original video game if you were playing with someone else, Billy’s girlfriend makes the brothers fight each other for HER. Yeah what a bitch, I dunno why anyone would want to save her now. I’d also remove the entire cast and replace it with a bunch of people who know how to fight and act. I’ll fill the movie with a bunch of kick ass fight scenes as well with everyone getting the crap beat out of them with bottles, whips, baseball bats and more goodies just like the games.
Final Thoughts:
Just like BloodRayne I wouldn’t call this movie the worst video-game movie adaptation of all time but I would say it was very close. I hated how they ruined a potentially good movie by making it so damn childish. The characters sucked horribly and the acting that went with it was just as bad.
The funny thing about this movie is the fact that the director of this movie was his first and last big screen production. I guess it’s not that funny in terms of how an awesome video game was ruined on the big screen, but it’s funny how he never made anything after this. Actually, the director of this movie was and still is involved in making those DVD/Video specials of a singer’s/band’s concert tour. I guess it explains why the movie was so bad.
When I was a kid I remember actually likely this movie a bit. I thought it was cool but when I watched this, now a lot smarter, I cringed in pain wondering how stupid I could have been to think this was a good movie. I couldn’t believe how much this movie sucked and I guess it kinda proved everything in this movie was just aimed at kids and at no other age group.
R.I.P Double Dragon. You could have had so much potential to become an awesome movie yet Hollywood has failed once again with this adaptation. I’m throwing this movie back inside the Bucket my Bucket Heads and will be plucking out another movie to review next week. Until then have a safe and fun weekend. I shall see you all shortly. Peace!
Robin: “Wow Batman, those two brave men risked their lives to save the city.”
Batman: “Risking their lives is what heroes do best Robin. Many people have risked their lives to save a city, a love one, or even the whole world.”
Robin: “Wha’ chu’ talkin’ ‘bout Battie?”
Batman: “There was once a group of brave scientists who risked their lives trying to restart the planet’s core so it may spin once more.”
Robin: “Holy 20000 Leagues Under the Sea Batman!”
Batman: “No old chump not just 20,000 leagues under the sea but right inside the heart of the planet. Right into, the Core!”
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