Curse of the Komodo - Part 5
December 21st 2007 02:20
MOOOOOOO!!! The terrifying blood-curling roar of the deadly giant mutated Komodo Dragons!
Hello Bucket Heads here I am once again with the final section of Curse of the Komodo. In last week’s biology class I taught you all about the dangerous creatures of the Amazon, the Anaconda. Today I hope we’re all ready to learn about the dangerous creatures from some island near Hawaii. They are gigantic monstrous reptiles and they aren’t dinosaurs. Today we learn about:
KOMODO DRAGON EDU-MAH-CATION!!!
Let’s start the class!
Where are they from?
These giant creatures live somewhere close to Hawaii I don’t know much about their exact location since Prof. Phipps knows jack about anything.
What do they eat?
Everything, yes that’s right everything. According to our stupid scientists these things are eating everything at an alarming rate. They ate everything so fast that there’s no more food on the island to eat but the humans.
How did they get so big?
There seemed to be some complications with the science team’s experiments in the field of genetically modifying food. Instead of producing food grown out of chemicals to solve world hunger, the scientists somehow managed to create these gigantic monsters. Don’t ask me the formula or what they were trying to grow or even how they managed to get giant mutated Komodo dragons from trying to modify food. These scientists don’t know anything about the project they spearheaded in the first place.
How big are they?
I would say about eighteen feet but Prof. Phipps states that they are over eighteen feet.
What do they sound like?
The mutated, gigantic, carnivorous, vicious Komodo dragons sound like a cow. Yeah, a really big pissed off cow. Even 1954 Godzilla had a way better roar back in the day. If you hear a really loud cow in the middle of the jungle one day, you better hide.
Do they like the sunlight?
No they hate the sunlight in fact the sunlight is their weakness according to Prof. Phipps which is why these giant creatures are roaming around the island in the middle of the God DAMN DAY! I either blame Prof. Phipps piss poor education or the terrible writing skills of whoever wrote this rubbish. If something is weak against sunlight, it stays out of the sun but why the HELL would state they are weak to the sunlight when they are WALKING AROUND DURING THE DAY!? This crap makes no freaking sense at all. Oh, and don’t even bother asking me why the HELL they can’t get through a crappy electrical fence if they can walk around perfectly fine in the middle of the day.
Are the giant Komodo’s salvia poisonous like the normal Komodo dragons?
Yes, in fact the entire body appears to be poisonous. Once affected by the poison one slowly dies and rots within minutes of death. Shortly after the dead body reanimates resulting in the recently deceased becoming a zombie. So how is their body poisonous? Jason got tail whipped by the dragon, died and was turned into a zombie. Actually, don’t even bother asking me how the hell the Komodo can turn people into zombies. Makes no damn sense. Don’t even try and ask me how the hell Komodo poison turns people into zombies. If you ask me I don’t even want to think about what the hell they were using to generically modify food. Who knows what the hell would happen to you if you ate that crap.
Is it true the Komodo’s are blind?
Apparently so don’t ask me why the HELL these creatures know where the hell everyone is. Wait, I think the Professor told me that they have the heat-sensitive motion thing and they can hear and smell really well, but how can you have heat vision if you HAVE no vision at all? Wait hang on a damn minute, didn’t Dr. Grant from Jurassic Park say something similar to everyone about the T-Rex? Damn this movie just keeps on stealing with Jurassic Park.
How do you defeat these unbeatable creatures?
Shooting these creatures seems not to work at all as our stupid heroes and heroines will tell you. The only way for one to be defeated is for a brave, and stupid, human to hold a large amount of C4 and be swallowed whole. While inside the person will detonate the explosives hence killing the giant reptile. If successful one should see the following results:
Nasty but effective. So ends our lesson on the gigantic Komodo dragons from Parts Unknown. Honestly, I really hate movies that have some powerful creature or a mutant or someone with supernatural powers that seem to keep adding to their powers every damn minute. Just make it simple, Mr. X has X powers and that’s it. This movie kept upgrading the Komodos are it went on and that really annoyed me. I wouldn’t call it evolution, I would call it moronic script writing. Come back tomorrow when I hammer the final nail in the coffin for this bucket filled pile of crap Bucket Heads.
Poison that turns people into zombies, what a damn joke.
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