Bloodrayne 2 - Final Thoughts
May 2nd 2008 03:55
I’ve decided I am going to go back to my original way of ending the review for the week – that being I look at the loathes, likes, script/plot and actors. Something it is a bit difficult for me to find “5 Flops” with a movie since, A: There’s so many to pick from sometimes, or, B: I quickly scramble up one filler for the fifth spot and it somewhat ruins the review. I enjoyed the original way so starting today Bucket Heads, we’re going dive into the Bucket with the old school Final Thoughts.
The Loathes:
Uwe Boll really needs to have the shit kicked out of him for making some of the worst movies that I have ever seen – or that anyone has ever seen for that matter. This guy uses a German tax scheme where movies that are made in Germany by German film studios receive all their funding for free by the government. Fortunately for us, the German government has scrapped this due to people abusing the scheme but unfortunately Uwe somehow manages to get funding for his terrible, TERRIBLE, movies.
This movie crashes and burns in two genres – Horror and Western. Why in God’s name would anyone make a movie that mixes both vampires and the Wild Wild West? Of course, when you see that this film was directed by Uwe Boll everything makes a lot of sense. The first movie was a terrible vampire flick and I truly thought it was THE worst vampire movie of all time – until I watched this movie and it blew Bloodrayne 1 out of the water. I’ve seen a handful of Western movies but I know that this SUCKED as a Western. This movie was like Buffy meets Deadwood – but Buffy and Deadwood are awesome and this movie sucked.
The camerawork was pretty poor though a bit improvement from the first movie. The first movie was extremely dark and the only way to see anything was to turn up the brightness on the screen. Bloodrayne 2 was much brighter yet it felt like I was getting too much glare on my screen. It also felt like Uwe Boll filmed this with a handheld camera – and who can blame him now he doesn’t get big funding from the German government.
The characters were pathetic and extremely underdeveloped. In my reviews I name all of the characters that appear in the movie so it makes it easier for you. It was extremely difficult for me to write the review when did not know ANY of the names. For example, I found out the names of Preacher, Pat Garret and Slime Bag Franson when I looked it up on IMDB. The characters in this movie randomly popped up, helped Rayne and disappeared. Everyone in the town was exactly the same as each other (cowardly and stupid) just as the vampires were the same as each other (undead and stupid). There were only three names of characters that I know in this movie and some information on their backgrounds: Rayne, Billy the Kid and Newton who was a huge rip-off of the journalist in Deadwood. Speaking of Billy the Kid, you have to love how Uwe Boll plays around with history. Billy the Kid is a vampire people not a gunslinger outlaw of the Wild West.
The Likes:
Despite being an Uwe Boll film there was only one thing that I liked about this movie, well actually two now that I think about it as I write this. The first thing that I liked was the death scene of one of the vampires at the start. Rayne killed one and it was pretty cool watched the vampire’s skin turn a dark grey. The second thing I liked was the hot actress who played Rayne (Natassia Malthe) only for the fact that she is hot. Very disappointing that a death scene and a hot actress were the only things I liked about this movie – then again if I liked this movie it wouldn’t be on this website now would it?
The Plot / Script:
Billy the Kid wants to use the train coming to the town of Deliverance so that he may travel around America to build up a vampire army. It is up to Rayne and three random strangers that she meets to stop them. Both sides suffer losses but in the end Rayne kills Billy and rides off to find more vampires to kill.
Why is it that in every movie he makes Uwe Boll just randomly ends a movie without anything exciting happening in the end? Movies have some type of conclusion that makes people walk away thinking “Hmm I am happy with that ending it was good. Everyone seems to have gotten something out of it.” Instead when you watch an Uwe Boll film you think “What the F***!? That’s it!?”. The plot is pathetic and a huge let down to the fans – who the hell wants to watch a movie about a video game that isn’t even based on a video game? Hell if the first movie was a huge let down why would any fan of Bloodrayne watch the sequel?
The script was just as bad as the plot. It was poorly written and as I mentioned there was little character development. The only character you knew was Rayne from the first movie as well as Billy the Kid – since he was the bad guy – and the annoying jouranalist Newton because he was well… annoying. They didn’t explain how Billy became a vampire or even what his true intensions were. He just wanted to make a vampire army it doesn’t say he wants to rule the world or anything. Many questions like this were left unanswered but in true Boll fashion – everything remains unanswered at the end.
The Actors:
Natassia Malthe is hot but that is it – she cannot act to save a house full of children. The best example is when she had Slime Bag Franson tied to the bed and was acting like the biggest idiot while doing her little strip tease. I’m surprised Uwe didn’t force her into a sex scene as he said “Sex scenes save movies from going bad”. Didn’t help Bloodrayne or the other movies his made so he can just shut his stupid German mouth.
The other actors in this movie were just as bad as Rayne – all of them seemed to be showing up to work to read their lines in a hurry and head off home before dinner. It reminded me a lot of Ben Kingsley’s performance in the first Bloodrayne movie. It looked like he did not want to be there and it seemed to be the same for all the other actors here.
Final Thoughts:
Uwe Boll needs to stop making and there is away to make him. There is a petition going around after the director said he would stop making movies if he got a petition with over 1 million signatures. The petition can be found at Really Long Link and as of today, it has almost 250,000. Spread the word my Bucket Heads and make this asshole STOP!!!
I don’t get why you would continue to make movies knowing each one of them sucked. Bloodrayne 2 failed miserably as both a Horror and a Western. The last movie I reviewed that tried to do a weird combination like that was Lake Placid – a combination of Comedy and Horror. Yes… the movie was intended on being funny so the characters WERE trying to be funny and not smart asses. You make a Horror the only thing you should mix it with maybe is a bit of Thriller or Suspense. Don’t try mixing in two opposite genres because you’ll get one ugly movie.
Fans of the game are going to be extremely disappointed yet again with this disaster so I encourage you not to watch this movie. Don’t even watch it if you like horror movies, western movies, or even if you’re a huge fan of vampire movies. The only thing worth watching this movie for is the main actress because we see a bit of skin (no gentlemen titties are not included). The horror isn’t stopping with this movie since Bloodrayne 3 is in the works. Don’t worry Bucket Heads, I will be keeping my eyes open for that disaster.
That’s all she wrote and I bid you all a safe and fun weekend. I don’t think I am going to tell you what my movie will be for next week or for the following weeks – I think I am going to be leaving all future reviews as a surprise for the weeks to come. I shall keep you all in suspense until Monday. Until then take care!
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Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
I like the review.
I can totally sympathize with your disgust at bad horror flicks. Mixing of genes really suck. However it can be pulled off if the script is cool.
Go rent the the anime Vampire Hunter - D and it will show how to do it it properly.
Yet I cannot go past that leather outfit without being tempted to see the movie.
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Movies
Funny you should suggest Vampire Hunter D, I've seen it before. That was a really good movie from start to finish and it had an awesome twist to the Vampire genre. Besides D being a vampire who dressed like a cowboy I didn't see anything that related it to a cowboy movie. It's still a very good anime and I got to get hold of it again one day.
Instead of watching this movie just go find some pictures of Natassia Malthe. It will save you the time - and the pain - of watching this heap of crap.
Cheers dude!