BloodRayne - Final Thoughts
December 29th 2007 01:59
To View Past BloodRayne Posts, Click The Following Links:
Part 1 – Video Game vs. Movie.
Part 2 – Bad Fight Scenes.
Part 3 – Crappy Casting.
Part 5 – Here’s BloodRayne!
It’s Saturday, or Friday for you Americans reading this, which means we close the coffin lid on BloodRayne and lay this bad movie to rest. I will admit I had fun writing this movie up this week, probably due to the fact it was Christmas and there was lots of alcohol involved this week. Let’s wrap up this movie with my final thoughts.
The Loathes:
This has to be one of the worst vampire movies I have seen for a very long time. I’m a really big fan of vampire movies and this one was bad. I know vampires hate holy water, but normal water can burn them like acid? That’s a new one. There were scenes where they were walking around during the daylight (a vampire’s main weakness is sunlight) which annoyed me, but not as much as some vampires panicking that they had to find shelter as soon as possible. Doesn’t make much sense.
I know it was based off a video game but it was a poorly done for a vampire movie. I watched this movie having not played the game and I found this movie pretty poor. A lot of fans of the game BloodRayne have even said this movie was terrible compared to the game, as is the deal with the majority of video-games that are adapted to the big screen.
Uwe Boll, I cannot express my annoyance towards this arrogant director. He hates people who bag his movies so he challenges them to boxing matches? It’s most likely due to the fact that he knows they are right so the only thing he can do about it is legally beat them up. I look forward to watching more of his movies in the future in order to rip them apart.
Like I mentioned in a previous post, the action scenes were terrible, extremely terrible. They were too quick, the camera techniques were poor and failed to capture anything correctly and the fight scenes itself were badly coordinated.
The Likes:
The sex scene was the highlight of the movie, not due to its dirty content but as to how damn stupid and funny I found it. I’m still going with my theory it was just the two of them jumping up and down on the spot. There wasn’t anything good about this movie and if I were a fan of the video game I would have most likely turned this movie off at the start.
The Script / Plot:
A half vampire/human hybrid female swears to kill her father while hunting three powerful artifacts they will devour the world in darkness if they fell into the word hands.
It sounds ok but it was much more confusing than that. Like when Rayne is told by a fortune teller her father is a vampire she just flips out and wants to kill him for no reason. Then the fortune teller tells her she has to find three artifacts, which she doesn’t care about then suddenly wants to find them for no reason. The Brimstone Society are trying to find her for some reason while both the vampire and human armies are trying to find these artifacts as well.
The video game followed a similar plot, only Rayne was with the Brimstone Society straight away and she was trying to stop a Nazi cult from finding three artifacts of an ancient demon so they can use them for Adolf Hitler. Yeah, the storyline kinda sucked for both but at least the video game’s made a lot more sense. The way the movie ended totally sucked as well. It just ended with Rayne walking around a room full of dead people, she sits down on a chair and that’s it. No closure or anything, just Rayne sitting down on a chair, the end.
The Actors:
As I mentioned in my previous post, the acting was bad. Michael Madsen can act but this role was not for him. I’m not saying that he is the greatest actor of all time or anything but he’s best at playing bad ass, calm psychopaths. Ben Kingsley is another good actor but it looked like he only starred in this film for a quick buck.
As for the title role of Bloodrayne herself, Kristanna Loken should not have spoken or attempted to scream in this movie. She can’t act, wait let me rephrase that, she can move and fight pretty well but when it comes to dialogue forget it. She screams are bad, so bad that they are funny. If you are going to watch this movie you should look forward to her bad screaming. As for the other actors, they were all plain but Meat Loaf, who is just a bad actor despite being an awesome singer.
The Changes:
If I were to direct and write this movie I would probably have it more based around the original game. My plot would have Rayne joining the Brimstone Society from an early age, we find out about her powers, then after a montage of her growing up we just get stuck into the action with Rayne and friends trying to find these three artifacts of a powerful demon.
I probably would still go ahead the Nazis trying to get the artifacts for their leader but have one of them get greedy and want it for himself. Yeah it might be a bit of a cliché but it would have worked out a lot better than what this movie did. See if Uwe Boll just stuck with working the movie around the first BloodRayne game, he would have had an attempt at making a better second movie, which he did… and read further on if you dare to find out more.
Final Thoughts:
This has to be one of the worst video-game adapted movies I’ve seen for a while. I wouldn’t say it was THE worst but it is definitely up there with the best of the worst. I haven’t seen a good video-game turned movie for a very long time. I recently saw Hitman which was decent and before that was the first Tomb Raider movie, which was alright as well. So what could be possibility worst than BloodRayne? How about BloodRayne 2.
BloodRayne 2 has NOTHING to do with any of the games at all. See if Uwe Boll based the first movie around the first game he would have had a second movie to base around the second BloodRayne game, which involved BloodRayne facing off against her father Kagan and her half-brothers and sisters. Instead, Uwe Boll squashed both games together into one big pile of crap and decided to make a totally different movie for the BloodRayne franchise.
BloodRayne 2: Deliverence, is about Rayne going off to the Wild West of America in order to take down Billy the Kid and his vampires. Yes, that’s right, Billy the Kid is apparently a vampire and he wants to build a vampire kingdom in the Wild West. I’m not going to say anymore but just look forward to that review and more Uwe Boll movies in the future.
This movie sucked both as a vampire movie and a video game movie. The acting was bad, the script had a lot of holes in it and the camera work was pathetic. If I go to see an action movie I expect cool fight scenes instead I got sloppy camera angles, editing and bad lighting which ruined everything.
I wouldn’t suggest people watch the movie if you’re either a fan of the video game or if you’re a fan of vampire movies. If you are either a fan of vampires or the video game and you are intending on watching this heap of rubbish save your time and money. You’ll be very disappointing and will most likely want to join my crusade against bad directors like Uwe Boll.
Time to throw this movie back into the Bucket for good and I promise you there are a lot more bad video games adapted to the big screen by Uwe Boll that will be featured here in the future. Until then I shall see you all next week for yet another movie fleshy scooped out from the Bucket. Peace my Bucket Heads!
Robin: “Wow Batman I’m sure glad I never watched that crappy video game turned movie. I sure hope there are no more bad movies like that floating around.”
Batman: “Oh really? Have you ever seen the movie adaptation of… Double Dragon?”
Robin: “Holy Bimmy n’ Jimmy Batman! Don’t say it’s true for the love of GOD don’t say it’s true!”
Batman: “Oh it’s true alright old chump just as real as the nipples on George Clooney’s Bat-Suit!”
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