DOA: Dead or Alive - Part 2
March 10th 2008 01:14
Category: No Category
Tina vs. Zack. I know we have to try to cheer one on but seriously, I hope they both break their necks in combat.
The girls play as Hayabusa goes off to explore the lab killing anyone that stands in his way. Do I need to remind you all that I am NOT making any of this stuff up in my reviews? He is running around breaking everyone’s neck! Zack watches the game acting like an idiot who’s never seen the sport before while Hayabusa continues to kick everyone’s ass in the building. Weatherby is watching the action from the security cameras in the lab with a box of tissues in reach of him. The cameras cut back and forth from the volleyball game to Hayabusa kicking everyone’s ass. It’s tied at four points each and the first to five wins. Just as Kasumi serves someone busts the ball from a distance so Kasumi puts on a robe and goes after them. Damn it, now we’ll never know which one of these ht bikini babes was going to win!
Hayabusa gets sealed off in a room while Kyane attacks Kasumi in a bamboo field with her katana. While they are fighting Kasumi asks her to help find out what happened to her brother, who turns out to be Kyane’s lover (damn what a twisti) but Kyane wants to kill Kasumi to restore her honor. The other girls scare Kyane away but not before she can cut Kasumi’s robe and exposes her bikini to us again, just in case we all forgot what she looked like a few minutes ago.
Max meets up with Christie shortly after that he’s figured out how to get the key. Weatherby wants Helena and starts having a fantasy in his head where he is dancing with her. In reality he walks up to Helena and kisses her hand which freaks her out. It’s time for Tina and Zack to have their match and they begin fighting. Zack tells Tina he doesn’t want to fight now and reorganizes for tomorrow, which Tina agrees to. It doesn’t matter though as the next day comes around Tina kicks his ass in what has to be the worst fight scene I have ever seen. The fighting was really bad and whenever someone got kicked or punched, there were random gunshot and stupid sound effects. Hell, when Zack got knocked out we can hear birds chirping! I REALLY hate when they put that crap in a movie. Zack apologises for being a jerk after the fight.
Christie is going to fight Helena next and beforehand Max and Christie talk about the vault’s code. The girls fight on a beach, in their bikinis, in the middle of the rain. What are the odds? While they are fighting Christie sees a tattoo on the back of Helena’s neck which happens to be the code for the vault. After she gets her information Christie proceeds to beat the living hell out of Helena. The finals are coming up and the four left are Kasumi, Tina, Christie and Hayabusa but the girls haven’t seen Hayabusa for a day now. They go off to look for him and check out Donovan’s office. They find a hidden passage and head off to check it out. Weatherby talks to Helena and says that she fought pretty well. Please, if she had fought well she wouldn’t have gotten her ass kicked that hard.
The girls find the lab and see the video cameras all over the island. They go through a passage and find Hayabusa laying out cold on the floor. Gas fills the room and now they pass out. Donovan is happy and finds Weatherby talking to Helena. He spills the beans and tells her that Donovan arranged for her father’s murder. Donovan orders for his guards to kill the two and they arrive as a mixture of men and women with katanas. Helena is kicking everyone’s ass while Weatherby can’t fight to save his own life. Helena gets a sword and it now feels like I am watching Kill Bill only there is no blood spraying all over the place. Here’s something I don’t get, the sword is slicing these people up yet there is no blood at all in this scene. Are people just dying from the force of the wind that the blade makes when it cuts through the air or what?
The girls combine their blonde wits to form half a brain in order to face off against the ruthless Donovan.
Kasumi, Tina, Christie and Hayabusa have been captured and are tied up. Donovan comes out talking about the future of fighters or some crap and pulls out a pair of sunglasses. Helena and Weatherby head to the secret lab and Max follows them. Donovan puts on the sunglasses and begins downloading the information from everyone’s bodies into his and becomes stronger… just when you thought this movie couldn’t SUCK anymore it starts SUCKING harder! The nerd and Helena go into the lab. He is trying to hack into the program to reverse it.
