Batman & Robin – Top 5 Flops & Final Thoughts.
April 25th 2008 13:09
#5: Holy Special Effects Batman!
Special effects can make or break a movie. The audience will either watch on in awe as the special effect blows them away with its awesomeness or, they’ll rolled their eyes at how pathetic they are. You have to evenly balance your effects in a movie though as over doing too much special effects can ruin it. A good example is Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, but a bigger example of this can be seen in this movie.
Now I am not going to sit here and trash the special effects used because they were pretty good. I will however trash the amount of special effects used in the movie. Pretty much every single frame in this movie some how involved the usage of special effects - from exterior shots of Gotham City to making Chris O’Donnell act mildly average. This movie reminded me of someone who slaps on heavy make-up to cover up hideous pimples – they might look pretty but all the make-up cannot hide those ugly bumps. In this case it was the terrible script and the bad acting.
#4: Big Hollywood names don’t always make a good movie.
I remember seeing all of the previews of this movie and how much hype was behind it due to the huge cast of actors used in this movie. We had Arnold Schwarzenegger, George George Clooney, Uma Thurman, Chris O'Donnell and Alicia Silverstone headlining such a big movie. Someone must have thought all of these people would pull off a good movie but man, someone was SO wrong.
Clooney tried his hardest to be good but failed, Schwarzenegger has to carry the shame of making at least one bad action movie, O’Donnell came and faded into nothingness after this movie and the previous Batman Movie and as for Silverstone, well she pretty much has Clueless to fall back on. It was pretty funny that Clooney came out and apologized for the way he portrayed Batman but fans forgave him – it was the blood of the director and scriptwriter they wanted. I’m actually glad this movie killed some of the actors’ careers since it really showed how bad they are.
Wait? I’m missing someone you say? Hmmm no I’m not because I’m about to talk about her.
#3: Uma Thurman.
Uma sucked so much in this movie that I have given her a little section here instead of being tied with the other actors. Honestly they should not be labeled in the same category as her since they did not suck as much as she did in this movie. It was agonizing to watch and listen to the way Uma acted as Poison Ivy. She was overly fake with the way she done EVERYTHING in this movie. Would you like me to reference a scene for you to watch? Ok, watch every scene that she is in. From her monologues about destroying Gotham City to forging her alliance with Mr. Freeze, Uma Thurman’s acting was so bad that she is lucky she redeemed herself with Kill Bill… and then ruined herself with crap movies that followed.
#2: Mr. Freeze’s Dialogue.
I have never heard so many ice or snow or winter related phrases in my life. I have never shuddered or rolled my eyes at or threw up in my mouth as much as I did whenever I heard one of Mr. Freeze’s brilliant lines. Let me go through the quotes that were uttered by the cold hearted villain:
“You're not sending ME to the COOLER!”
“ Mercy!? I'm afraid my condition has left me COLD to your pleas of mercy!”
“Tonight, hell freezes over!”
“Ice to see you!”
“Allow me to break the ice. My name is Freeze. Learn it well. For it's the chilling sound of your doom.”
“NOT! Surprise, I am your new cell mate. And I'm here to make your life a living hell. Prepare for a bitter harvest. Winter has come at last.”
“What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age!”
“If revenge is a dish best served cold, then put on your Sunday finest. It's time to feast!”
“In this universe, there's only one absolute... everything freezes!”
“Their bones will turn to ice! Their blood will freeze in my hands!”
"Tonight's forecast, a FREEZE is coming!"
"Alright everyone, CHILL!"
"Cool party!"
“Let's kick some ice!”
This isn’t including all the other bad one liners such as - “We’ll rule the world as Adam and EVIL!” – there were way more bad ones. If it wasn’t bad enough they had Mr. Freeze relate everything he said to the cold why would you continue to make his dialogue even worse? And speaking of dialogue this leads me to our final point:
#1: Pathetic script.
Start off with Batman fighting a main villain, Alfred starts sick, throw in Batgirl, throw in another villain, add some action scenes, Alfred gets more sick, add some random flash backs, some action scenes, Alfred’s dying, have one villain get defeated, have the other get defeated, everyone lives happily ever after. The end.
Yeah… right. I can tell you that the brief rundown of the movie above this that you just read makes more sense than the entire film. If Mr. Freeze is so hell bent on curing his wife why destroy Gotham City? If Poison Ivy is hell bent on saving Mother Nature, why side with a guy who wants to destroy Gotham City? The real Mr. Freeze only used crime to fund his research and he didn’t just walk around beating up innocents. As for Poison Ivy, well they got the part about her wanting to help Mother Nature but the real Ivy was more vicious and less of a whore.
Why give Bruce Wayne some random chick who he doesn’t even like? Why would Alfred even consider his niece for being Batman’s side kick? Why doesn’t Robin shut his damn mouth and do what the hell he is told to do? Why the hell were the two fighting in the first place!? So many things didn’t make any sense and it didn’t help the fact whoever wrote the script seemed to have written it in a rush. The script is like the Sloppy Joe of Hollywood.
Final Thoughts.
George Clooney and Uma Thurman came out and apologized for how bad the movie is – when actors are apologizing for a bad movie you know something is wrong. The script wrote was so bad and the portrayal of the characters were so bad fans turned and attacked the scriptwriter of the movie which I agree. Batman is meant to be an exciting movie that looms in the darkness. This movie was way too joyful and you shouldn’t evolve a series that started off dark into a happy family-fun movie.
When the DVD version came out the director apologized for making the movie so bad. He told fans not to attack the scriptwriter but to attack him instead of making the movie. He’s excuse was that the movie studio wanted him to include a lot of cool gadgets and vehicles and stuff so they can market it to the younger audience. So who could we be blaming: the scriptwriter who wrote this piece of crap, the director who followed the script and filmed the movie in his vision or the studio that encouraged lots of action so they can profit off merchandise? Let’s say all three are just as responsible for making this heap of crap.
The aftermath was terrible – the fifth installment that the director planned had been canceled. Get this: the fifth movie originally planned Madonna to play Mrs. Joker – I am completely serious. Later scripts were written for the fifth movie one that would have seem pretty good. It would involve the villain Scarecrow uses his poison on Batman who would be haunted by the Joker, played by good ol’ Jack himself. Instead the studio was too shit scared in another flop and canceled everything.
Thankfully a young director called Christopher Nalon came along and restored the Batman franchise to where it rightfully belongs now. Fans and film lovers have tried to forget the past but the chilling words of Mr. Freeze, the horrible acting of Uma Thurman and the huge mess that Batman & Robin was continues to haunt them to this day. Do not watch this movie if you love Batman or any superhero movie for that matter – you’ll be extremely disappointed.
And so that ends the terrible movie that was Batman & Robin. I shall throw this back into the Bucket and I will take my pills that helps me forget this disaster. Next week we’re going to be looking at a movie that was directed by one of the greatest directors of all time. He’s name: Uwe Boll… yes the same one who directed Bloodrayne. However, since we have reviewed Bloodrayne it would be injustice to not review the sequel. Yes that’s fight some how Uwe Boll was funded to make Bloodrayne 2 and trust me when I say it was worst than the first. It actually makes Batman & Robin look good.
In saying that, I hope my fellow Australians had a very safe ANZAC Day and for everyone else, enjoy your weekend and take care of yourselves!
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