BloodRayne - Part 4
December 27th 2007 02:23
Category: No Category
Behold the mighty Uwe Boll: Maker of Horrid Video Game Movie Adaptions and Speaker of Bad Quotes!
I’m going to do something different today Bucket Heads. Normally I would present to you really bad quotes from a movie or quotes that really annoyed me due to a conflict between the storyline. I can’t remember any bad quotes from the movie as the entire script was terrible. I couldn’t keep up with the badness. So instead I am going to do something different. I’ll be taking words right out of the mouth of this piece of crap’s director, Uwe Boll.
If you don’t know who Uwe Boll is, he is a terrible director who challenged all of his critics to a boxing match because he was crying that everyone trashes his movies. It’s a job of a critic to criticize the works of other. The words of a critic should be taken by people as advice. Instead Boll thinks everyone is out to get him but its not his fault he makes terrible movies, mainly adaptations of video games people don’t play.
I found a bunch of quotes from Uwe Boll during the promotion of his movie BloodRayne and just what he had to say about it. So sit back with a bottle of wine and some caviar Bucket Heads and listen to the words of a wise man. The Bucket presents to you:
UWE BOLL ON BLOODRAYNE!!!
"He's playing it like in the 'Rocky Horror Picture Show', a really cool scene with tons of prostitutes in a big crack house. It's a great scene." – on Meatloaf's role.
"I think it was good that a woman wrote BloodRayne because it has that erotic lesbian but violent… It's a little like a bisexual touch that a vampire has basically." – on the script.
What the HELL does that mean? I don’t even know what to make of this quote. If he is talking about the scene where Rayne kisses some chick then kills her because she is a vampire then I guess it kinda makes sense. I’m betting one thousand dollars that this idiot was drunk while he was being interviewed. I’m not even going to go into this any further or try explaining this in fear of my head exploding due to the pressure.
"The whole beginning of the movie, BloodRayne is like a freak in the circus, and people want to rape her, and she's like the attraction of the evening, and everybody in the arena of the circus is drunk and they throw her arms into water so the skin burns and then she must drink the blood of a goat [so] that she recovers." – discussing the plot.
Thanks for ruining the movie for me asshole. Anything else you want to talk about, like how everyone in the end of the movie dies but Rayne? How the hell is that explaining the plot of a movie anyway? As a director he should know the whole “one liner” thing where in an interview or a discussion about one’s film or book, the director or author gives a one sentence summary, they DON’T explain everything that happens in the first five minutes of the film.
"I really liked the game because the characters are so great. It has really kick-ass characters and it has that thing, that she's not the Lara Croft, [where] you never see really the breast." – on the game.
Boll is implying Rayne is better than Lara Croft from the Tomb Raider series as she doesn’t have huge boobs. So why does he have Rayne walk around topless in some scenes of the movie, but Lara Croft is never seen nude in any of the Tomb Raider movies?
"The good thing is, in the 1700's, nobody says f***. So the language, we have no problem." – on the rating of the movie.
But Kagan calls his daughter Rayne an ‘ungrateful bitch’. I’m sure ‘bitch’ wasn’t around in the 1700’s either. So he thinks that if he doesn’t have much course language in the movie it will get him a lower rating? This movie received a rating of 18 in the majority of the countries it was released in. Why? It contained horror themes, strong violence, nudity and sex scenes. With that being said I’m sure a f*** or two could have been thrown around here and there. Wouldn’t have mattered, everyone spoken modern day English in the movie when it was to be set in the 1700’s. Bet Boll didn’t think about that when he was filming.
"If you have a cheesy guy, like in Van Helsing playing the Dracula guy, or you have Ben Kingsley, it's different." – on casting for the movie.
Funny, Ben Kingsley looked like he did not want to be there for the movie. Like I said it’s like he arrived, got into costume, acted, took his check and got the HELL out of there as soon as possible. Speaking of Van Helsing, Boll had the nerve to call the movie, and I quote, ‘Shit’. It wasn’t a good movie I’ll agree but compared to HIS vampire movie, it was far from it.
"We have a hot sex scene." – promoting the movie.
This has got to be my favourite quote. Of all things to promote the movie why would one pick the sex scene? When directors are interviewed they talk about the cast, the special effects, the script, the scenery, anything that is going to sound appealing to a potential audience about the movie. Boll probably realized his movie had nothing but a sex scene. If you were going to promote your movie with a hot sex scene to me, I’d just go out and hire a porno. If the only thing that you have going for a movie is a sex scene why bother making the movie in the first place?
Let me tell you that this was not a ‘hot sex scene’. When I saw this sex scene in the movie I laughed at how bad it was. Rayne bangs that Sebastian guy in her cell. She pins him up against the bars and pretty much jumps up and down on the spot. I think she wrapped her legs around him but I’m going to go with her jumping up and down on the spot while the two idiots moan like… well idiots.
I don’t like this guy at all. He thinks he is a great director but hates it when people slam his movie. Uwe Boll is a terrible director and how he manages to get the financial backing for movies I will never know. He turns crap video games into bad movies. I think it was great when he was spreading rumors that he was going to be directing a Metal Gear Solid movie, to which the creator of the game quickly fired back saying he was NEVER hire him to make a movie. Rightfully so too, I’d rather see someone else direct a great video game like Metal Gear Solid than have this guy butcher it completely in a movie.
That wraps up our quotes from the Bucket’s favourite director. Come back tomorrow for the final nail in the coffin where we dedicate a whole section to the character of Rayne and the actress who played her, Kristanna Loken.
Don’t worry Bucket Heads, be assured that there are a lot of Uwe Boll’s films floating around in the bucket. Look forward to those in the future.
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