Catwoman - Final Thoughts
December 8th 2007 12:18
To View Past Catwoman Posts, Click The Following Links:
Part 1 - There is no Batman
Part 2 - Sally, The Most Annoying Character Ever
Part 3 - The Dangerous World of the Cosmetic Industry
Part 5 - Laurel Hedare, Depressed and Dangerous!
Part 6 - Feline References
Part 7 - Catwoman, Why Halle Berry should NEVER be the focus of a movie.
It’s been a long journey Bucket Heads but we’ve finally made it. Through the thick pile of crap that this movie was swimming in we’ve reached the surface and can breath once more.
For my section on “Final Thoughts” I’m going to basically give my personal thoughts on the movie in general. I’ll be commenting on things I really hate about the movie, things that I did like about the movie (if anything), the script/plot, the actors, if anything could have done to be improved and then give my very final thoughts about the movie. So let’s start it off.
The Loathes:
I hated character of Catwoman. I’ve ripped this character apart in the previous post, but I cannot stress out how much I really hate this character. Having nothing to do with the Batman university really makes this character worthless and Halle Berry playing her really did not help out at all.
I hated the fact there was no mention of Batman at all. I cannot stress this point out enough. You HAVE to have Batman in a Catwoman movie, or at LEAST just mention his name and have the movie based in Gotham City. This movie really suffered due to the lack of Batman, Gotham City or anything related to DC Comics.
I hated the character of Sally. Its bad enough I have to put up with the annoyance of Berry then I get this loud mouthed, over-sexed dumbass throw into my face. Laurel’s character annoyed me as well. Why act all depressed that you’re going to be replaced when you just turn around, kill your husband and take over the company? Expecting some sympathy at all by doing that?
The soundtrack was terrible. Adding to the whole “power of a woman” theme that this movie they played a bunch of random RnB songs by female artists. The music matched nothing that was happening in the film, and no fight scene should ever be accompanied by a track out of a Destiny’s Child album. The cat references were heavily overused and made Catwoman look like an idiot more than anything. It could have been much worst… imagine if her gimmick was “Dog-girl”. Yeah, I don’t know about you but seeing a chick barking at cats, sniffing other people’s butts and urinating with their leg up in the air isn’t that appealing… kinda… alright I guess it is… or is it?
Something that I did not mention in any posts was the 5 minutes of CSI in the movie. How you ask? When Detective Lone bangs Patience, he has a suspicious feeling about her being Catwoman. So he goes down to the cop station and has the forensics team scan the LIPSTICK on his cheek. Patience’s DNA matches Catwoman’s, and they arrest her, but she escape of course. I hate CSI enough as it is and having this crap in the movie, just made me hate this movie just that much more.
The Likes:
I think the only thing I enjoyed in this movie was the character of George Hadare. He was a bad ass boss. Patience tried to give him attitude, and he fired her damn ass. His wife was getting old, so he replaced her with a younger face to carry the company into the future. Sucks that he died in such a cowardly way.
Here’s something I loved about the movie that I discovered. During the robbery scene one of the criminals is breaking the glass cases. When I first saw this scene, I noticed something very strange. I went back to the scene and then it hit me: when he brings his gun down onto the glass, the glass shatters before the gun even hits it! I laughed, and that was the only time in the movie the film gave me any joy.
The Script / Plot:
Stupid, clumsy woman dies and is reborn with catlike powers so she can live a better life. While wanting answers to why she was killed, and who killed her as well, she experiences the difficulties juggling both her normal world and the world of Catwoman. She finds out who killed her, kills them, and then dumps her boyfriend in order to live the life of a rogue.
There you go people, that’s the whole movie summarized in a few sentences. The script has so many holes in it. If the cream Laurel was using gave her marble-like skin, why was she getting hurt? Most of the events were too predictable as well, like Patience happening to stumble across the dark secret of the cream, which leads to her getting killed.
The Actors:
Besides the guy who played George Hadare, I think the only other actor who is worth mention as “good” is Benjamin Bratt. I didn’t have a problem with him in the movie, maybe it’s the fact that he only plays police officers or detective in every movie or television show he is in.
I will give it to the actress who played Sally; if they wanted an annoying character she really achieved it. Not only did I want to kill the character at the end of the fight but I wanted to kill the actress as well. Stone looked like she did not want to be in this movie, but Halle Berry just takes the entire cake. She is a complete camera hog who cannot act to save a leaking boat full of poor, refugee children.
The Changes:
First, I would recast Catwoman and probably have Jessica Biel play her. Man, she’s so hot. Secondly, I’d change the location of the film and have it set in Gotham City. I would throw out this bullcrap “cat power” thing and turn Catwoman into the acrobatic cat burglar she should be. And I’d definitely get rid of those damn crappy cat references, like eating cat food and drinking milk.
The movie would start off with an awesome robbery scene with Catwoman fighting off some security guards before making off with a ton of jewels. As for the main plot of the movie, I’d probably go with the Red Claw storyline. Red Claw was a bitch who had a terrorist group. In the Batman cartoon her and Catwoman often clashed. It would focus around Catwoman trying to screw up Red Claw’s plans with a little assistance from Batman. I could probably think of something else that makes more sense, but this makes more sense than the movie they decided to make about Catwoman.
Final Thoughts:
I hate this movie, period. That’s basically the point of this review, as well as all future reviews that I will be posting on other movies. This movie had a lot of potential if it was executed right, but they just completely butchered this film.
The whole purpose of this movie was to feed Halle Berry’s ever growing ego. She gets a movie based completely around her. I don’t know who the hell would watch this movie, or who would want to be interested in watching this crap. And don’t say that I did, I only watched this movie to save all of you people from watching it!
There is nothing good about this crapfest Bucket-Heads. I would suggest you only watch this movie if you are a Halle Berry fan, just to see that she is a horrible actress which will then make you question why you like Halle Berry in the first place. Other than that, do not waste your time. Batman fans will be heavily disappointed if they think they are going to see a movie about possibility one of the greatest female villains of all time.
Unlike a cat, we only have one life and I encourage you all not to waste it on this movie. This movie is being tossed into the Bucket, and I hope I never, ever, have to review Catwoman 2.
Batman: "Well old friend, looks like this feline has been put away for good."
Robin: "That's great Batman! Now let's go back to the manor and hope into that spa. Just you and me with Alfred pouring us from champagne."
Batman: "Don't be stupid Robin, there is trouble brewing! My Battie senses are telling me there's trouble in the Amazon. I see two singers trying to act, and a big snake!"
Robin: "Holy Anacondas Batman!"
Batman: "That's right old chum, Anaconda indeed!"
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