BloodRayne - Part 1
December 24th 2007 02:03
Category: No Category
Ironic that the main character sucks blood just as much as this movie sucks?
Remember how I told you all that I was a highly trained mathematician that was an expert in Hollywood Aerodynamically Psychics? Remember my “Singer-Turned-Actor” Formula? STA(s) x Bucket of Crap = X. (X being the goodness of the movie). Ahh yeah now it’s coming back to you. Well I have also developed another formula that is called “Video Game Movie Adaptation” Formula. Here it is:
VG x VGS (STA x Bucket of Crap) x .5% = X.
VG stands for Video Game, VGS stands for Video Game Success, STA stands for Singer Turned Actor and X is the success of the movie. So let’s apply this to the video game called BloodRayne.
BloodRayne x Average (1 x Bucket of Crap) x .5% = A big bucket of CRAP!!!
This video game turned movie has to be one of the worst ones created. It’s bad, really bad, not as bad as Curse of the Komodo, but it’s up there. The best part about this movie is the director, one arrogant pig called Uwe Boll, hates it when people criticizes his work (mainly due to the fact that all of his movie suck). He even challenges people who criticize his movies to boxing matches. They are just doing their job buddy get over it. We can’t help it if you’re a terrible director but this review isn’t about you, it’s about the terrible movie you made.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Bucket Heads around the world, allow me to introduce to you all BloodRayne, a very bad movie turned video game. So let’s start off with the basics shall we?
VIDEO GAME VS. MOVIE!!!
At least the movie version of Rayne looks the same as the video game.
I will admit straight up from the start I have no idea of what this game is. I am a huge video game lover. I’ve played every console that’s come out in the past twenty years. I remember seeing this game in a video game store. I picked it up, looked at it and thought:
“Meh, it doesn’t look like anything special.”
Which it wasn’t it seems. I’ve done my research for this movie and it turns out that the majority of the game reviewers didn’t think this game was that special either. This video game received an average rating; it wasn’t good but wasn’t bad and probably wouldn’t be a game that many people would be talking about in the future. Now let’s compare that to the movie; it’s terrible, critics slammed the movie unmercifully and this is definitely a movie that won’t be remembered in the future.
When a video game is turned into a movie, a lot of fans of the game will go out and watch it only to criticize pretty much everything about the movie. I’m no fan of the game having not played it but I’m going to try my best to compare the movie to the game. So here we go.
The Game:
BloodRayne takes place in 1932 before the outbreak of World War 2. We are introduced to a half vampire, half human female by the name of Rayne who hunts down and kills vampires. She is approached by a secret society called the Brimstone Society, who aim to end the evils of the supernatural world. Rayne is offered a spot in the group and she accepts.
Throughout the game Rayne is seeking to eliminate the officers and the big bosses of a group called the Gegengheist Gruppe or GGG for short. These guys, lead by a man named Juergen Wulf, are hoping to take the artifacts a powerful demon called Beliar that are actually pieces of his body that were torn apart by other demons. The GGG aims to use these artifacts in order to put one Adolf Hitler into power. Wow, that sounds bad already. So as Rayne, the player must stop them and recover the artifacts.
Now that seems pretty basic and simple. Besides the whole occult thing going on with Hitler it doesn’t sound half bad. The storyline is basic which means all you have to do it go around killing GGG members and collect these artifacts. Being a vampire Rayne feeds on the enemy units and pretty much runs around slashing everyone with her duel-blades or tearing them apart with guns. So now let’s take a look at the movie.
The Movie:
Some period in the medieval times people are trying to find this Rayne chick who is a half vampire and half human. Ok, the time is wrong but Rayne seems to look like the character as well as have her abilities. The Brimstone Society members are trying to find her so she can help them find three artifacts of a powerful vampire. Wasn’t it a demon in the game?
There are more people after these artifacts as well. A tyrannical king wants the artifacts so he can become a normal human again while the lord of vampires wants the artifacts so he can become more powerful. It kinda links back to the whole ‘artifacts for Hitler’ thing but there are a lot of people competing. Normally its just two parties going after something but having three parties is stretching it out. It shows later on with the movie jumping around all over the place trying to develop all the characters involved in the hunt.
Besides the character of BloodRayne and finding these three artifacts there is nothing else linking the movie to the game as far as I can see. Honestly, the storyline for this movie really sucks. Normally vampire movies are just non stop violence and all you need to know are your good guys and your bad guys. Yeah it might be based on a game but all they needed to do was just have Rayne allied with the Brimstone from the start then off they go to find the artifacts with only one party involved.
So the film is slightly based around the game, the difference being the game appears to be a lot better than the movie. I’ve seen the movie and it’s terrible, and it kinda makes me glad I never did play the game. Honestly if someone is going to make a movie out of a video game why not make a movie about a popular game instead of one that was just a five minute craze. Come back tomorrow and we’ll take a look at the director’s wonderfully strung together fight scenes, which are over once you blink.
It pains me to see directors attempt to adapt a video game to the big screen, it really does.
| 42 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
