BloodRayne - Part 3
December 26th 2007 01:35
"Behold I am the evil Vampire Lord Klaygin. Kleebin? Kagan? It's Kagan yeah? Eh whatever I can't be bothered with this crap. Can I have my money now?"
Half-assed. If I had to use one hyphenated word to describe the acting in BloodRayne I would go with half-assed. Wait, is it a hyphenated word or a normal word that appears hyphenated? Half assed? Could you spell it like that? I dunno, but my point is these actors did not do a very good job considering some of them can actually act pretty well.
Some of the actors in this movie though cannot act no matter what. Let me tell you this though, the one thing that neither one of them can do right is put on a different voice. It might have been me but I saw certain actors in this movie changed their accents from American, to British, to slightly German then back to American. It appears throughout the movie a few times so you really have to listen out for them. Let’s kick off the crappy acting roll call!
CRAPPY CASTING!!!
Michael Madsen
Ahh Michael Madsen, many of you should remember him as the psychotic, sadistic Mr. Blonde from Reservoir Dogs or as Bill’s brother Budd from Kill Budd. I’ll admit this is a pretty strange choice for an action movie. Madsen plays Vladimir, the head of the Brimstone Society. Madsen has that slowness about him that really showed in this movie. He wasn’t running around much and swung his sword every now and then. He didn’t sound very European at all assuming this was set in 1700’s Europe somewhere since America never had any castles or knights and stuff. I probably wouldn’t have picked him for a vampire movie though. Good actor but not suited for this.
Matthew Davis
I don’t know who the hell this guy is but he can’t act very well. I’ve seen porn star act better than him, both in movies AND in sex scenes. Davis plays Sebastian, the wimpy sidekick of Vladimir and the guy who get banged by Rayne. He was just one of those characters that hung around with the other guys so you knew he was going to die eventually. They tried to develop his character by having him mention his parents were killed from vampires. Didn’t get any sympathy from me though, just made me want to see him dead even more. He is one of the actors who switches from an American ascent to a British ascent often.
Michelle Rodriguez
It seems like the only role this chick knows how to play in a movie is the tough chick who takes no attitude from anyone. Michelle plays Katarin, member of the Brimstone Society who is a double agent, working for her father who is the evil king of the land. This chick isn’t anything special. In all her movies she’s always pissed off which she is in this movie. The whole time this chick doesn’t like Rayne and wants to kill her probably due to the fact that Rayne is the only other female in this movie. So all Rodriguez does in this movie is stomp around, try to fight and try to speak with a European ascent. At least she tried to change her voice but a shame it looked like she struggled to read her lines off a big cue card.
Udo Kier
What the hell is up with this dude and vampire movies? Go look up any vampire movie made in the past thirty years and there is a chance that he has stared in it. The name might not sound familiar to you people but Udo Kier has an awesome voice I wish I had. I don’t mind Kier to be honest and he played decent in this movie even his role as a damn monk in the monastery. My complaint is that he is a HUGE waste of talent for the ten minutes or less that he was in the movie. He should have landed the role of the Vampire Lord it totally would have fitted him well. Instead, he gets pushed aside for someone who looks like they don’t want to be in the movie.
Meat Loaf
God… he is a bad actor. Meat Loaf plays the role of Leonid, a horny vampire that lives in a vampire brothel. I’m sorry Meat Loaf is an awesome singer and his songs kick ass but he shouldn’t have jumped onto the acting bandwagon. His crapness really shines in this movie. I’ll give him this though he attempts to act but not very well. Thank God his scene is quick and is only in the movie for a total of five minutes. Now that I think about it, this character reminds me a lot of the messenger guy from 300 who gets his arm sliced off by one of the Spartans. I think it’s the voice and how sleazy Meat Loaf sounds in this scene. At least when Meat Loaf spoke in a different voice he kept it.
Will Sanderson
I don’t know who this guy is, he might have starred in some decent films but I couldn’t tell from this movie. There were two things about this guy that made me look at him weird. The first was his haircut, I’m sure not its not his fault he was told to have a ridiculous hairstyle for the movie. The second thing I noticed was that he had a large head that’s really strange. Don’t believe me? Have a look:
Yeah, I thought you’d agree with me. Sanderson plays Domastir who Kagan’s right hand man or as you young hipsters would say, Kagan’s ‘bitch’. He doesn’t talk much in the movie so he is safe from my wrath for now. It appears that this guy has starred in many Uwe Boll movies, so for his sake let’s hope he doesn’t open his mouth and acts a little better this time instead of walking around with stupid expressions on his face.
Sir Ben Kingsley
I wonder how much this guy got paid to star in this movie. Kingsley has appeared in a bunch of very good movies over the years so I will assume that he starred this movie as some sort of dare by his friends. He plays Kagan, the Lord of Vampires, and throughout the movie it looks like he does not want to be here. It was like he got into make-up and costume, read his lines off really fast without any facial expressions or any acting involved, got his money and got the hell out of there fast before anyone could offer him a cup of tea.
He wasn’t even billed as an actor for the movie but as a ‘guest star’ which really annoys the crap out of me when movies do that. ‘Guest stars’ appear on television shows and only have a one-time appearance. I don’t know why some movies keep doing this it really annoys me. Maybe they were trying to hint that Kingsley is different compared to the other people in the movie as he can act. What makes it even more convincing he didn’t like this movie was the fact he did not attend any press conferences for the film nor any promoting or even attended the film’s premiere. Maybe he knew in advance this movie was going to suck and tried to hint it to everyone.
That about wraps it all up for the casting. Billy Zane played someone in the movie, I think it was the evil King, but it wasn’t anything special either. Doesn’t matter though Billy Zane isn’t that good of an actor either just like the majority of the people in this movie. Wait, I’m forgetting about the chick who played Rayne? Oh you’re talking about Kristanna Loken! I’m saving her for another day.
Tomorrow Bucket Heads we’ll be diving into another round of quotes, but with a little twist. They are about BloodRayne, but they’re not from the movie itself. Wanna know more? Come back tomorrow!
You know the director of the movie could have saved a ton of money if he got the actors from Curse of the Komodo in this movie. They might have even acted slightly better as well…
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