Curse of the Komodo - Part 4
December 20th 2007 03:35
Category: No Category
Tiffany: "Sorry boys, I'm too pissed for an orgy right now."
Drake: "You gotta be f***ing kidding me!?"
Jack: "Well that's a major buzz kill!"
Drake: "You gotta be f***ing kidding me!?"
Jack: "Well that's a major buzz kill!"
Ahh there’s nothing like a bunch of really good bad quotes to really get the adrenaline pumping. You’ve got to love a bad movie that has some bad quotes. However, in the case for this bucket of crap Bucket Heads the entire script should be added in this section but I don’t have the time to re-produce the whole thing here.
Sure, I could find the script online and post it here but I don’t want to put in that much effort, watching the movie is more than enough effort to drive a man insane. So I’ll just take out some of the quotes that I found so stupid or humorous that I think they should be mentioned here. Just a heads up before we start, I kinda forgot who said what and may have either misquoted someone or even misinformed you all of whom said what. This is due to the account that I passed out several times during the movie so I cannot be blamed. So onward with our next attention of the review:
THE WORST QUOTES IN THE CURSE OF THE KOMODO!!!
Let's kick off the crapness!
“Look at that footprint, they must be at least eighteen feet tall!” – Jason.
“Correction, OVER eighteen feet tall!” – Prof. Phipps.
Wow that really narrowed it down to how tall these gigantic badly animated komodo dragons are. I think the thing that cracked me up the most was the fact that idiot Jason was one of the people who has seen the giant reptiles up close. And that isn’t a very smart educated guess either from the Professor. Normally when I watch these giant animal movies they say:
“Judging by the size of these footprints I would estimate that this creature would be about thirty feet tall, maybe thirty-five feet.”
By saying that it narrows down the size to a height that viewers can picture. By telling me that a komodo dragon is OVER eighteen feet tall, I started to imagine these dragons were at least 100 feet tall, but maybe its OVER that as well.
“Can you land it!?” – Drake.
“No, but I can CRASH IT!” – Jack.
Here’s a question, if you were going to hire someone to pilot a helicopter to escape from a casino robbery wouldn’t you check his flight history first? Seems like that beefed up idiot Drake didn’t as Jack let’s our resident moron bad guy know he can crash planes, not fly them. Come to think about it, I’m pretty sure I’ve heard a similar quote before from a cartoon character… remember Launchpad McQuack from Ducktales? I’m pretty sure he said similar lines to this in the show.
“You can hear them!” – Dr. Porter.
“Yeah, thank God for the fences!” – Jason.
These God damn fences! At the end of the movie I’m so sick of hearing about these stupid electrical fences that amazingly keep these gigantic over 18 feet beasts out! What a load of crap. So you’re telling me that these guys can take over 30 minutes of having bullets fired at it but can’t handle a little electricity? And just as predictable as this crap was the fences shorted out when the generator ran out of fuel, they even powered it with alcohol for a while. Yeah, you read that right Bucket Heads.
“Is he…” – Dr. Porter *She shakes her head like she was having a spasm while Rebecca cries like she was moaning*
I think I loved this scene more than the quote itself. You just have to watch this scene in order to understand what I mean. This is where the horrid acting really stands out. They are talking about the recently dead Hanson who was poisoned by the Komodo. They find this guy not moving, not breathing, rotten like he was dead for days (though he just died) and when Prof. Phipps feels his pulse and shakes his head, wouldn’t you think that’s more than enough signs to ensure someone IS dead?
“Where are we?” – Drake.
“Close to Hawaii.” – Prof. Phipps.
What the hell is up with this idiot not given the exact information? First he says the Komodos are over eighteen feet instead of trying to give a well educated guess then says that they are somewhere close to Hawaii when the jock idiot asks. How hard is it to just freaking tell someone the name of the island!? Wait, now that I think about it wouldn’t Drake kinda know where they are if he had planned out a robbery in the region? Both of them are idiots in my opinion.
“Thank God they can only come out at night!” – Dr. Porter.
I think this line takes the damn cake and honestly thank GOD this idiot Doctor is one of those scientists and not a real medical doctor. She says this line after everyone was just attacked by the Komodo dragon IN THE MIDDLE OF DAYLIGHT! She isn’t blind because she can see so this leads me to believe she got her science degree inside a cereal box. Oh, and just wait tomorrow for my post on the Komodo dragons themselves, then you’ll see what is wrong with this quote.
“You scared?” – Dr. Porter.
“Too pissed to be scared.” – Tiffany.
This lovely line is spewed out when the guys leave the house in the middle of the night to check out the blown generator leaving the girls in the house with the soon-to-be zombie Reece. I really don’t get this quote. I don’t know why Tiffany is so pissed off for. She’s going to start off a new life with her idiot husband Drake so that’s cause to be happy for. She isn’t stumbling drunk either like I was a few days ago at my work Christmas party. Oh man, did I drink a lot. See I could get off by saying I was too pissed, drunk pissed, to be scared but Tiffany wasn’t drinking either. This quote makes no sense and makes me want to hurl bricks at this idiot, THAT will give her a good reason to be pissed off.
“Promise me you’ll gonna live until sunset!” - General Asshole.
“That’s a promise I can’t keep!” - Prof. Phipps.
You HAVE to love those really bad typical one-liners people bust out. I groaned when I heard this one during a conversation between General Asshole and Prof. Phipps. It’s kinda funny though, after he hung up the phone General Asshole orders the huge bombing of the island. So maybe the General wanted him to stay alive after sunset so he could blow his annoying ass up. And you wonder why I call him General Asshole. Actually, come to think of it, I don’t even know his name.
“That was a major buzz kill!” – Jack.
After the zombie Hanzon attacks them in a cabin, biting Prof. Phipps before he is gunned down to death, our crappy pilot Jack says this little beauty before an orgy between him, Rebecca, Dr. Porter and Prof. Phipps can begin. No I’m not making this up. They way that they are all talking about what they are going to do after they get off the island they way everyone was looking at each other I thought this was going to happen. Drake doesn’t want in on the action cause he just lost his equally stupid girlfriend Tiffany to a Komodo because she doesn’t know how to run around a damn tree. It’s kinda funny that a sex scene should happen this way considering the director has made porn in the past. Come to think of it, this SHOULD have been turned into a porno just due to its overall badness.
“I don’t wanna waste anymore time.” – Rebecca.
Oh when I heard this one I got pissed off Bucket Heads. This stupid big-boobed bimbo has the NERVE to tell everyone to stop wasting time and to move on. Why am I so pissed off? This IDIOT is the reason why they stopped overnight in the hut which resulted in her father getting bitten by the zombie Hanson. She was bitching and complaining she couldn’t continue talking and it wasn’t even close to sunset. They stop and in the morning she complains about wasting time!? You selfish bitch! It’s YOUR damn fault they everyone had to stop in the first place!
“You got to be f***ing kidding me!?” – Drake.
I think this line sums up what everyone is thinking when the end of the movie comes. Drake is sitting all alone on the beach when a group of giant mutant Komodos run up the shore, leaving us scared with the possibility of a second movie. Unfortunately the director decided that one bad Komodo movie wasn’t enough so he made another, this time feature a battle between Komodos and giant mutant Cobras. Look forward to that review in the future, but I know I won’t be looking forward to it.
So ends another round of bad quotes from a bad movie. Our final segment for this movie is something a lot of people are wondering about. Tomorrow, I will teach you my Bucket Head students about gigantic mutant Komodo dragons!
I could write a better script than this rubbish just by slamming my face down on the keyboard.
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