Anaconda - Part 1
December 10th 2007 09:30
Category: No Category
It will also take away 2 hours of your life.
Well here we are Bucket-Heads another week and a another film to butcher up. Before I start, I just want to thank people who have been reading up on my reviews. I know there aren’t many of you but I’m going to continue writing anyway. I’m having fun, and I hope you guys are as well. Let’s move on.
Jaws, a great movie that had everyone fearing sharks. Even today it’s considered one of the greatest horror/thriller movies involving an animal as the killer. Over the years there have been many clones of these types of movies, none which have been able to pull it off right.
In 1997, one movie came out trying to achieve what many animal-killer horror movies have failed to do since the time of Jaws, (Jaws 1 I am talking about not the terrible Jaws movies that were made afterwards). This movie even had one critic say:
“It’s is like ‘Jaws’ on the Amazon River!”
Ok… sounds interesting. Until you look at the cast, and you just know that it’s going to be one crapfest of a film. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Bucket-Heads around the world, I introduce you to this week’s Bucket-worthy movie: Anaconda! And what better way to start off our class with a little,
ANACONDA EDU-MAH-CATION!!!
Did you know:
That Anacondas regurgitate their prey in order to kill and eat again as they can’t be satisfied?
You didn’t? You sure? Did you even look it up on Wikipedia? If you were smart you should know this people! Oh? So you are telling me that you know the general information about an Anaconda but you have never read anything about that before? Are you sure? Oh, how do I know Anacondas spit up people they’ve killed in order to kill again? The movie told me.
Yeah that’s right, the movie told me right at the start that Anacondas are so blood-thirst, so passionate about killing, that they will spit up something they’ve just killed so that can go off and kill something else straight away. Don’t even THINK that Anacondas kill for food and, depending on the size of the meal, takes days to digest. If you think this than you be stupid for being so dumb. Hollywood is always right, and you are wrong.
The movie added in this random bullcrap piece of information so that they can set it up the whole movie. While trying to find some hidden tribe in the Amazon, the documentary crew get ambushed by a crazy hunter dude (more on him another day) and go on a dangerous journey to track down this Anaconda, but the whole time the Anaconda just wants to kill them. And like they stated at the start of the film, the Anaconda spits out one of the guy’s he devours earlier.
Do you know snakes can scream as well? You didn’t? Someone isn’t refreshing that Anaconda page on Wikipedia now are they? It turns out the snakes can scream if they are in pain. I’ve watched a LOT of snake documentaries and I’ve seen snakes in real life as well. I’ve never heard them scream, in fact they can hiss but I don’t even hear them hiss that much either.
I know just as stupid as it sounds but it happened in this movie. Every time one of these snakes got stabbed or shot or caught or stomped on or set on fire or hacked with an axe they screamed just like a human. Now that I think about it, these snakes screamed more than they hissed.
Snakes are very quick creatures, we all know that but we all know that the larger, heavier pythons, like the Anacondas, are not as quick as their smaller and lighter cousins. Wait, what am I saying, of course not! I forgot how educational this movie was! Anacondas CAN move just as fast, if not faster, than Superman himself. There’s a scene were a snake quickly catches a guy in midair while wrapped around a tree.
I know it’s a movie and sometimes they will over-exaggerate at times but try and keep it at least slightly realistic. Everything about these Anacondas sucked. The snakes are poorly animated as well; even the robot snakes look totally unreal. I guess it’s just a Hollywood thing where they can’t make any snake look half decent, or make any snake realistic. Least we forget Snakes on a Plane… *shudder*.
That’s Part 1 for our Anaconda series Bucket-Heads. Tune in tomorrow when we take a look at what happens when not one, but TWO singers get cast together in the same movie.
“It’s like Jaws in the Amazon”, what the hell was he smoking?
Behold the look of horror on our victim's face imprinted on the snake's belly. Wait, why is he in the belly? I thought Anaconda's regurgitated their prey so they can kill again...
| 48 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by Anonymous