Catwoman - Part 3
December 3rd 2007 06:38
Category: No Category
Tony Soprano; Bad-Ass Mafia Boss, or Ruthless Cosmetic Company Owner?
Ever wanted to pursue a career in the cosmetic industry? Sounds like an awesome career path for one to take. Think about it, you get to make all kinds of different perfumes. You would be able to test out all of the latest fragrances before they would come out.
Or maybe you could be like Patience Phillips and her friends and work in the marketing aspect of the industry. You could organize famous celebrities to advertise for your company or create some creative commercials that people remember.
Or maybe you could be part of the security team and hunt down anyone who intends on screwing around with you company, shooting and hopefully killing anyone that your boss demands. Yes, you read that right people. Who would have thought the cosmetic industry could be so damn dangerous. Our next item for examination:
THE DANGEROUS WORLD OF THE COSMETIC INDUSTRY!!!
To get an understanding as to why such an industry can be so ruthless we must look at the reason why. We have to look at this miracle cream product, which I will call BS-Cream as I forgot what this bullcrap cream is called. BS-Cream not only removes winkles but reverses the aging process as well! That’s right people, you can be 80 but for a mere $30 you can look 20 again!
Anyway, this cream has… SIDE EFFECTS!!! *DUH DUH DDUUHHH!!!* As if I didn’t see that one coming. You think something that can be that good ISN’T going to have side effects? It turns out this cream gives people headaches and makes them feel sick. This cream is responsible for putting Sally in the hospital, so it can’t be that bad. It would have been better if this cream would burn like acid after a period of time and cause hair to fall out. Now THAT would be an awesome side effect.
Laurel, the head of the company played by Sharon Stone (remember her? She used to star in good movies once), doesn’t care because she’s a bitch and wants to make millions. That, and she’s just pissed off because her husband replaced her old grandma self with a much younger, attractive woman. By releasing the BS-Cream all the women will suffer so that they will feel the pain Laurel is going through from being replaced! Ok, I made that last part up but she’s still a selfish bitch.
Patience Phillips just so happens to overhear this discussion having to re-submit her crappy advertisement poster she purposed. Yeah, I don’t know why she had to go out in the middle of nowhere to the company’s evil lab where the BS-Cream was developed. That’s right, I said evil lab because it looks like the building of a mad genius. When I first saw this I expected Skeletore or Lex Luther or some comic-book villain to step out. Instead, it’s just the place where Laurel’s evil corporation conjure up their evil products of beauty.
Since Patience finds out about the side effects, Laurel naturally does what any cosmetic company owner who do, orders for Patience’s death. That’s a bit harsh in my opinion. At least capture her first and threaten to kill her, or torture her for hours and say to her:
“Bitch you open your God damn mouth I swear what you’re going through right now is nothing compared to what I’m going to do to you, your family, your friends and even God damn dog!”
Laurel doesn’t even know its poor, stupid Patience, but she can’t risk anyone knowing. Just like one of her goons puts it:
“We don’t know who she is, but we know what she saw!”
They proceed to shoot at Ms. Phillips, causing her to jump through a pipe and drown in a river full of what this movie is… healthy crystal-clear drinking water. What? Did you expect me to say a river full of crap? Well yeah, because it turns out the evil cosmetic lab is dumping toxic waste out into the river. Murderers and polluters, these assholes just keep getting more evil by the second. They make the Mafia look like nice guys, or maybe the Mafia ARE running the cosmetic industry. Ever think of that? It would explain a whole lot about this beauty company.
And that ends our little investigation into the corrupt, ruthless, violent and dangerous world of the cosmetic industry. Tune in next time as we dive into some more crap Bucket-Heads, still time looking at the high-light of any movie: horrible one liners.
(Note: As some of you may have noticed, I did not post anything over the past two days as I have work, so I won’t have time to update most likely. I work Saturday & Sunday, which is Friday and Saturday if you’re not Australian).
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