Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever – Top 5 Flops & Final Thoughts.
March 7th 2008 03:20
Category: B
#5: Slow Motion or Antonio Banderas.
I’m sorry I like Antonio Banderas but the only time that he should be involved in an action scene in a movie is when it’s his stunt double. When I watched Banderas in this movie he was moving around so slow I thought there were times when they were using the slow motion effects. I think it might have been just me but Banderas is a slow actor, he’s a good actor no doubt but when it comes to action moves he should just stick to simple stuff like Spy Kids…
#4: The game was better.
You all want to laugh? Ok, a while ago a script was written for Ecks vs. Sever that was rejected since producers thought it was weak. So a video game company picked it up and turned it into a video game for the Gameboy or something. Turns out the game was a huge success and was, wait for it, praised for the intriguing storyline. After hearing about the success of the game they tried making a movie, not based on the game however, and it failed terribly.
So what have we learnt from this? Video games kick ass. Video Game Geeks: 1, Hot-shot Hollywood Fat Cats: 0.
#3: Bullets to the left of me, explosions to the right!
I’ve never seen a movie that had so many pointless fights scenes in it. I mean every single new scene in this movie some how involved a gun or a bomb. It’s like someone had an idea for a movie where the goal was to cram in as many action scenes as they could without any explanation at all. Everyone in this movie had a gun or access to one it was ridiculous.
#2: Ecks vs. Sever?
Here is what pisses me off most about movie titles that have a “Vs.” in them. If a “Vs.” appears in the middle of two names as part of the movie title you expect there to be some type of conflict or on-going battle throughout the whole movie. However in this movie the two main characters, Ecks and Sever, did not fight at all. The ONLY time they engaged in combat was on the rooftop and they did nothing but do a little tango and that was it. Eck and Sever’s fight lasted a whole thirty seconds that was stretched out to 10 minutes because of the overkill of special effects. And speaking of which…
#1: So... damn… slow…
This has to be the slowest action movie that I have ever seen. I’m talking about everything from the effects to the storyline pushing this crapheap along. Let’s begin with the effects. No doubt this came out around the time the Matrix was hugely popular due to the kick ass fight scenes. Seems like the director some guy called KAOS (doesn’t that intimidate you when you hear it) decided to try make some Matrix clone and used the slow motion effect whenever he damn could. From walking up a stairwell to someone aiming a gun the slow motion effect was used.
Now let’s talk about the slow boring script. I’m cool for action movies that have a simple plot and tons of action but this movie was just boring. The script started off with Agent Ecks being assigned a task to capture Sever for no reason at all while other guys were trying to get Sever for kidnapping Gent’s son. Random twists were added into the plot to make everything more confusing than before. Ecks finds out his wife’s alive and Sever knows them, Sever tells Ecks where his wife is, Gent planned Ecks’ fake death so he can marry his wife for a promotion, it was just stupid. In the end Ecks and Sever teamed up and blew up everyone.
Final Thoughts.
This has to be one of the worst action movies that I have ever seen. I’ve seen crappy action movies before but this one takes the cake. There wasn’t anything special about the effects if they were watered down to the point where it made you want to hit fast forward on your remote to speed it up. Seriously this movie should have gone for about an hour or less but due to the slowest it was stretched out for a full two hours.
I still find it funny that the original script for this movie was rejected and turned into a successful video game. Apparently the game followed the whole “Ecks vs. Sever” thing and it was about Agent Ecks going after an assassin called Sever. I think the player could then switch the roles around and have Sever go after Ecks or something, but there was definitively Ecks fighting Sever involved than what I saw in the game.
And what the hell is up with the title of the movie, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. I was wondering what this word had to do with the title and it clicked to me, to “go ballistic” means to go crazy so I’m thinking everyone “went ballistic” in the movie with all the guns and explosions. I thought this is what it meant but then it finally clicked, everyone who watched this heap of shit of a movie “went ballistic” when they realized this movie was a terrible action film and they would have rather better used the money they wasted on seeing it by burning it.
If you’re into extremely boring and slow action movie I would suggest you watch this. Otherwise stay away from this crap. That’s all I have to say about this movie which means it will now rest at the bottom of the Bucket. Speaking of crappy action movies, we’ll be looking at yet another video game turned into a terrible movie. Being plucked out of the Bucket next week will be DoA: Dead or Alive.
Until then Bucket Heads have a very safe and fun long weekend (if you’re Australian) and I shall see you all next week. Peace out!
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Comment by The wonderful Peter Yang
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Comment by Wayne F
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I totally agree. Lucy Liu saved the movie from being a complete mess. Cheers!
Comment by Jarrah
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Made bad, worse. LOL
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Comment by Wayne F
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Some of my friends can't stand Lucy Liu either, they say she's too fake at acting. I think she's ok and makes a decent action star. She's not the best but she is good. That being sad it was pretty sad someone who is just an above average action star saved the movie from being much worse.
Thanks for the comment.