Curse of the Komodo - Part 2
December 18th 2007 03:15
Category: No Category
Would you believe that this blonde porn star would play the intelligent daughter of a scientist? Yeah, I wouldn't think so.
Porn stars, we all know that they can’t act so what would be the logic behind someone hiring these dumb bimbos to star in an actual movie? This feels like déjà vu from last week’s review on Anaconda, mainly when singers get hired to act in a movie. This time we have the exotic ladies of the X-rated world.
It’s time Bucket Heads to look at:
PORNO-LAND VISITS HOLLYWOOD!!!
First up from Porno Land we have the wonderful director of this rubbish movie called Jim Wynorski. Mr. Wynorski has directed a whole range of porno films which include classics such as Busty Cops 1 & 2, The Bare Wrench Project 1 2 & 3, The Witches of Breastwick and Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade. You have to love the creativity behind those film names.
It’s pretty funny that this guy has attempted to make non-pornography films as well. This crapfest counts as one of them but he a lot more horrible films out there. While looking at his profile at IMDB, I found a bunch of movies that sound terrible, like Chopping Mall and Komodo vs. Cobra. Yes Bucket Heads, if this movie wasn’t bad enough the director made a spin-off movie. I’m looking forward to reviewing a terrible movie that’s going to be Curse of the Komodo meets Anaconda.
Mr. Wynorski attempts to make these non-porno movies which are so terribly bad I can’t even watch the full thing in one sitting. This 90 minutes waste of time took me over three hours to watch. It was like I was trying to find buried treasure in the ocean without any diving gear. Too all of your porn directors out there please keep your crappy directing skills and terrible storylines in the porn industry.
Not only does Mr. Wynorski attempt to make non-porn movies, he uses porn stars to act in these abominations of movies. It would be fine if these people could act, but these idiots have as much acting skill as a God damn rock. So let’s take a look at the cast Mr. Wynnorski has selected to star in this wonderful movie.
Tim Abell: Plays Jack, one of the survivors of this movie. I think he played the helicopter pilot I’m not 100% certain, probably due to the fact that I passed out while watching this crap. He stared in a few big movies such as We Were Soldiers but that was about it. He’s been in a few porn movies such as Sexual Roulette. It’s about a couple who go bankrupt at a casino so the male (played by Abell) performs “favours” to pay off the debt.
Melissa Brasselle: Plays Tiffany, the girlfriend of robber/murderer jock douche-bag Drake. Though she hasn’t been in any porn movies, she has stared in a few where nudity or those Hollywood softcore sex scenes though she wasn’t the one getting nude. I wish though, she has one hot smoking body that one could get confused that she IS a porn star. Now that I think about it, she DOES have that porn star look. Oddly enough though, the movies she was in that have sex scenes or nudity in it were directed by Mr. Wynorski.
Gail Harris: Plays Dr. Dawn Porter, some middle-aged chick who has huge boobs like the other female cast. She was a porn star from back in the 80s, honestly I thought she was just one of those soap opera actresses who landed a role in this heap of crap.
Paul Logan: Plays Blake, a robber/murderer jock douche-bag that looks like a beefed up male porn stars. He has done porn, softcore porn that is, and has been in a few random movies but that’s about it. This guy’s a bad actor as well, just shows if you have the look doesn’t mean you have the talent.
Glori-Anne Gilbert: Here’s our jewel people, Ms. Gilbert who stars is the majority of Mr. Wynorski's porn movies. This dumb, big boobed blonde bimbo plays Rebecca, daughter of the professor who is running the giant Komodo project. This chick cannot act to save herself from a burning house. She has got to have the worst “cry” that I’ve ever heard. Try this: close your eyes, put on a sad face and moan for minutes on end. That’s pretty much all she does whenever she is said. You also have to look forward to the scene where she gets naked and splashes around in the lake like a freaking idiot. Now that I think about it, it was her bad acting that made me laugh more than the terrible animated Komodos.
Every other actor in this movie sucked as well and besides this movie, either never made anything else afterwards, or landed a few roles in other crappy movies then faded out into nothingness. After knowing that a porn director made this movie and porn stars acted in a non-porn film, it kinda makes sense as to why this movie sucked as much as it did.
But it’s not just the acting people oh no, it’s far from that. Come back tomorrow when I will be taking a look at certain parts of the terrible script.
Now that I think about it, knowing that this movie was directed by a porn director gives a whole new meaning to the movie’s tagline “It’s Hungry” doesn’t it?
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Comment by Andy 2
Cop it Sweet
Metamorphosis
Random Travels
Do you think it would have been better with some actual porn in it?
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Movies
As for the plot synopsis and pictures, look forward to those in the future. I generally will do a plot synopsis in my final post for the movie review.
And as for the porn... yes I would think it would be better if the movie had porn in it. In fact, it would have saved the movie most likely. When all else fails in a movie, always trust in sex to liven a dead audience.
Comment by Andy 2
Cop it Sweet
Metamorphosis
Random Travels