Catwoman - Part 7
December 7th 2007 10:18
Category: No Category
Give me Julie Newmar, Eartha Kitt, Lee Meriwether, or Michelle Pfeiffer. ANYONE but Halle Berry!
A very strong factor in the success of a movie relies on the main character. Generally, if you have yourself a very strong lead character in a movie it will be a very good film. If the lead character of the movie is poor it will lead to disappointment. This is the case of the film we have been looking at for the past week, Catwoman. Our final nail in the coffin Bucket-Heads is looking at the lady herself:
CATWOMAN!!!
As mentioned in previous posts the one reason why I hate this film is due to this version of the very popular Batman villainess. The original Catwoman is an seemingly innocent businesswoman by the name of Selina Kyle. At night she switches to her alter-ego, Catwoman, a very acrobatic cat burglar who Gotham City Police have been after for a while.
In this movie, we get introduced to some random idiot called Patience Phillips who dies, but it given her life back as well as magical superpowers by some ancient Egyptian cat. She can move fast, jump high, crawl all over walls and roofs (wait isn’t that a frog?) as well as develop several feline pleasures. Now you’re probably saying to yourself:
“But this is a spin-off loosely based on Catwoman! This version is its own Catwoman and they want to make it different!”
Alright, for about the first 30 minutes of the movie we get Patience throw in our faces being portrayed as that dumb, clumsy woman who get treated like dirt by everyone and never seems to get a break. This is a set up for her death, which we all hope she did die and that would be the end of the movie, but unfortunately she get revived with new powers. As soon as she gets her powers she pretty much snaps instantly from innocent to wild girl.
If they had hinted earlier in the movie that Patience had potential in turning into someone violent I would understand it. It was like in Batman Returns, Selina Kyle has so much rage built inside of her that when she was almost killed, she snapped and turned into Catwoman. This sudden switch in this film however make the move seem very strange.
Example, across the apartment block where Patience lives some biker dude has wild parties late into the night. Old Patience would try and tell him off in whispers, new Patience kicks down the door and pretty much ruins the poor guy’s stereo system. The whole point of this is so she might get some sleep.
Sleep is the total opposite to what she does. She gives herself a haircut and dye within a minute, (apparently cats can change their hair color that quick), steals the biker dude’s motorcycle and drives off to rob a jewelry store. I should mention, in this scene she fights off some current burglars and, she seems to have mastered kung fu from the cat powers.
Oh, did you know that if you kick a guy down on his back and just jump on his chest, you could tide him like a skateboard around a room? I didn’t know that until I saw this movie. In fact I tried it on one of my friends but he ended up in hospital with a broken ribcage and a concussion. Hmm…let's get back on track shall we?
So what else about Catwoman do I hate? How they’ve turned her into some superhero. Catwoman is a villain but she has a slight soft spot, for her cats that is. She doesn’t like the other villains since they are to brutal but Catwoman, she’s a real lady. She even has a little love thing going on with Batman, hell she even gets it on with Batman in the comics and gets knocked up! This version of Catwoman, she saves children from dangerous Ferris Wheels and wants to save the women of the world from buying dangerous cosmetic products. Sure, she is looking for revenge as to who killed her in her first life but that is the only thing that makes sense in this film.
I should also mention that there have been multiple catWOMEN in the past. Turns out when a woman has been pushed to her limits, that magical Egyptian cat gives woman power to do what they want. How do I know this? Some random crazy old cat lady person tells Patience when she visits her. We’re showed different Catwomen throughout the ages and one of them just so happens to be Catwoman from Batman Returns. My stomach twisted when I saw this. They are trying to bend the rules of Batman and say that Catwoman not isn’t the ONLY Catwoman, but the REAL Catwoman has powers? What crap!
Another reason why I hate this movie is due to the fact that it is stars Halle Berry. I do not like Halle Berry, period. She has got to be one of Hollywood’s most overrated, selfish women in history. Whenever she has to do a movie with a big cast, she bitches for main roles or she won’t do it. Do you the reason why Professor X and Cyclops died in X-Men 3? It’s the same reason why the character of Nightcrawler was written out of the movie, because of Ms. Berry. Yes, she demanded more on-air time PLUS a spin-off movie where she stars as Storm. After seeing how well Catwoman did, the movie company that made the X-Men Trilogy quickly scrapped the idea. A very, VERY smart move in my opinion.
Berry is a terrible actress, hell she even won herself the Worst Actress in the Golden Raspberry Awards for worst films of the year (or Razzies for short). I don’t even know why she won an Oscar for that movie Monster’s Ball. I didn’t even HEAR of the damn movie until she won the award for it. And for everyone who believed that she was so emotional during her acceptance speech are damn fools. Berry was just showing us all what she is best at, acting horribly. Why she even won the award is beyond me. Maybe they thought if they gave her an award she would just disappear. Boy, were they wrong.
Anyway, Berry got what she wanted with Catwoman, her own role were the movie is completely centred around her. her crapness really shines in this movie. Not only can she not act as an innocent woman, but she can't act as a "superhero" either, or act like a cat for that matter. And what did the audience get out of her performance? A bad movie. She ruined everything that Catwoman is. Don’t give me that bullcrap:
“Catwoman is about a woman who transformed from a weak girl into a strong woman!”
There are plenty of movies out there about strong woman, the majority of them sucking, that are way better than this piece of crap. I was looking forward to a movie about a very good BATMAN villain but what I got in return was just some poor excuse of a movie where Halle Berry gets to walk around for two hours dressed like a cat. The only thing that this Catwoman has in common with Batman’s Catwoman, is the name Catwoman. I’m not going to even count the five seconds she was in the jewelry store. Old school Catwoman was awesome, this one sucked, end of story.
That was our final installment for our Catwoman series Bucket Heads. I’ll be posting up my final thoughts on the movie tomorrow so stick around for that.
Halle Berry, must you ruin everything I like?
Batman: "Dear God Robin! It seems that wild night I spent with Catwoman has resulted in her pregnancy!"
Robin: "Holy Maury Povich Batman! You got Catwoman preg... wait, YOU got CATWOMAN pregnant!? What the hell? I thought I was your one and only!"
Batman: "That you are old chum but there are times when this old man has to get himself a nice piece of kitty goodness!"
| 31 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