Donovan wants to test out himself with the best fighter in the world and Kasumi’s brother appears out of captivity. For someone that disappeared over a year ago he aged pretty badly. He isn’t happy to see his sister and his best friend, but instead get pissed off they are here. What an ungrateful bastard! Donovan challenges him to a fight and makes the following conditions: if Kasumi’s brother wins they go free, if Donovan wins they all die and if Kasumi’s brother doesn’t accept they all die. Kasumi accepts (AH DDDUUUHHH!!!) and kicks Donovan’s ass… only it wasn’t a real fight it was a simulation of what was about to come shown to Donovan by his sunglasses. Donovan kicks his ass and throws him over the railing but Kyane saves him just in time.
Meanwhile Max finds the vault, plays around with the puzzle and unlocks it. Donovan shows off his prototype sunglasses to a bunch of bad guys around the world, giving everyone the information he uploaded to his sunglasses so they can fight like him. Yeah, like a terrorist that knows kung-fu is going to be able to defend himself from huge bombs from the sky. Weatherby stops the information from uploading at 99% and alerts the CIA. Donovan tells Bayman to get the money from the vault where Max is at right now. Max, now with his shoes tied tightly to his feet, gets his ass kicked by Bayman. Helena comes out and fights Donovan as Bayman gets all the money. Donovan kicks Helena’s ass and sets off the self destruct bomb for the island. Weatherby manages to unlock the cells of the four and they go after Donovan but Bayman steps in.
For a video game that focused on martial arts fighting, everyone in this movie seems to enjoy using samurai swords...
The girls go after Donovan while the guys fight Bayman. The camera is spinning all over the place and it’s hard to see anything right now. The girls are fighting Donovan at the statue that’s being constructed and kick him off railing. Donovan gets up on the railing and throws Tina off. The girls start throwing chains at Donovan but he wraps them around him and pulls the girls into each other. Tina and Kasumi fall but they get caught by Kasumi’s brother and Kyane. Meanwhile Bayman is squeezing both Hayabusa and Max in a bear hug but Weatherby comes up from behind with a pipe and knocks him out.
The girls continue to fight Donovan, who now loses his sunglasses while Max wants to take the money by the guys force him out of the lab before the place is about to explode. As Donovan tries to escape Kasumi paralyses him with a poisonous needle. Everyone jumps off the statue and Donovan is left to melt as the island explodes. The pirates from the start of the movie find the debris and see Tina floating in the water. She kicks their ass and everyone gets on their boat. Christie has Max, Kasumi has Hayabusa, Helena has Weatherby, Kyane has Kasumi’s brother and Tina… well poor Tina’s pissed off everyone is making out on the boat but her.
And that is the end of the movie… or so you would think. One week passes and the girls are standing at Kasumi’s palace in Modern-Day Ancient Japan. All of the samurai warriors want to kill all the girls so the girls take their swords and get ready to fight. THEN the movie ends, and we all walk out of the room pissed off that every single person by the bad guy survived this terrible movie.
So there you have it Bucket Heads, yet another video game based movie that’s so bad it makes us want to break the CD of the video game that it came from. I hope you’ve enjoyed this review as much as it pained me to watch it and I shall see you all in a few days time for my Top 5 Flops & Final Thoughts. Take care!
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Comment by Cibbuano
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Comment by Wayne F
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You don't know half the story. I just played one of the games and it was like I was controlling Lara Croft from Tomb Raider, only there were lots of girls. They've even made a spin-off game called DOA: Extreme Volleyball to fit in with the movie. Yeah I know, video game chicks in bikinis playing a beach sport is sure to bring in the cash.
As for the movie, it was really bad. If someone watched this movie before playing the video game I think they would be put off from playing it. Hell, I'm sure many people out there didn't even know it was a video game.
Thanks for the comment.
Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Movies